Sacrifice (The Snow Queen #2)(52)

“I kept you isolated.”

“No. I did that,” Rakel said with conviction. “You were always pleasant—I thought you were ill in the head because you weren’t afraid of me. I could have reached out to you, but I was too wrapped up in my misery.”

“You were a child, Princess.”

“And you were scarcely an adult,” Rakel challenged. “Choosing to serve me and move to Ensom, what, besides an enviable position, did you leave behind? Family? Friends?”

Oskar looked away, confirming Rakel’s suspicions. Yes, he had to leave things that were precious. Feeling emboldened, Rakel placed her hand on Oskar’s arm. “I see it now, Oskar. Not just on Ensom, but in this invasion. You have always thought first of me and my concerns. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. But you mustn’t live with all this regret. Things are different now. I am happy; it is time you think of your own happiness as well.”

Oskar stared at Rakel.

Rakel swallowed and gazed into his familiar face. She had always longed for family, but she had never known how close it was. Oskar was her father and brother rolled into one. He sought to protect her when the rest of the country threw her away. “Thank you,” she repeated. “Your actions saved me—and have saved our country.”

On an impulse, she hugged him.

Oskar’s shoulders shook for a brief moment, then he returned the embrace. “You are too good for us, Princess.”

“If I am, it is because you taught me to be so.” Rakel pulled back so she could smile at the attendant.

Oskar returned the smile, then glanced beyond her to the fire. “You might wish to go assure your particularly dangerous beau that this is not what he thinks.”

“My what?” Rakel turned and saw Farrin—still standing by the campfire but turned in their direction. Rakel sighed in aggravation.

“For what it counts, I approve of him.”

Rakel spun around and gaped at her attendant, horrified. “Why?”

“Because he’ll keep you safe.”

“He says he has shed innocent blood.”

“Yes,” Oskar acknowledged. “I imagine he’ll have to forgive himself for that. But he would never hurt you. Even when you fought him, he took a surprising amount of care to see that you remained uninjured. That being said, if you wished to remain single for life, I would gladly support you.”

Rakel cracked a smile. “Thank you, my attendant. I do need to speak to him—and Steinar, it would seem.”

Oskar smiled. “Enjoy the celebration, Princess.”

“Thank you, but…Oskar?”

“Yes?”

Rakel frowned at the slushy ground, then gathered enough courage to meet his eyes. “Could you teach me a Verglas lullaby?”

Oskar smiled. “It would be my honor, Princess.” He reached out and placed a warm hand on the crown of her head.

“Thank you.” She said.

Oskar nodded, bowed, and made his exit.

Rakel made for Farrin’s tall shape in the shadows of the fire. A nagging moment of warmth tickled at her memories, and for one brief moment she could recall—as a small child—a young Oskar kneeling in front of her, smiling and ruffling her snow-white hair.

Life is so much better now…but I must always remember the kindness of those who first reached out for me. General Halvor was taking notes on a few pieces of parchment while Knut relayed a funny story to Steinar. Hilda had come for Gerta and Kai, so Phile was free—performing a daring dance on top of a stool that involved a lot of hopping and rocking. She wore a huge smile, and her eyes were lit with delight.

Finally, there was Farrin. He was a tall, lean shadow that lurked behind the laughing, singing, and clapping soldiers and villagers. When she joined him, he didn’t say anything, but his head tilted, and there was a painful sort of questioning look set in his eyes and the wrinkle of his forehead.

Aware of his gaze, Rakel recalled Oskar’s advice to reassure him. What do I say? I cannot blurt out that I see Oskar as my family. Rakel pressed her lips together. “I am blessed to have Oskar’s loyalty.”

“Are you,” Farrin asked in a flat tone.

It seems that was the wrong thing to say. In fact, I think I have made it worse. Rakel darkly eyed the Robber Maiden as she leaped from one stool to the other. What I wouldn’t give to have Phile’s knack for communication. “Yes. I realize now that I’ve never been as alone as I thought I was.”

Farrin’s stance grew stiff. “I see.”

And that apparently was not the right thing to say either. Blast—what do you want me to say? “So sorry I just had a touching moment with Oskar, but it’s because I now know he has cared for me as my father should have?” Rakel almost slapped her hand over her mouth when she realized she had snarled the words out loud.

“He’s like a father to you?” Farrin’s voice was so warm with affection she could almost feel her face heating.

“Yes, or a brother,” she muttered, embarrassed and angry to be so.

“I’m glad.” Farrin shifted close enough so their arms brushed. “You deserve that sort of support.”

Relieved at his response, Rakel exhaled deeply. She found it oddly difficult to swallow when Farrin caressed the back of her hand with his fingers.