Sacrifice (The Snow Queen #2)(33)

“Could you clarify that?” she asked, fishing for information. If he meant we are once again enemies, he wouldn’t have come here tonight.

Farrin finally tore his eyes from the sky and faced her. “Tenebris will be watching me. I cannot afford to displease him, so I will have to fight you with everything I have.”

He can’t mean he will kill me. He still has…feelings for me. At least, I think he does. Rakel frowned thoughtfully. She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek.

Farrin set his gloved hand on top of hers, holding her hand there. “I won’t hurt you.” He was as quiet as the falling snow and leaned into her hand. “But you must fight back as if you fear for your life. Stay away from your troops to limit damage to bystanders.” He hesitated. “If I am injured, or worse, by you or your magic users, I will understand.”

The comment unexpectedly stung. “No.” She stepped back and withdrew her hand.

“Phile stands the best chance. I suspect her dagger is a magical artifact,” Farrin continued, his voice calm and nonchalant.

Rakel shook her head. “Why would you accept this?”

“Because killing you isn’t an option.” Farrin slowly reached for her hand and held it in his, then caressed the back of her hand with his fingers. “And I have always known one day I would pay for what I have done.”

“Whatever you have done cannot possibly require opening yourself up to death,” Rakel scolded.

Farrin stared down at their joined hands, then raised his gray eyes, impaling her with their intensity. “I have slain hundreds—perhaps thousands—of innocents. As a child, I was auctioned off in a Ringsted slave trade, and I was bought by a gladiator trainer from Sarthe. I made my first kill when I was twelve, and I slaughtered countless men and women every week. I became the champion gladiator of Sarthe and held that title for years.”

Rakel was so surprised she couldn’t find any words to say. She involuntarily tightened her grip on his hand.

“I only know blood and battles. I was trained and conditioned to kill. You believe Tenebris is bad? I am just as twisted and dark as he.” Though Farrin’s words sounded threatening, he spoke softly and briefly closed his eyes—as if he could blot out his words. “When he broke me out of the gladiator pits, I was little more than an animal used to hunt and kill. I still am that animal.”

Farrin let go of her hand, which dropped hard.

What do I say—to learn he went through that kind of pain? And I have complained of being exiled? No words would come to her lips. She felt guilty for ever considering her childhood a trial.

Farrin exhaled a puff of laughter that she recognized as his controlled chuckle. “I see I have shocked you. I apologize, but I thought you should know. There is no need to mourn me, Your Highness—though I never gave you a reason to from the start.” His lips were slanted in a bitter sort of smile, and his eyes were filled with yearning. “I only…” his unspoken words trailed off. “Never mind.” He turned his back to her and adjusted one of his gloves. “I will see you at the next battle. Until then.”

He tapped his speed magic, and he was gone.

Rakel pressed her lips into a thin line. Why does he feel that he has no other options? He said he cannot afford to displease Tenebris, but why?

Rakel slowly trekked back into Tana, tilting her head so snowflakes fell on her bare neck as she thought. I do not think it is a ploy or a trap. If it was, he wouldn’t have warned me that Tenebris will use alternative tactics to kill me. Tenebris doesn’t have his wretched sword…does he? Rakel hurried into Tana. Instead of making her way to the cottage in which Halvor had set up headquarters, she moved to the center of the village. The large block of ice that contained Farrin’s sword was there, glittering in the moonlight and covered with a thin veil of snow.

The ice was flawless, even after the long sleigh ride to Tana, but she wasn’t convinced. She placed her bare hand on the ice and tested it with her powers. There, she could feel the tang of his sword ping against her powers and reverberate in her bones. “No, it is here.” Tenebris was twisted enough to sacrifice his soldiers at the Battle of Gaula, so I doubt he’d think twice of abusing his officers. What does Farrin hold close besides his sword? His regiment? Rakel dragged her hand across the ice block. She felt unsettled and unsatisfied with their parting.

I do not wish to see him in pain—physical or emotional. Rakel’s fingers curled into fists as she recalled Farrin’s odd posture. Tenebris has injured him. She knew it with baffling clarity. The Chosen leader had wounded his own man in his fury—probably because of her.

She angrily turned from the ice block and stalked through the flickering torchlight, the hem of her blue skirts dusting snow from the ground. Tenebris is at the root of all of this. Farrin is not the evil one; he is! Unfortunately, if he is as strong as Crow claims, it will take everything I have to match him.

She could do it. Rakel loved her magic, but she was starkly realistic about it. She suspected she could match Tenebris stroke for stroke. The problem would be what would happen after. I could counter him, but what then? Using so much of my magic would have me asleep for days—if not weeks. With magic users like Farrin, the Chosen could strike while I was sleeping. I am not the only magic user Verglas has—or even the most talented, she thought, remembering Ragnar and Genovefa. But I have the best crowd-control and mass-effect magic.