SLAM HER(36)

“No,” Tommy said in a hoarse voice.

“You never signed papers, did you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“He said that would come later.”

“Then what happened?”

“He arrested you, took my stash, and kicked me to the side of the road.”

“That’s good to hear. Because now… you two are going to f*ck each other.”

I let Tommy go and walked away.

Knox blocked the door. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to play this hand the right way, brother. Keep him alive. He’s going to be our leverage play. A power play.”

“How so?”

“Call a chapel meeting. I have places to go.”

Knox put a hand to my chest. “What the f*ck are you trying to prove? We could take him out right now.”

“Bigger picture, Knox. Part of my plan.”

“Tell me this has nothing to do with the amount of time you’ve been spending with Belle. You were supposed to take care of that too.”

I grinned. “I’m staying out of trouble. But I’m still causing. Trust me on this, Knox. Okay?”

“Here I thought you were going to knock this guy out.”

“I still am…”

I turned and Tommy started to scream. One good right hook took him down and out. He hit like a brick being dropped and Knox rushed to check for a pulse.

“Fuck,” Knox said.

“Keep him alive. I’m going to tell you my plan right now and then I’m leaving. You bring it to the table.”

“What are you trying to do here?”

I didn’t respond to Knox.

But for once in my life… I was trying to do the right thing.





twenty-three



(belle)



THEN



I hated his job. He worked dumb hours and he and Mom always fought over it. Last year there was something really wrong. He left for a little while and had a girlfriend named Maggie. Mom called Maggie a cheap whore, but I didn’t know what that meant until later. And I didn’t understand until later that Mom and Dad had tried to divorce. Because Dad and Maggie got close. Maggie was a cop too. But then Maggie got hurt and moved away. When she left, Dad came back and he and Mom were fine again.

They planted together in the garden.

They made iced tea and drank it on the deck, laughing.

I even heard their bed squeak at night. Mom said she and Dad were tickling each other. I believed them. Until later when I realized what they were actually doing.

It was all good. Really good.

Two years of good stuff happening.

Then Dad had to talk to Mom. I was sent upstairs but I tried to spy. He was talking about a case. Something with a bad guy. A really bad guy. Dad wanted to get the guy. But to do it, Dad would need to work crazy hours. If he pulled this off, he’d get a promotion and that meant more money and better hours.

That night, Mom cried.

The next day Dad left for three whole days. I thought he had another cheap whore but he was just working a lot. They were building a bigger case against the original case. I didn’t know what that meant. But Dad worked a lot. He looked tired. He didn’t get his haircut like he usually did. He grew a beard and it was grey and made him look funny. His eyes got darker and I noticed he drank from the bottle in the special holiday cabinet a lot.

That’s when they started fighting again.

Every night, sometimes for hours. Dad would drink. Mom would yell. Dad would yell back. Mom would cry. Then they’d each come and talk to me.

I begged Dad to stop the case. He said soon.

I tried to believe him and I tried to be happy.

The sad and strange part was that everything settled. It became something normal for us. Dad working days at a time. Mom cooking dinner for me and her. She would stare at her food, looking sad. Nobody ever asked me about school. Nobody came to the art show. They forgot about soccer in the spring. My birthday came and went with a quick party that Dad didn’t even attend. All because of the case.

When I blew out my candles, you know what I wished for?

I wished for the case to be over. I wished for it to somehow die. I wished for that really bad guy to just disappear or get hurt or get caught by someone else. I wished for my Mom and Dad back together, like they were after the cheap whore. I wished that my life could be normal.

I was way too young to understand what I was saying or thinking, but it was all there.

I blew out those candles so hard, I spit on the cake. Everyone laughed. Nobody cared though; they all ate the cake. I got a new bike for my birthday, without training wheels. I wanted Dad to help me learn how to ride it. But it was only Mom there. I leaned on her and she leaned on me. I didn’t understand what that meant at that age, but I somehow knew it was important to both of us.

It was Saturday morning. Time for cartoons. They still had cartoons on then in the morning. Usually Mom would go grocery shopping on Friday but Dad surprised her and took her out dancing! They hired a babysitter named Jennie, who was sort of nice, mostly mean, and talked to her boyfriend on the phone all night. But I was happy my parents were out.

So that morning my mother decided to go grocery shopping. She asked if I would go with her and I said no. She made me pancakes, extra butter and syrup, and I had a glass of OJ. I settled in on the living room floor, on my belly, with my food on the floor. My feet were in the air, tapping, kicking, twisting.