Royal Prick (A Stepbrother Romance #2)(22)

“You’re…” The hazel color of her eyes softened as she stared down at me, her gaze drifting to my lips and then back up to my eyes. She wanted to kiss me, just as much as I wanted to kiss her, if not more.

It’s lust. Nothing but a pure attraction for the opposite sex.

I let my ego tell me it was nothing, and that it was still nothing as I ran a hand through her long locks, my fingers gliding over the soft strands with ease.

Yup. I’ll be f*cking damned. It was just as soft as I imagined it would be.

“I’m what?” I mustered up the words finally, dazed by her very presence. We were both breathless as we stared at one another, her chest still against mine. She could’ve moved by now, or at least rolled over, but she choose to stay laying on me, staring me right in the eyes.

Every flick of the second hand on the clock had my walls crumbling and tumbling to the ground. Noelle was chipping away at the ice cold block that surrounded my heart.

Her warmth. Her smile. Her sunshine f*cking scent melting away the icy desolate space, all while forcing my heart to beat again.

“You’re so much more than you let people see. I see it— all now the broken shattered pieces of who you are piercing through your flesh. You’re so broken....” Her words pierced me straight in the heart, and I knew then that I needed to get up and leave. To push her away, and not let her see any more of what made me who I was. She had no idea the damage that I was capable of causing. I could destroy anything and everything in the blink of an eye.

Hell, you could compare me to that of a natural disaster. I would come into your life without warning and take away everything you loved and cherished, leaving you with nothing but a broken heart to nurse at the end of it all.

“Then it would be a good idea for you to stay away from me, Noelle. It’s pretty clear now that I take all the beautiful things in a person’s life and tear them apart. I’m sure you would be no different.” My jaw clenched with a tension that needed to be released as I spoke to her, and my eyes locked on hers. I couldn’t continue to sit here and be analyzed like I could easily be fixed by someone so special as her. Pushing her shoulders gently, I moved out from underneath her and away from the bed, her own body falling down onto the bedspread I was previously laying on.

“I didn’t mean it… I mean…” She tumbled over her words, panic showing in her eyes as she shoved up off the bed. I stared at her for a long moment. I wasn’t hurt by anything she said. I was more confused with my own emotions and the fact that I wanted to hold her tightly against my chest and never let her go, but at the same time I wanted to keep her as far out of reach as possible. On the very top shelf where no one could reach her, especially me.

All of this had so much more to do with the fact that she saw me— the real me— and that tiny little sliver of brokenness above everything else. She saw what I had been hiding for years. What nobody else was able to see not even my own mother. She saw a piece of me that even I didn’t like to see.

“You meant it, and guess what, I don’t care that you said it because being broken just means you know what pain feels like. It means you have survived the hardest of the hard in your life. It doesn’t hurt me or make me feel weak that you know I’m broken. I’ve always been broken. The only difference now is that I just let you see it for a change.” There was so much conviction in my words, so much emotion. I never confessed something like that out loud.

“I’m…” I could tell from the look of sadness in those hazel eyes of hers that she was going to mumble something along the lines of, I’m sorry.

I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to hear anything close to an apology because it would always be me that was sorry.

With my heart beating loudly in my ears drowning out the pain that coursed throughout my body, I stared down at her.

“Broken things are always better off left alone. Sometimes all the pieces can’t be found to put the person back together. Sometimes the person doesn’t want to be fixed. That’s why if you were smart, you would leave me alone, and realize that I’m not really worth saving. Don’t try and pick up the sharp broken pieces of who I am; you will just end up getting cut in the process,” I warned. I warned her of all the bad that I would cause.

“It doesn’t have to be this way, Royal. I can see beyond the blackness. I see someone that wants to be saved,” she cried out, begging to save me. This was exactly what I meant. She would forever want something that I couldn’t give her because I wasn’t worthy of someone like Noelle.

I forced my muscles to turn away from her and head toward the door. I glanced at her one last time over my shoulder, the look of defeat and solemnness in her eyes causing a rippling wave of emotions to erupt inside of me. I hated myself for hurting her. For making her want me and knowing that I couldn’t give her any part of me.

“It does, and it will be for as long as I stay here. Please don’t try and change it, because hurting you is the last thing I want to do to you.” I would never bring this conversation up again.

Each step out and away from Noelle was a deafening blow to the heart. Every piece of my body, including the beating organ in my chest was calling to be close to her. Begging me to give in and be a better man to her. Begging me to change the monster I was to be the prince she deserved.

My hands tightened in anger. I would forever hate myself for letting someone as perfect as Noelle go. I allowed my mind to drift off into another world where maybe we could be together.