Rose in Bloom (Sex and the Season #2)(9)

“No doubt he was fighting his attraction for you, hoping it would go away because he thought you and he had no future.”

“Perhaps. Yes, that would make sense. Anyway, we danced, and it was lovely. It felt so right to be in his arms, Lily. Do you know what I mean?”

“Yes.” Lily winked. “I know.”

“Anyway, we stopped dancing after a while and simply swayed together, and then…he kissed me.”

No hint of shock graced Lily’s face. None at all. Well, of course not. She’d had a passionate affair with the duke only weeks before.

“It was unbelievable. He said he knew he couldn’t have me, but he wanted at least that much of me. It was so romantic. I melted.”

“But, Rose, how did you go from a kiss to almost sleeping with him?”

“I don’t know. One thing led to another, I guess. He told me I should stop him. In fact, he tried to stop it twice. He was a dear, actually. He said I deserved better than to have my first time on the grass. But I wanted him. I wanted him so much. I never imagined that I could want another person like that. It was nearly…uncontrollable.”

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you about this before you left for a month. There’s absolutely no one else who would understand.”

“Rose, you said you almost slept with him. What happened?”

Rose bit her lip. “I got scared, Lily. The emotions were…overwhelming.”

“Lord,” Lily said, frowning. “He didn’t take it well, did he?”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Men are built a little differently than we are, Rose. They reach a point where it is actually…painful to stop.”

Rose’s heart sank. She never wanted to cause Cameron any pain. “God, Lily, I didn’t know.”

“There’s no reason why you should have, dear.”

“But I told him I wanted him to take me. That I was his. Oh, he must hate me!”

“No, I don’t think he could ever hate you.”

Tears misted in Rose’s eyes. “I ran away from him in tears. He called for me, and he said he was sorry, but I kept running.”

“You poor thing. Are you in love with him?”

“I don’t know. How do you know when you’re in love?”

“Good question.” Lily paused a moment. “I’m not sure I could tell you exactly when I fell in love with Daniel. Once I realized it was love, I felt like it had been there from the beginning. Does that make any sense?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

Lily took Rose’s hand. “You’ll need to figure this out, and I’m sorry I won’t be here to help you. But I’ll be back in a month. What can happen in a month?”

Rose stared into her sister’s warm brown eyes. “Lily, you and Daniel were betrothed after three days.”

“God, you’re right.”

“And here’s another thing. Miss Landon—who wants us to call her Auntie Lucy, as if I’ll ever get used to that—has invited me to stay here with Auntie Iris and the girls for the summer. Sophie and Ally have decided to forego the season and stay. If I stay, I’ll have to see both Evan and Cameron, and if I don’t, I won’t see either of them.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Last night I thought I had made up my mind to return to Hampshire. To forget both of them and start again. Maybe have a season by myself. But now, talking to you, I just don’t know.”

“I think you should stay.”

“Really. Why?”

“Because you can’t run away from your feelings, Rose. Lord knows I tried. It doesn’t work. You need to sort this out and decide whether you want Evan, or Cameron, or neither.”

“But what if it’s Cameron? Papa and Mummy would never let me—”

“Nonsense. It’s your life. You have a generous dowry. You’ll want for naught, no matter whom you marry.”

“Papa could disown me. He could take away my dowry.”

“He wouldn’t do that.”

“He might.”

“I don’t think so, and even if he did, Daniel would give you a dowry.”

“Oh, I could never—”

“Hush. It’s unlikely it would come to that,” Lily said. “The fact remains that you need to work this out. And if you stay, you’ll be here when I return and we can spend the summer together!”

“Don’t you want to spend the summer with your new husband?”

“Of course. But he sees to estate matters during the mornings. That leaves me free to spend time with you.”

Rose sighed. “All right. I’ll stay. My, what have I done?”

“You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I’ve been compromised, Lily.”

“Yes, but no one knows, and Cameron won’t tell anyone.”

“No, I don’t think he will. I think he…cares for me.”

“Of course he does. Anyone could see it from the moment he first laid eyes on you.”

Rose smiled. “I felt something the first time I saw him too. It was a…well, almost a stab, in my…you know.”