Retribution (Secrets & Lies #3)(44)

“Being a good sniper has nothing to do with what toys you play with,” I tell him, smirking. “Sure, you have to become one with your weapon, but you do that already with your pistols. But the important thing is something that either you have, or you don't. I've got it a little bit, Katrina less than me. Jackson doesn't have it at all. Andrea has it to a degree. It's a deep well of stillness, of patience and control that you can apply when you need to. That, more than anything, is what your biggest strength is.

“I notice you didn't mention Melissa,” Carson says quietly, and I shrug. “Because she can't fight?”

I stand up, watching the first stars come out. “She’s not a fighter. She's something even more important, at least to me.”

“What's that?” Carson asks, and I turn to him, clapping him on the shoulder.

“The thing that every warrior needs, even more than the bonds of brotherhood within the team. Every warrior needs a reason to fight. That's 'Lissa for me. She’s my heart, my soul, and the reason I’m willing to continue to wade through hell if needed in order to finish this. BA is the reason for Katrina and Jackson, and was my reason before. Now... it’s her.”

Carson stops, then claps me on the back. “Thank you, Nathan. You’re the man good enough for my Melissa.”

Before I can reply, the back door opens, and Melissa sticks her head out. “Hey guys! Dinner's ready!”

“Let's celebrate.”





Chapter Seventeen





Melissa





I watch as my mother fades, the light in her eyes dimming even as she falls back onto the bed, and I wake up, a scream barely held behind my lips, my eyes flying open in the dim orange light.

“Shh,” Nathan says, my fear immediately dissolving as his arms wrap more tightly around my waist. We stayed out here in the big room tonight, the couch is wider and more comfortable than Nathan's bed, something we're going to fix tomorrow. Everyone talked about it after dinner, and we're going to take Andrea and Carson's recommendation to abandon the metal frame and lay our mattresses directly on the floor. “Shh, I've got you.”

“Nathan,” I say, sighing happily as his hands run over my stomach. “Thank you. Did I wake you?”

“A little, but I was only sleeping lightly,” he confesses, kissing me on the back of the neck and behind my ear. “I can’t believe how wonderful it feels to have you in my arms, and I have been lying here, convinced I'm out of my mind. I still can’t believe I’m getting married.”

“I can barely believe you said yes,” I whisper, squirming on the couch and turning over while not moving from Nathan's embrace. “And I've never been happier in my entire life. Can you tell me why? What turned it around so much for you so quickly?”

“I suppose you won't believe me if I just say waking up with you in my bed was enough?” Nathan teases, kissing the hollow of my neck again and sending a wonderful shiver down my spine. “That when all else failed, using the oldest tool in a woman's arsenal was more than enough?”

I chuckle. “Mmm, yes and no. I know you've seen me pretty well stripped down in the months at the farm. So if it was just my body, you'd have tried to make a move a while back. So there had to have been something else.”

“There is. It is a bit of a mood killer though, maybe.”

“That's okay,” I protest, sitting up and already missing his lips on my neck and his hand on my breast. “I really want to know, Nathan. Please? Does it... does it have something to do with Isis?”

“A bit,” he says, sitting up. “Before Isis, there was her half-sister, Aisha. She was the woman who, until I met you, was the love of my life. I was considering spending the rest of my life with her until she was killed in Iraq.”

“You've never told me all the details, but I've heard the name before. She sounds like she was a remarkable woman. I'm not jealous, if you are wondering.”

Nathan gives me a smile and puts an arm around my shoulder, holding me comfortingly. “I have never doubted that. But that same love was twisted, perverted by Isis. It was never about love with her. She took the love I had for Aisha and turned it on itself, used it to twist me up in knots. And I have never been able to forgive her or forgive myself for that perversion.”

“So you stayed away from me because you didn't want to pervert your feelings?” I ask, and Nathan nods. “What changed?”

“Seeing her again, trying to seduce me again. But I was never attracted, never felt anything but revulsion, and I realized something about it as I drove back here.”

“What?” I ask, leaning against him and relaxing into his chest, enjoying the feel of his body under my hand.

“That it is not what we do, it's the feeling behind it that makes it good or bad,” Nathan says, rubbing my shoulder. “Like Carson and Andrea.”

“Okay. I have to admit, last night you surprised me. I guess I got too used to listening to Carson and Andrea. They get... pretty athletic.”

Nathan laughs softly and nods. “If you mean they can get kinky as hell, I agree. But everything they do, is all in the spirit of love. They don't have to ever be ashamed or shy about anything they do. Some people would say Andrea's hurting women or something by being submissive to Carson, but look at her, she’s a strong woman.”