Resolution (Saviour #2)(85)
I have no idea why, I have never been shy in coming forward, I grew up in a house as one of four kids, where you had to shout to be heard, I moved to the other side of the world and was picked on at school for being the new kid with the funny accent, I was always short for my age, then my boobs grew and grew and I had red hair, all of these events had made me the object of name calling and sarcastic comments, in return, making me an expert at the quick witted comeback and not scared of standing up to anyone! But that side of my personality went, he wore it away, he ground me down and for almost a year I let him.
Then one day at the end of last summer, after enjoying a lovely dinner out with Jemma and Max, we came home, laughing and joking, him telling me what he wanted to do to me once he got me to bed, but first we decided to sit outside and enjoy a night cap and because I put cubed ice into his Baileys and not crushed, he completely flipped, what had been a perfect evening was now ruined because of his vicious tongue telling me how useless I was, that if I couldn’t get something as simple as the right kind of ice in his drink after all these years, then what was the point? I remember his words so clearly. “Why the f*ck do I bother with you Lauren? You used to be so perfect, now you can’t even make me a drink without getting it wrong, everything about you has gone to shit. Fuck off to bed; I can’t stand to look at you. And forget any ideas you might have had about me f*cking you later because it won’t be happening, you repulse me, your saggy tits and that f*cking ugly stretched marked gut of yours just don’t turn me on.”
I actually couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was like a different man had come home with me from the restaurant; where had the man gone that had been running his fingers up my thighs under the table, whispering in my ear in the taxi about how he couldn’t wait to taste me? We had got home, he had gone to the toilet while I made our drinks. I had forgotten to press the crushed ice button on the dispenser on the fridge and had instead pressed cubed. Ice? I was now being subject to this abuse because of the consistency of the ice in the drink that I had just made him, how f*cking dare he? I have no idea where it came from but suddenly everything came to the surface, every thought and feeling I had pushed down and supressed for almost a year bubbled up to my chest and in a split second, I found myself again.
“You know what Jay? If you don’t like the way I serve up your Baileys, how about you get up off your arse and go and make your own f*cking drink. And while you’re at it, take a long look at yourself in the mirror because you ain’t such a f*cking sex god yourself these days, with your greying hair and your moobs. And don’t kid yourself either. The last thing I want anywhere near me tonight is you bouncing on top of me with your shit attempts at shagging with that sad little excuse you have for a dick.”
I tried to get up after the first crack to the side of my jaw but as I did he hit me again and this time my head hit the tiles on the patio and I really saw stars, I don’t think I even cried at first, he dragged me inside by hair. Obviously not wanting to disturb the neighbours if I did make any kind of noise, he dragged me right through the house to our bedroom where he lifted me off the floor by my hair and by my throat, I couldn’t really hear what he was saying through his gritted teeth as my ears were still ringing from the last blow to my head. All I focused on was the froth at the corners of his mouth, that’s how much he hated me, that’s how angry he was, he was actually foaming at the moth with rage, he swung me back to the floor by my hair and then walked away.
That was the first time he had ever actually struck me, he’d pulled my hair. Dragged me by hair in fact, squeezed my throat, my cheeks, twisted my wrists, bent my arms back, but never had he full on smacked me around the face like that. I didn’t see him for the following two days after but in those two day, I had time to think and that was when I came to the conclusion it was over, there was nothing left of my marriage to save, nothing I wanted to save but for some reason it had taken me another whole six months and that final beating on the night I met Gabe to actually walk away for good; why? I will never know!
I wipe the tears from my face that I hadn’t even realised I had cried, just as Gabe scratches at his nuts and adjusts himself, he rolls towards me and throws his arm over my hip, a small smile plays across his lips as he moves his hand under the T shirt of his from last night that I am now wearing, his hand dips into the curve of my waist as it slides up my body and I watch as he lets out a sigh or is it a hum as he moves his hand around to my back and pulls me into him? He opens his eyes and blinks slowly, twice, and my heart stutters as his smiling eyes meet mine, his hand slides up and cups my boob.
“I f*cking love you woman. Shit, I’m so happy Lauren, you have no idea baby, no idea how you make me feel.”
“Good morning. Somebodies woken up in a good mood, I thought you might have a hangover, after the beer, the wine, the bourbon and the weed you consumed last night.”
He closes his eyes and snuggles in as tight as he can to me, inhaling my hair and my skin.
“I feel shithouse, but as long as I wake up with you baby, I can deal with anything.”
He nips me with his teeth, tiny little bites, all along my jaw, sending goose bumps right across my skin, his nose is still sniffing my hair, in my ear, over my temple.
“You smell of sleep and our bed.”
“Well that would be because I have been sleeping. In our bed. Do you need some Panadol?”