Renegade (The Elysium Chronicles #1)(70)

Eventually, Gavin comes to check on me. He knocks at first, but I ignore it, hoping he’ll just go away. I should have known better, because when he receives no answer he pushes into the room. Then rushes across the bathroom, practically ripping the curtain from its hooks in his hurry to check on me.

His expression changes from worry to sadness when he sees me curled into the corner. He turns off the water with a flick of a wrist, then bundles me into a fluffy white—and dusty—towel and carries me into the bedroom. Then he starts chafing me with the towel, trying to rub warmth into my freezing body.

Even when I stop shivering, I still feel cold. I wonder if I’ll ever feel warm again.

“How are you feeling?” he asks after several minutes.

I jump. I hadn’t expected him to talk. “I don’t know,” I say. “She was my best friend. And she died because of me.”

“Not you. Never you. Mother. She’s the one who started this.”

“I’m an Enforcer,” I say without any emotion. “A monster.”

“No, Evie. Not a monster,” he says quietly.

“I killed those people. I’ve killed lots of people. All in the name of Mother’s ‘peace.’”

“Because Mother programmed you to do it. And Nick. Apparently.” He takes my chin in his hand and forces me to look at him. “You also saved me. And you tried to save Macie. You only killed the Guards in self-defense and you stopped yourself from killing the innocent people in the hallway. That’s not a monster.”

There’s nothing to say to that.

“You’re not afraid? Of me?” I ask finally, averting my eyes.

He waits until I look back up at him before he shakes his head and smiles at me. “No. Never.”

Gavin pulls me into his arms again and kisses me. Gently at first, then more aggressively. As if he can’t help himself. And the minute of panic fades as if it was never there. The kiss has the effect that nothing else has—it warms my blood and soothes my soul. I don’t want it to stop.

Winding my arms around his neck, I pull myself into his lap. I shiver when his mouth trails down my neck.

My hands impatiently race over his body. Every hard line and ripple. His body trembles as I splay my hands over his chest. He pulls me closer and deepens the kiss.

I lose myself along with my breath and my heart.





CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO



Unauthorized coupling is punishable under the law and will be dealt with most severely.





—CITIZEN’S SOCIAL CODE, VOLUME VI





When I wake, my face is pressed into a pillow and there’s a light flutter on the back of my neck. I swipe my hand at it and my fingers catch in my tangled hair. I suck air through my teeth, making a hissing sound when I yank a few of those hairs from my head.

The fluttering happens again and I realize it’s Gavin’s breath on the side of my neck. I slowly turn so I’m facing him and watch him sleep for a few minutes. He looks like a little boy lost in dreams. Well, except for the shadow of hair growing along his jaw.

I smile as I remember last night. Shortly after he’d kissed me brainless, weariness overtook me. I must have been lulled into sleep in his arms. The only true solace I can ever remember.

Tentatively, I brush back some hair that’s fallen over his face. His eyes fly open, wary at first, but then they lock onto my face and clear instantly.

He smiles. “Guess we fell asleep,” he says, his voice husky.

It makes me shiver. “I guess so. Good morning,” I say, even though I’m not exactly sure what time it really is.

He leans forward and kisses me gently, just a light press of his lips against mine. When he pulls back, his eyes are worried again. “How are you feeling?”

He doesn’t mean my general health. He’s asking how I’m handling Macie’s death. The one thing I don’t want to remember.

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I stick to the one part I’m willing to talk about. “It’s hard. Knowing I’ll never hear her voice again. But you were right. It’s not my fault.” My whole body tenses and my voice hardens. “And I swear I’ll make Mother pay. No matter what, she’ll pay for taking Macie from me.”

Gavin leans over and peers into my eyes. “Evie, I know how you feel. But it’s not worth losing your life over.” I shrug and look away. He takes my face in his hands and makes me look at him again. “Don’t do something stupid, Evie. I can’t lose you now that I found you. I need you. We need each other.”

“Found me? When were you looking for me?” My voice is still hard. Harder than I intend it to be, and I try to soften it with a laugh, but Gavin doesn’t seem to care about how I said it.

“I didn’t know I was looking until I found you,” he says seriously. He looks deep into my eyes, his thumb caressing the side of my face.

My heart gives a little thump and my breath catches, but I don’t say anything.

“Promise me you won’t do something stupid.” I still don’t say anything and he gives me a little shake. “Promise me!”

I sigh. “All right. I promise.”

His eyes search mine and, after a few minutes, he smiles again and kisses me. Slightly angry with him for making me promise, I don’t kiss him back, but he doesn’t give up. He just changes the angle and takes my breath away. It doesn’t take me long to give in and try to pull him closer to me.