Relinquish(72)

I shake my head and groan in irritation.

“I mean, I remember some, most of it just coming back to me in the last few hours, actually. I remember I was taken to a hospital for sick people, where they think you’re crazy. They wanted me to tell them everything about my mom, because they had nothing. But all I wanted to do was forget. I was in pain. All I wanted to do was look for an escape. Forgetting it did that.” I peer up at Jayden, my eyes filling with tears. “Looks like I got my wish, though, ’cause I can’t remember a damn thing. I have no idea why Landon would kill her.”

“You love him?” she questions, turning on her back and looking up at the nicotine-stained ceiling.

“I’m not sure. Well, I mean my mother loved me. I know she did because I can feel it. But it was so long ago, and I’ve forced myself not to remember so much. I’m not sure if I remember how to love.”

“Those who fall at their weakest cannot be judged. It’s what they do to bring themselves back up that says who they are. I know you’ll get through this, because you’re the strongest person I know.”

I look down at her, surprised with how real she just got. My chest warms that she thinks so highly of me. Jayden yawns and snuggles closer to me, so I wrap my arms around her and snuggle right back.

“I missed you,” she whispers.

I look over at the window, the sun just starting to set. I’m exhausted, and my stomach is in knots and has me feeling queasy.

“I missed you, too,” I mutter, closing me eyes.

***

Looking at the soap scum claiming the tiles in the shower, I think of Landon. The way he made love to my body just days before. The words he spoke to me, sounding like he meant them. The ache in my chest worsens, making my lips tremble. I miss him. His rude mouth, and his hot and cold behavior. I long for it all. When I said I felt alone before, when I said I had hit rock-bottom before, it was a lie, because the way I feel right now is so much worse. Water cascades down my body as I shake with emotion.

“I-I killed him,” I cry quietly. I hurt, but I’m not sure where the source of pain is coming from. All I feel is this dull ache spreading through my body as I think about what I’ve done.

My legs give out and I fall into the tub, my knees aching as they slam into the ceramic. I know I need to get back up and figure my shit out, decide my next move, but I just don’t have it in me. All I want to do is just cry, sleep, and cry some more.

I dry off and put on the clothes I wore yesterday. They don’t smell too bad; I’ve had worse. I stop where I’m standing when I hear voices in the other room. My heart thuds against my chest in panic. Scared that Jayden is out there by herself, I open the door, still towel-drying my hair.

I step around the corner, heading into the main room when I freeze, my body reacting in pure panic. My hand drops the towel, my breathing comes in short spurts, and my body trembles.

“Landon,” I croak.

“Charlie,” he grits, his tone hard. I swallow, dumbfounded. He’s alive! I didn’t kill him! My heart thuds with joy, but my body pulsates with terror. Is he going to kill me? I glance to the bathroom door and back to Landon. It’s my only escape, locking myself in the bathroom while Jayden runs for help. He cocks his head to the side, like he knows I’m up to no good. Without a second thought, I bolt toward the bathroom door and shut it. Just as my fingers go to push the button on the knob to lock it, the door thrusts open with so much power it nearly throws me into the tub.

“You can’t run from me, Charlie,” Landon barks, slamming the door behind him. His size takes up every free inch the small bathroom holds. He looks good, like damn good. He has on a black dress shirt and jeans that hang deliciously low. I’ve never seen him in jeans before, come to think of it. I shake my head and look the other way.

“You can’t hide, either,” he growls eerily.

“What are you going to do?” I ask softly, feeling behind me for something to sit on.

“What should I do, Charlie? You f*cking shot me.”

I sit on the rim of the tub and look at his hard, forest eyes.

“You killed my mother,” I fire back in response. I watch Landon’s Adam’s apple bob as a look of hurt crosses his face. His eyes squint at the corners as his forehead wrinkles, sorrow taking over his face. How is he upset about killing my mother?

Landon runs his hands over his face, masking his emotions.

“We don’t have time for this right now. We have to go.” Landon holds his hand out, waiting for me to take his.

I scowl, looking at his hand. The hand that spilled my mother’s blood.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I snarl. Landon blows out an irritated breath and looks at the ceiling like he’s praying for control.

“If you don’t come with me right now, you’ll be killed.” I wince at his words, fear striking me in the chest. “I found you very easily. My father’s men will be here shortly. I’m sure of it,” Landon explains further.

“Your father?” I question. I’m confused; is he threatening me or his father?

“Not here. Not right now, Charlie. It’s not safe.” Landon grabs my hand without my permission, and I try to resist.

“Why should I trust you?” I yell, anchoring my feet to the bathroom floor. Landon turns quickly and pins me against the wall, his hand slamming just above my head.