Released (Devil's Blaze MC #3)(7)

Then, in the blink of an eye, Beth set my world upside down again.

The f*cking Donahues have come close to destroying me, and I’ve still been unable to find Colin. After the messed-up search for them in Georgia, I drove straight back home and continued searching them out. I’m getting nowhere. They’ve picked a mighty big rock to crawl under, but I won’t stop. I will get them and I will have my revenge. Until then, however, I’m here watching Beth and just remembering.

I’m back to where I was the day that boat exploded. I’m back in this f*cking hole, feeling like the world is closing in on me and there’s not a f*cking thing I can do about it. Having Beth back should have brought me joy. Instead, it makes me wish I was dead because I don’t want any more pain. It might make me a f*cking *, but that’s the simple truth. Losing her once destroyed me. Finding out she lives and it’s all been some f*cking… lie?

It’s killed me.

I back out of the room and close the door, calming my heart and breathing. Breathing. For so long, I don’t think I was breathing at all, at least not consciously. Now, every breath is labored and each intake is filled with the scent of Beth’s perfume, and it’s painful.

It hurts to breathe. That’s her fault too.

I want her gone. I need her gone.

And I can’t let her go.





I hear the door close and I turn on my back, letting the tears fall. I did this. I destroyed the love we had. He’s right. Nicole’s right. They all are. I should have tried harder to get back to him. He doesn’t understand why I didn’t. Some days I don’t, myself. I was nineteen basically, scared, tired, and emotionally scarred. I just had a baby and almost died. Getting that damn note, seeing those pictures, it was like some giant cosmic sign that I needed to just… give it up. I never should have been with Skull. I knew better, I just couldn’t make myself stay away.

Did I quit because I was tired of fighting? I don’t know. Maybe? I felt alone after that note. I felt completely alone after seeing those pictures. I made bad choices, I admit it. At the same time I’m so f*cking tired of tears. I’m tired of being the bad guy. I might have made bad choices, but damn it, so did Skull. The only difference is, he is still making them.

I’m done. I sit up in bed and wipe my eyes. He wants to be a f*cking *? Fine. I’m done. He scared me. He threatened to take my child, even if he didn’t follow through with it. He looks at me like I’m dirt under his fingernails, or worse. I’ve seen that damn doctor here a couple of times alone this week. What does he do? Come stare at me in bed and then go to her? The idea makes me physically ill.

I’m done.

I can’t keep going like this and I refuse to cry one more tear. I use the back of my hand to wipe the tears away. Skull hates me? He wants to drive me away from him permanently?

I’ll give him what he wants.

I need to figure out what I want out of life. Skull says he’s intent on wiping Colin and Matthew from the face of the Earth. I’m more than okay with that. If he’d let me, I’d join in. It’s time for me to start putting my life in order. The only way I can do that is to face Skull head-on. I might have been a terrified kid at the age of nineteen, but I can’t be that person anymore. I can’t. Gabby deserves more from me. I deserve more.

Decision made, I grab my robe and decide to find Skull now. It can’t wait until morning. I’ve barely made it five steps away from my door when I see Skull standing in the hall talking to her. Dr. Torres. My stomach clenches and I feel acid churning in it. My first instinct is to go back in my room. Then, I remember my decision to be more adult. To face things head-on. I’m tired of running, and if I don’t face this, that’s all I’m doing again.

Running.

“Skull, could I have a word with you?” I ask, and I’m congratulating myself because I don’t sound scared, which is the tone I normally have around him. I’ve got my hand wrapped around the belt of my robe and I hope he doesn’t look, because I know I’ve pulled it so tight that my hand is deathly white because I’m cutting off circulation.

He whips around to see me, and it could be my imagination, but he looks almost ashamed. Was he not expecting me to find him talking to his mistress? Poor man. Okay, so she might not be his mistress, but she’s sure not his wife. She might be someday, but that day is not right now.

He brings his hand up and rubs the back of his neck, his eyes going over me in that cold way that he’s been using ever since I first got back.

“It’s late, Beth.”

“True, but you obviously aren’t sleeping. Surely you can spend five minutes talking to me before you go do whatever you were getting ready to do?”

Did that sound accusatory? Did I sound jealous? Please, God, do not let me sound jealous. I’m steadfastly ignoring Dr. Torres. I wouldn’t mind kicking her where it hurts. She’d probably swallow my foot whole though if I hit wrong. The bitch.

“Spill it, then.”

“I’d rather not talk in front of your girlfriend, Skull.”

“I don’t have girlfriends.”

“I’m all too familiar with that. I should have listened closer. Still, if it’s all the same, I’d rather discuss this in private.”

Skull exhales a large breath like I’m asking him to jump through hoops. He grabs me roughly and pulls me back to my room. I can’t resist the urge to look over my shoulder at Dr. Torres. I don’t know what I expected to see in the other woman’s face, but it wasn’t what I saw. There’s annoyance there, but it seems like there’s something else, something I can’t describe, but it sets off warning bells.