Released (Caged #3)(15)

My hands and feet went numb, and I couldn’t pull in a breath at all.

“Please…I won’t,” I told her. “I won’t do any of that shit again.”

“There’s more to it than that, Liam.”

“I’ll do anything!” There was more pressure inside of my skull, and breathing wasn’t any easier. Even though I’d beg and swear anything to her, I could see it in her eyes—it wasn’t going to matter. Nothing I said was going to make any difference.

“Such as?”

“I won’t walk out on you again,” I promised.

“You’ve said that before,” she reminded me. “You said you wouldn’t walk out on me again, but you did—twice now. You said you were done with drugs, and you used again. I can’t trust you, Liam.”

“I’ll prove it to you,” I said, “but you have to give me the chance.”

“Get counseling,” Tria said.

I managed not to roll my eyes outside of my own imagination, but it wasn’t easy.

“We’re going to have to save every extra penny, Tria,” I told her. “We can’t afford—”

“Liam,” Tria said as she stood up straighter—the tone of her voice deepened a little— “unless you get help, there is no we. I do understand a lot better now, but I am still going to have this baby. Having the baby means I’m going to be spending the next six months pregnant. After that, there is going to be a baby. If you don’t want to…to give it up, then that means we’re going to be raising it.”

“No adoption,” I said. My heart began to pound in my chest again as her words seeped into me. I focused my hearing on her every word, trying to understand exactly what she was saying—trying to hear some semblance of hope in her tone. “If you…if you are going to go through with it…with the…”

I had to force myself to swallow to keep speaking.

“With the pregnancy, then we’re going to keep the baby.”

“If you are going to be part of this child’s life, you have to get healthy.”

“I will,” I said with a nod. “I won’t touch the H again—ever.”

We stared at each other, unmoving, for a long moment. I hoped to God she believed me. I meant every word of it—I wouldn’t touch the shit again, not if it meant losing her. I knew I could survive withdrawal, and I knew I could get myself past all that because I had done it before. I couldn’t survive without her—I was sure about that.

“As long as you are staying away from the drugs, I would never keep you from your child. I hope you know that I want you to be a part of your child’s life.”

As nice as her words sounded, I didn’t miss what was between the lines.

“What about…what about being part of…of your life?” I asked.

Mentally, I braced myself for the answer. Physically, my body was already trying to freak out on me. Between my shaking hands, numb feet, and churning stomach, I was surprised there weren’t a dozen bleeping noises coming from the machines next to the bed.

“I don’t know, Liam,” Tria replied softly. “You frightened me, and I understand now, but that doesn’t change how much you scared me.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I told her.

“I know you didn’t mean to,” she said, “but you did. And I don’t know how to make you better.”

I gripped the sheets on the bed in a vain attempt to keep myself grounded. I had to be able to think straight. I had to be able to turn this around.

I was losing, and I couldn’t lose.

“If you are going to do this—” I struggled as my throat tried to seize up on me. It took a minute, and I had to start again. “If you are going to go through with this, I want to be there. I have to be able to protect you—keep you safe.”

Tria let out a soft, humorless laugh.

“Liam, you are in no condition to save yourself. What good are you to me right now?”

“I’ll be fine,” I assured her. “I won’t do any of that shit again—I swear—”

“Don’t!” Tria yelled, cutting me off. “Don’t you make another promise to me, Liam Teague. I can’t take any more of those.”

She eyed me for a minute.

“Actions,” she said. “There have to be actions for me to even think about it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, and then decided it didn’t matter. “Whatever it is, Tria—I’ll do it. Whatever you want—whatever you need.”

“Thirty days,” Tria said with a nod.

“What?” I leaned back a bit as my eyebrows came together.

“I’ll give you thirty days,” she repeated. “You do whatever Dr. Baynor tells you—see a counselor, get on medication, take care of yourself, stay clean…hell, keep your apartment clean. I don’t want to hear any excuses about why any of it couldn’t be done.”

I swallowed and nodded.

“There’s one more thing,” she said, “and I know this one is probably going to be the hardest, but I think it’s an important one.”

“What?” I asked.

“Talk to your mother.” Tria’s eyes were calm and sure, while my insides felt like they were being turned inside out. “Someday you are going to need to talk to your father, too, but you need to start with your mother.”