Raw Deal (Larson Brothers #1)(38)
A quick shower to wash off the night’s remnants and she was left to put on her discarded, wrinkled sundress . . . with no panties, because Mike had destroyed them at her urging. She hoped to God a strong burst of wind didn’t send the dress fluttering up around her head, showing her goods to everyone outside the hotel.
The hotel. She didn’t want to think about it. Once she got back there, she would have Rowan to face, and entertain all day, and lie to. How could she look into those unassuming green eyes and pretend last night hadn’t happened? Rowan would ordinarily be the first person she’d share her secrets with, if she shared them with anyone at all. Not this time. Oh, God, no, not this time.
The knowledge dampened her spirits. One night, she thought. Rowan told herself one night. You told yourself one night too.
Now she wanted so many more. She and Mike didn’t have a one-night connection; it would take a lifetime to explore.
“I’m panty-less,” she announced when she found him in the kitchen after drying her hair.
Mike turned from the counter with a wicked grin, handing her a freshly poured cup of coffee. “Trying to tempt me?”
She took the cup and sipped at it, letting her gaze meet his over the rim. “I don’t know. Is it working?”
“Could be.”
“I would walk out on your deck but I’m afraid of flashing any joggers that might be out there.”
He chuckled. “I’ll find you a hoodie. It’ll swallow you, but it should at least keep that pretty ass covered.” Reaching behind her, he gave said ass a squeeze and she damn near melted into a puddle on the floor. Did they really not have time . . . ?
Apparently not. He was already heading back toward the bedroom, telling her he would be right back. Carrying her coffee with her, she moved over to the patio door, watching seagulls frolic out on the beach for a few minutes. Other than the birds, it was empty. Under the steely gray sky, the gulf looked angry and sullen. Still beautiful. She would love to stand out there in a storm. “If I haven’t told you enough already, I love it here,” she called to Mike. “My offer still stands to take it off your hands.”
A chuckle greeted her words. She glanced back at the sound, finding him reentering the kitchen carrying a bundled hoodie in one hand. “I’m afraid I’ve grown attached.”
“I don’t blame you. I would never leave.”
“Ordinarily I split my time pretty evenly. When I’m training I like to be close to the gym.”
Another unwanted thought touched her, and her cup froze halfway to her mouth. Why now? Why had all these reservations jumped up to attack her this morning? “Do you have a fight coming up? You’d said something about retiring before.”
He was a while answering. “Yeah, I know. I’m still thinking about it. I work with my coach several times a week but no, I don’t have anything scheduled. My manager wanted me to step back for a while, and I wanted to also.”
Probably a smart move. “Have you told your people what you’re thinking?”
“No.”
He must not be considering it too hard, or he would ask for input from his team. She took a drink of coffee, debating with herself. “I don’t think I can ever be around it again,” she admitted after a moment. “After Tommy . . . No. I couldn’t.”
“For a while I didn’t want to be around it either. I slowly got back in the gym, but it hasn’t been easy. I just . . . I need it.”
“Why?”
“It’s all I know.” He’d been averting his gaze; now it snapped back to her for a brief moment and he grabbed his truck keys off the counter. “Ready to go?”
Bundled in his heather-gray sweatshirt that not only covered her ass but hung halfway to her knees, allowing only the merest flutter of her dress to show underneath the band, she climbed in his truck and buckled up, feeling at odds with herself. The excitement and magic of last night was in ashes now, replaced with the towering brick wall of reality—and she had just careened madly into it.
There was nothing for them. The lifetime she’d romantically contemplated earlier was some alternate reality where Tommy was still alive. That reality wasn’t here, and it damn sure wasn’t now.
The hour back to Houston turned out to be closer to two; early morning traffic was heavy heading into the city. It felt like forever. They largely spent it wrapped in a terrible, aching silence while Savannah watched the buildings and cars whiz maniacally by as Mike navigated the freeways with all the kamikaze skill and confidence of someone who’d been driving here his entire life. Whenever she glanced at him, his face was like stone, his hands gripping the wheel so hard one good yank would probably tear it from the dash.
He felt it too, then.
Maybe later it wouldn’t hurt so much. Later, after she spent time with Rowan, after she witnessed more of her sister-in-law’s bad days, after she experienced a few of her own. She still had them, those moments when she heard something funny and almost called Tommy to tell him about it. And then she would remember, and it was almost as if his death had just happened all over again.
None of that was Mike’s fault. She believed that, or she couldn’t have let last night happen. But it would be much easier to deal with losing what might have been now that she knew what true loss felt like. Nothing else could come close to that. It would be all right. She could deal.