Raw Deal (Larson Brothers #1)(28)
He didn’t seem any more eager to end their time out here than she was. Together they stood on the sand, staring out at the flat limitless black beyond, the stars sparkling above.
“It’s beautiful,” she said softly, closing her eyes and letting the wind lift her hair off her shoulders. Peace settled over her such that she hadn’t known in weeks. She felt so tiny, so infinitesimally small out here, but there was comfort in that, in knowing she was only a blip in this vast universe. That there were powers in control beyond her narrow scope.
“I spent a lot of time here,” Michael said, his voice bringing her back. It was a nice place to come back to. “After.”
“I don’t think I would ever leave.”
His laugh was warm, touching her in some deep part of her soul that had felt dead and withered for so long, bringing it to life again. “Believe me, it was tough to. I only left to find you.”
“Oh, it wasn’t me you were looking for.”
“I didn’t know it at the time, yeah. But I’m glad you were who I found.”
She stole a glance up at his solemn profile, cast in silhouette by a distant light. “Me too,” she said. Then she found his hand with hers, curling her fingers tentatively around its solid warmth. When he took hold, she lost her breath. Hard, callused fingers rasped against her delicate skin. She’d only thought she felt tiny before, she’d only thought touching him outside his truck had affected her. The strength thrumming under his skin turned her knees to jelly. The surf washing away the sand under her feet made her unsteady, as if one false step could wash her away too—or maybe it was just him. His tidal influence over the ebb and flow of her body, the one she’d only discovered now, with his hand around hers.
“Oh, God,” she said weakly, lowering her head. She couldn’t feel this way. She couldn’t. She didn’t know him, and no one would understand. But instead of letting go, she only squeezed his hand harder. The only anchor she had in this maelstrom of emotion was the hand that might very well have ended Tommy’s life.
“Savannah?”
A tear fell from her eye, traveling all the way to the wet sand at her bare feet. She couldn’t let him see her cry. He would feel responsible. “I’m okay.” A shudder racked her, belying her words.
“Come here.” She should have protested, but she couldn’t. All there was to do was go into his arms, bury her face in his chest, let him hold her while her silent tears leaked onto his shirt. It felt like such a safe place, like nothing could ever hurt her here. But how many people had learned differently? How many people had suffered because of the power in this body next to hers?
His hand stroked down her head, taming her hair from the teasing effects of the gulf wind. Hard to believe a hand that touched her so gently could ever hurt anyone.
Beneath her cheek, his heart beat strong and steady, nothing like the erratic acrobatics hers was performing. If she could just hide here with him and never have to face the world again, maybe everything would be okay.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, and she heard the words rumble through his chest.
She swallowed against the lump in her throat. God, how could she tell him when she didn’t know herself? “I’m trying not to.”
“I know all about that.”
“Tell me something about you.” Something good, she pleaded silently. The surprise he felt at her request, and then the resulting discomfort, was practically palpable.
“What do you want to know?”
“Anything. Anything you would like to tell me.”
His stillness was telling in itself, but she waited for him, hoping he would say something perfect. “I haven’t had it easy, Savannah. An Internet search can tell you pretty much all you need to know.”
“No. It can’t help me know you.”
“Here’s something. I would do anything for my brothers. And I have. I’ve done everything for them.”
Loyalty. He was loyal to a fault, too loyal for his own good, maybe. “Your mother? You’ve never really mentioned her.”
“My mother’s dead.”
She lifted her head to look at him, finding a distance in his expression that had her reaching for him without even thinking about it, trying to bring him back to her. The moment her hand touched his stubble-roughened cheek, he found her again. “I’m sorry,” she said. “If you don’t want to—”
“If you need to know, I’ll tell you. It’s not anything I’ve ever tried to hide. Yes, I did everything I could for her too. But I couldn’t save her from herself. She overdosed on heroin when I was eighteen.”
“My God. How old were your brothers?”
“Zane was sixteen, Damien fourteen. Zane is the one who found her.” He sighed, his chest rising and falling beneath her cheek. She tightened her arms around him. “It was bad, but I can’t say it was unexpected. At least it wasn’t to me.”
“What do you do after something like that? I can’t even imagine.”
“First off, you try to keep your younger brothers out of foster care. Mom had alienated any family we had a long time ago. Living with their fathers wasn’t an option because they had records. So it fell to me. I was an adult in the eyes of the law but still a kid. I dropped out of school my senior year so I could go to work to support them, and went to prizefights whenever I could. I already had a coach getting me some amateur stuff. Some mornings after getting my ass kicked, I hurt so bad I could hardly move, face all busted up, but I still dragged myself to whatever job I managed to find. Two jobs, sometimes three. They’ll never know everything I did for them. I don’t want them to.”