Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(6)

"That's nice, but the cop would never have been in the position to be shot if I hadn't run away from Locke."

"If people allowed criminals to do whatever they want, we'd need no police officers, but this wouldn't be a rational response to crime."

"Huh?"

"You can't blame yourself for not wanting to be a victim of crime. Locke is a criminal. The retired officer was killed by Locke, not you. Only one person should take re-sponsibility for that death."

"I'm ruining my sister's life. Since I've been back, she spends most of her time worrying about me. She drives me around because I'm too spaced out to drive myself. She worries over my every meal. Am I sleeping enough or too much? She has two children, and I'm like a third. As if that wasn't bad enough, her house is now partially destroyed by a killer sent to take me back. I'm a plague, destroying everything I touch. Locke infected me, and now I spread his evil to the ones I love."

Doctor Parker scribbles something on her notepad. Watching her, I take a book from the shelf and use it to fan myself. I feel safer wrapped in lots of clothes. Even hot as hell, I prefer the false sense of security.

"Have you suffered any dark thoughts about how the world would be better off without you?" she asks, turning up the air conditioner again.

I shake my head, knowing if I admit otherwise that I might end up in a 48-hour hold at the local psych ward. I won't share how many times I've considered ending my life. If I weren't so cowardly, I'd have done it like the first Rose.

"When I think negative thoughts about running away from here and hiding from everyone, I know I couldn't do that to my sister."

"But you never think of hurting yourself."

"I survived for nine months. I don't want to die now that I'm free."

Doctor Parker nods, but I don't know if she believes me. We've had these sessions twice a week since I arrived in Houston, and her face is rarely readable.

"I want to give you a few exercises to do before we meet next."

Groaning, I roll my eyes. "Exercising will counteract all the eating I'm doing. I want to get fat enough for Locke to lose interest."

"These aren't physical exercises," she says patiently. "I'd like you to list five goals for yourself once the situation with Locke is dealt with. Be as detailed as possible."

Relieved she doesn't expect me to work out; I take the sheet of paper she has typed out all tidy for me.

"Can you tell me one right now?"

I struggle to think of anything I imagine for my future. The things I once assumed like traveling, finding a husband, and having children now feel out of reach. Leaving the house is too scary. Men are scarier. Children make too much noise.

"I want to visit my grandparents' graves near their old cabin," I say, pulling an idea out of my ass. "They raised Shelley and me after our parents died. I think staying at the cabin and remembering my time with them would be nice."

Doctor Parker scribbles on her notebook again. I hate these sessions. My every breath scrutinized, I feel trapped again. With Locke, I never enjoyed a true moment alone. My feelings forever molded by a sociopath, I'm now stuck lying to avoid being locked away for my own good.

The session finally ends after I very slowly explain everything I've eaten today and everything I plan to eat after leaving her office. She doesn't want to hear what I'm saying, but she's stuck. Telling me to shut up isn't in her job description.

After I send Minka a text to warn her I'm leaving the room; she's waiting at the ready in the waiting room. Next to such a confident woman, I feel like a clumsy loser as she leads me to the car outside.

"Did the session go okay?" she asks once we're driving to the apartment.

"I guess. We just talk."

"I saw a therapist years ago. She told me I needed extensive therapy and mountains of medication. I told her to eat shit and die. For that, I paid a hundred dollars."

Smiling slightly, I stare out the window and look for suspicious vehicles. I have no damn idea what makes one car more suspicious than another considering we're driving in a crowded city. Still I pretend I'm useful.

"Your clothes were moved to the apartment during the doctor visit," Minka says.

"Will you stay with me?"

"You'll need around the clock security, so different members of the team will take turns. Don't worry. They're all talented badasses. Not as good as me but close."

Even smiling, I'm nervous. Minka seems nice and patient. I'm afraid the next person will be mean. What if they yell at me? I'm sick of crying, but someone raising their voice at me makes tears unavoidable. If Minka's replacement is a man and he yells at me, I might hide in a damn closet for the rest of the week.

I imagine all sorts of ugly possibilities waiting for me when I arrive at the apartment. Minka pats me on the shoulder and says it'll be fine. Shaking wildly in complete terror, I only nod while waiting to meet her replacement.

I'm completely unprepared for who I find.





5


~~~

Darla

Safety in Silence

How is a living Ken doll standing in the kitchen of my new apartment? Have I taken too many of the tranquilizers today? Minka stands next to him, and she doesn't look like part of a hallucination.