Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(115)
I'm told Denise is a good baby. I don't know what a bad baby is like, so I can't really compare. She cries a lot but mostly sleeps. I go through the motions with the redheaded giant baby girl who stares at me. I don't know if she senses I'm not a good person or that I'm nervous around her. Whenever I feed her, she stares transfixed by me as if afraid to turn her back on the bad lady. To be fair, she also stares at Brad, but I sense she's simply impressed by his beauty.
When Denise is three months old, a virus runs through the house. Ruth gets sick first and soon Nell is bedridden. The minute Brad feels off, he quarantines himself in a guest bedroom. Suddenly, I'm alone with Denise.
Trapped with my child who I don't understand, I constantly cry which makes her cry. We're two sobbing females in a house where everyone else is puking. This isn't the fairytale I imagined when I fell in love with Brad. I stupidly believed he could magically fix all the flawed things about me. Love is a powerful thing, but even it has limitations.
Hour after hour, I bounce around the living room, trying to soothe Denise when I can't even soothe myself. We're still crying when Brad peeks out of his room to see if he can help us by sending happy thoughts.
"Put on Ghost Hunters," he says from down the hall.
I'm too tired to argue with Brad, despite knowing he should be in bed. After turning on the show, I return to pacing with my crying baby. Denise looks too much like me when I was a baby. Was I a miserable baby too? Was that why my mother hated me? I know my thoughts are stupid, but I feel like I've created another me rather than the mini-Brad I wanted.
My husband mutters something about a ghost recording from the show. Frowning, I glance at the ghost hunters gasping and flinching at imaginary terrors. Even after all this time and seeing too many episodes, I can't help laughing at their antics.
"I think this house might actually be haunted," Brad says.
His worried expression makes me laugh harder. "It's not our house, so why do you care?" I ask between giggles.
Over my rolling laughter, I miss the sound. Brad's smile draws my attention back to now laughing Denise. I've seen her laugh for Brad and Ruth but never for me. Now she's laughing wildly.
Kissing her wet cheeks like Brad does for me, I feel like a parent for the first time. Instead of a caregiver doing a job, I'm a mother capable of soothing her baby. Denise isn't scared of me. She's just never sees me do anything except stare at her, so she only stares back at me.
Brad watches us, knowing his little plan worked. I wish I could climb the huge man and thank him properly, but that'll have to wait. Through Brad's eyes, I see me holding Denise, and we're one hell of a beautiful sight.
Epilogue
Brad
Tight Knit Forever
Two years after Denise joins our family, Saskia gets the go-ahead from the doctor to try for another baby. She won't do anything without his approval, taking childbearing very seriously. Three months later, she's pregnant with our last child, Randy. Like his sister, he's born with red hair but is blond by his toddler years. They both share Saskia's dark eyes.
Her pregnancy with Randy is very different from her first. Saskia doesn't suffer from depression and never fears the new baby will hate her. Most days, she walks around the property with Denise, speaking in Ukrainian. Our kids grow up bilingual while I learn enough of Saskia's native language to follow along with their conversations.
Saskia has her tubes tied during the c-section with Randy. She knows what she wants, and two children are it. As only children, we both love the idea of a girl and a boy.
Randy loves music, often joining me in the studio while I write songs. I begin teaching him to play the piano when he turns four. By ten, he jams on the guitar with me on the weekends. Although Randy loves playing loud music, he's reserved like his mother the rest of the time. The way he prowls silently through the house makes me think he'd be quite the killer if born into another life.
In our life, his quiet steps only mean he's great at scaring his sister. Not much else frightens Denise, who thinks my ghost shows and movies are lame. She also has no interest in music. The only hobby she shares with me is my love for shooting hoops out back. By the time Denise reaches junior high, she's six inches taller than her mother and the star point guard on the school basketball team.
When the kids are preteens, we visit Kiev to learn more about Saskia's home country. She worries about old enemies seeing us and decides to dress incognito the entire trip. The kids know enough about their mother's past to understand her disguises. They choose to wear them too. I'm the only one not wearing a goofy wig or hat the entire time.
Saskia lays flowers on Sela's grave. She doesn't cry while sitting on the cold ground and speaking quietly in Ukrainian. After a while, the kids join her. They're close to their mom as I am with mine. We're a tight family, and grandmas Ruth and Nell wait for us back at the hotel. My kids will never know the cold hard life Saskia suffered. Watching them together, I can only smile at how much they're alike. They share their mother's quiet demeanor and often-serious expressions. Their laughter mimics their mother's, and her lovely laugh helped me fall in love with Saskia.
The cold woman I met on the first day hasn't shown herself in a very long time. She wasn't the real Saskia anyway. From day one, I sensed a beautiful and warm woman hiding underneath.