Rake's Redemption (Wind Dragons MC #4)(14)

“A weakness?” I ask, not sure what he means by that exactly.

“Showing emotion is showing weakness,” he says, looking into my eyes. “If two people are angry, and one stands quietly while the other rages and breaks shit, who do you think is the most powerful, mentally?”

“Does it matter who is most powerful?” I ask, tilting my head to the side. “I guess the quiet one would be, but then he would hold it all inside, and it would slowly eat at him. The man who raged and reacted may have less control, but he gets all the emotions out, so they don’t destroy him.”

“Yeah, well,” he says, looking down at his feet. “You make me rage. You make me feel shit I don’t want to feel.”

I swallow hard at the emotion in his voice.

“I’ll wait until you get inside and lock the door,” he says, but I don’t move. I just look into his eyes, seeing how much of my Adam is still in there.

“Bailey, go,” he whispers, eyes narrowing.

I nod and slowly walk to my front door.

I’m about to close it when I hear him say, “It would help if you weren’t so f*ckin’ beautiful.”

But that must have been my imagination, right?

I close the door, lock it, turn around, and collapse against it. My breaths come in pants, in and out, in and out in quick puffs. I squeeze my eyes shut, emotions running through me. Ghosts from past pains, past wounds that are now being split back open. Why did this have to happen? I don’t want to deal with all of this. I was finally in a good place, and now . . . I won’t let him ruin that. He made me so angry, but then when we just spoke . . . he made me feel something else. Something I need to bury. The anger, yeah, I can understand that. The other emotions—no, I don’t need to concentrate on those. They don’t exist. I need to learn how not to let him get under my skin.

It’s been years, I tell myself over and over again.

The past can hurt me only if I let it.

I need to be stronger.

When I get my breathing under control, I pull myself together, have a long, hot shower, and then go and pick up a sleeping Cara from Tia’s house. I put her in bed next to me, cuddling close.

But even then, sleep doesn’t come.

All I do is replay his words in my head, over and over again, in a loop.

The only thing I did was trust a woman who obviously couldn’t keep her legs closed. The only thing I did wrong. The only thing.

He has no idea, and it’s my fault he doesn’t.

The truth is, I’ve been protecting someone who doesn’t deserve it. Adam’s anger, bitterness, and venom—I don’t deserve them.

Why don’t I just tell him? I don’t want to go back there, but I can’t keep going on like this either.

The truth will set me free, but it will enslave Rake.

I don’t want to hurt him, but right now all I’m doing is hurting myself.

What the hell am I going to do?

*

The next time I see Adam is several weeks later. In the wrong place at the wrong time, again.

After picking up Cara from school and then taking her to her dance class, I was too tired to cook, so I decided to stop at one of the diners we pass on the way home. Had I paid attention and seen the two bikes out front, I would have turned around. But I didn’t. So here I am, sitting across the booth from my daughter, waiting for our orders, while Adam and one of his biker friends sit with two women, eating, laughing, and being generally obnoxious. They haven’t seen me yet, and I hope to keep it that way.

“How was your class today, Mom?” Cara asks me sweetly.

My expression softens as I look at her, my worries fading away. “It was great, Cara. My students learned a new letter of the alphabet. How was your day?”

“Good!” she beams. “It was library day, so I got a new book.”

“Which book did you get?” I ask her, just as a waitress brings us our drinks.

“Thank you,” I tell the young girl, then look at my daughter expectantly.

“Thank you,” Cara tells her, then starts to sip on her milk shake.

“You’re welcome.” The girl smiles, then leaves our table.

“It’s a book about a unicorn,” Cara continues, wiping the milk off her lips with the back of her hand. “Can we read it tonight?”

“Sure,” I tell her, playing with the straw in my juice. “After dinner and bath time.”

I suddenly feel eyes on me, and I try my hardest not to look in their direction. From their angle, they can see me but not Cara.

Maybe he’ll just pretend that he doesn’t know me.

Or is that just wishful thinking?

I hear Adam’s friend, the bald guy, call out, “Where are you going, Rake?”

Shit.

Is he coming over here?

I don’t want to look over and check.

Would he be rude to me in front of my daughter?

I’d kill him if he did that, but to be honest I don’t think he would.

“What are you doing here, Bailey? Why are you there every time I turn around?” I hear him growl. I can now feel everyone in the diner staring at me. Goddamn the man. Did he have to be so loud? Adam never did care what people thought, but I don’t want to get attention like this with my daughter here.

I don’t even lift my head. “What? Do you own this diner too?”