Raging Heart On (Lucas Brothers #2)(112)

“Could I go with you?” I ask, hating that I’m asking him for anything when he’s mad at me.

“You’ll be fine here, Tess. Just stay alert,” he says already getting up to leave me.

“No, it’s not that, I mean I’d like to wash off, you know?

“Tess, you just had a bath, we don’t have the…”

“Max, he touched me. I need to wash, please?”

I glance up at him when I tell him the real reason I want the water, and I see his jaw clamp shut. His eyes darken, and I think he might deny me again. He doesn’t though. “Suit yourself,” he says and then starts walking further into the dense forest.

I follow him. I figure it’s okay since he didn’t forbid it outright. It feels weird that things are so stilted between Max and I. I don’t like it, but there’s not much I can do about it. He finds a small creek somehow. I have no idea how he manages to do the things he does. Maybe it is part of that soldier survival training or whatever. He fills up our canteens and then hands me a bar of soap. My hand shakes as I reach out to get it. How can he be so thoughtful one minute and a wild vigilante the next? How can he rock me with kindness when I have seen the deadliness that lurks just below the surface? I wait, but he doesn’t really move.

“Max, could you turn around?”

He studies my face, and I can feel my face heat from the scrutiny.

“So you can suck on my cock and ride my face, but I can’t watch you bathe and make sure you’re safe?”

“Just turn, Max,” I tell him, ignoring his blunt words. I can’t let myself think about that right now.

I think he’s tired of fooling with me because he turns. I waste no time taking my shirt off and washing everywhere Hernandez touched. I scrub hard, leaving the skin almost raw and red. You can’t tell I’ve been violated, but that’s exactly, what it feels like.

“Tess, sweetheart, you’re clean, come out of there, baby.”

The softness in his voice gets through the haze I’m in. I didn’t even realize I was crying until that moment. Max has the blanket he gave me earlier in his hands. He must have gone back and got it while I was washing. He wraps me up in it, and then picks me up in his arms and leads me back to our camp. I don’t protest; I don’t even think to protest. I’m pretty sure I’m in shock, and despite my confusion, I know one thing. I feel safe in Max’s arms, and right now I need to feel safe.

“Rest. I’ve got you.”

I’m crying harder, and as he settles us down on the ground, I curl back into him and burrow my head tight against his chest. I’m crying too hard to respond. Slowly I calm and concentrate on the way Max is combing my hair and the rhythm of his breathing.

“I’m sorry, Max.”

“It’s okay, Kitten. You were only telling the truth. Your world and mine they don’t mix. We both forgot that for a little while. It’s good we were reminded now, instead of later.”

“Max…”

“Go to sleep. We’ll travel when you wake, and by nightfall you’ll be in your own bed, and this will have just been a bad memory,” he says interrupting me.

“That’s not what I want,” I tell him and as confused as I am, I know that I don’t want to end things with Max like this. I’m not sure how it’s supposed to end, but not like this.

“Me either, but it’s how it has to be. Surely today showed you that if nothing else,” he replies and his voice sounds so monotone and final. We’ve gone too far, and there’s not going back. I have to acknowledge that. Max is right too, maybe our worlds don’t mix. My fantasies about Max Kincaid were just that…fantasies.

“I wish things were different. I’ll miss you so much. Goodnight, Max.”

He doesn’t say it back, and even that hurts. Just as I’m about to fall asleep with the beat of Max’s heart drumming beneath my ear, I hear him. It’s light, and I fight through my tiredness, to grasp the words.

“I’ll miss you too, Kitten, I’ll miss you too.” And it’s in those words I hear the sadness inside of him and part of me wishes I hadn’t. I hurt Max. I hurt him, and I don’t know how to fix it or even if I should. With each beat of his heart, my time is running out. What do I do? What on Earth do I do about Max Kincaid?





16


Max


I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Both of us sleeping is too damn dangerous out in the open like this. If the animals don’t attack us, there are plenty of people out there looking to do it. The combination of all the walking, the mess that has been the last few days and the sadness of admitting I needed to send Tess home, all combined to wear me out.

When I wake, Tess is still out to the world. She’s lying with her head on my chest, on her side. Her face is buried into my neck and her arm is curled around me. She fits me perfectly, everything about her feels right. Except that, I can’t keep her.

Tess is something that I never saw coming. I’ve lived an okay life. I was pretty satisfied. I had my shop, some good friends, cold beers, and what I thought were good times. I never had to work too hard to have a warm place to stick my cock, and that’s all I ever wanted. I didn’t do relationships and had no use for them. When I made the decision to end the life of the man that robbed me of my child, I had no idea what might be waiting for me.