Race the Darkness (Fatal Dreams, #1)(30)

“Is that how you knew my name?”

“Yes.”

“Were they good dreams?”

Oooohhhh, yyeeeaaahhh. They’d always had a happy ending, courtesy of his skill as a lover. Not that she was ever going to tell him about all her sex dreams of them together. Naked. Hot. Sweaty. And sweet. So achingly sweet she’d fallen a little deeper for him after each dream.

“Tell me”—Xander pulled back from her, dipping his head down to look into her eyes—“fucking tell me they were good dreams.”

His eyes were an autumnal set of colors—brown near the pupil, fading to gold, surrounded by deep green. Fall was her favorite season.

“Fucking Christ, tell me.” The words sounded angry, but his tone overflowed with regret and apology. “Were they good dreams?”

When he used that tone, she had to answer him. “The best dreams of my life.” Hunger and thirst for him was so prominent in her voice he’d have to be deaf to not know what she meant.

He relaxed against the pillow, facing her. “Thank God.”

“You don’t think that’s weird? That I sound crazy?”

“Weird is relative. I…”—he winced and closed his eyes—“I’ve heard you inside my head for years.” He opened his eyes and she saw something deep inside them, something she didn’t have a name for, something that looked painful.

“It’s okay if you had the dreams too. I’m glad.” From the moment she’d opened her eyes in that room and realized Xander was really there to take her away from all the suffering, she’d known they were connected in a way that defied normalcy.

“No, it wasn’t dreams.” His hand, still on her ribs, squeezed, holding her tight as if she might try to move away from him and he didn’t want that. Apology shone in his eyes. “I heard you… Holy Christ, I heard you inside my head begging for help. Begging me to find you. Only I thought—fuck—I thought you were a hallucination. I didn’t know you were real. I thought I was insane.”

Her heart halted its beats and hung limp inside her chest like a discarded plastic bag snagged on a tree limb. How many times had she cried for his help? Pleaded for him save her? To end her suffering? More than she could count.

He watched her, his gaze doing more than just taking in her response to his words. He was sorry and trying to understand everything she’d been through. There was no understanding, no rationalizing. Nothing was going to make what happened to her and Gran all right. The buried memories, all the things she never wanted to remember, threatened to stage a resurrection. No. She wasn’t going to let the past steal her sanity and revoke her new reality.

Not now.

Not ever.

She took every word, every syllable he’d just uttered and planted them directly in the grave of memories.

Instead of moving away from him, like he seemed to expect, she scooted in closer until no space separated them. He hugged her tight and thankfully didn’t say anything else. They remained that way for long, lazy minutes, until she found the exact right words she wanted to say.

“The past is the past. Right now is all that matters.” She gyrated her hips against him. “And right now I want you.”

He held perfectly still. “You’re only five days out of that torture trailer. Your body is still healing. Everything is happening so quickly for you. I don’t want—”

“I feel good. I feel healthy.” She kissed his throat. “I want you like I had you in my dreams.” Talking about her dreams was nothing compared to talking about her past. It just might get her what she wanted—him. And a distraction.

“I don’t want you to go down a road you might regret later.”

“I know what I want. I want you. How many more times do I have to say it?” Impatience crept into her tone.

He flipped her over onto her back and was on top of her, the steel strength of him covering her like a safety blanket of Kevlar. His beautiful, changeable eyes locked on her lips. “If I do more than hold you, if I kiss you, I’ll want more than your mouth. I’ll want to fuck you.”





Chapter 10


“…I’ll want more than your mouth. I’ll want to fuck you.” Did he just say that out loud? Yes, he had. He could tell by the way her lips parted in an enticingly stunned manner. He opened his mouth to…to what? Apologize? Nope. He meant every word; he just hadn’t meant to be so damned blunt.

“Xander, I want you to”—cotton-candy pink splotches of color tinged her cheeks—“fuck me.”

Her words went straight to his dick. She’d never uttered a word that could obliquely be called a curse word, and now she was dropping the f-bomb? Sexy as hell.

“Baby.” It was the only word in existence.

She reached up, weaving her fingers into his hair, and tugged him to her mouth. He could’ve resisted. Yeah, he could’ve. Until he got his first taste. Her mouth tasted of sweetness and promise, of the past and future, of now and forever. Logic no longer existed. In its place resided a profound certainty that this was his destiny.

His heart banged inside his chest. Her heart—he could hear it—beat a counter rhythm. Her breathing, his breathing, only added to the melody. “I wish you could hear us. Our heartbeats, our breathing.” He whispered against her mouth, pressing his forehead to hers. “Together we sound beautiful.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything about his hearing issues. Not yet.