Punk 57(72)

But I notice something in the dark and pinch my eyebrows together, coming over and reaching in, touching his hand.

“This drawer should be deeper,” I tell him, my fingers hitting a plank of wood. I’d noticed his hand and wrist in the drawer when the depth should’ve eaten up half his forearm.

We both feel around, and Masen narrows his eyes, finding something and pulling on it.

He lifts up the piece of wood, the clothes fall back, and I see another compartment underneath.

Masen reaches in and pulls out what looks like a stack of cards. He turns them over and looks at them, but then he drops his hand back into the drawer, stuffing the cards back into the compartment.

“What?” I prod, reaching in and trying to grab the stack away from him.

“It’s nothing.” He tries to replace the board. “It’s not what I’m looking for.”

But I force my way in and rip the stack out of his hand.

Shooting him a joking little scowl, I turn the cards over and look at them.

My chest caves. Oh, my God.

They’re not cards. They’re pictures. Four by sixes by the looks of it, and I stare at each image, shuffling the cards one after another, my stomach churning.

Lindsey Beck, a senior who graduated last year.

Fara Corelli, a senior in my class this year.

Abigail Dunst, another senior.

Sylvie Lanquist, a junior.

Georgia York. J.D.’s older sister. He probably doesn’t have any idea about that.

Girl after girl, naked and in a variety of different poses. Some of them are selfies, some of them taken by someone else, and in one of them, Trey has a girl straddling him. His face holds a sleazy smile.

Disgusted, I curl my fingers around the pictures.

Brandy Matthews is naked and on her hands and knees, the camera catching the side of her face as Trey, I would assume, kneels behind her and takes the picture.

My heart races, and I feel like it’s going to jump out of my chest. I shuffle the next card and see Sylvie, her mouth open and…

I drop my hands, looking away. Gross.

My God. What’s wrong with him? Who takes pictures of that many women—girls—committing sexual acts? Did they know he was doing it to all of them? And Sylvie’s the sweetest kid. How long did he sweet-talk her to get what he wanted?

“I’m sorry, babe.”

I scoff, tossing the pics on the dresser. “You think I don’t know what he’s about?”

“Well, you are still going to prom with him.”

I shoot a look over to him, aggravated he keeps bringing that up.

No. I’m not going to prom with Trey. Not anymore. If he treats girls he’s able to get naked like that, how will he treat someone he can’t get into bed?

But I won’t tell Masen that. He’ll just gloat.

I look down and see another picture in his hand and inch forward. “What is that?”

He hoods his eyes, shaking his head like I need to leave it alone. I dart out and snatch the picture, holding it up in front of me.

Lyla is naked and wet, her hair soaked and sticking to her cheeks and neck, and she’s posing against what looks like a shower wall, her arms over her head and her breasts on display. Her eyes taunt the camera—or whoever’s behind it.

Trey. If he’s not the one with the camera, he still has the picture of her.

But I’m not fooling myself. They f*cked. And recently, too. Lyla’s wearing the bronze wrist cuff she bought when we shopped three Saturdays ago.

I don’t care about him, and I don’t really like her, so why do I feel my eyes burning and my throat aching with a scream?

I’m not jealous he got from her what he wasn’t getting from me, and I’m not jealous they got off on each other. But why did they feel they could do it behind my back?

I feel a warm hand touch my face. “You know what she’s about just as much as him,” Masen says. “This doesn’t surprise you.”

I shake my head, blinking through the thick tears I can’t stop from welling up. “No,” I barely whisper, staring at the photo.

No, I’m not surprised. I just feel like shit for some reason. The whole time I thought I was winning. I thought I was on top. But behind my back, the people I thought I could handle were handling me. They think I’m stupid, after all. Someone they find easy to humiliate.

Just like before.

I knew Trey wasn’t holding out for me, so I didn’t care. But I did think I had Lyla figured out. I thought I had her respect.

What fun she must have had, standing next me and knowing that she’s getting a piece of someone she thinks I might want.

Fat tears spill over, and I feel a weight on my shoulders. It’s not Trey. It’s not Lyla. It’s me. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be.

“You know, I turned into this,” I tell him, my voice cracking and an ache settling behind my eyes, “because I was a kid and I thought there was something more. I traded friends I didn’t think were good enough for friends who really aren’t good enough.”

I blink long and hard, my wet lashes falling against my cheek. “Even Misha gave up on me.”

Masen cups my face gently. “I’m sure Misha has a reason,” he says sadly. “Because there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“There’s so much wrong with me.” A sob shakes my chest, and I cry harder. “I don’t have any friends, Masen.”