Pull (Seaside #2)(9)

In a few minutes I had popcorn and a soda. I glanced back at the office door and took a deep breath, hoping to God that she wouldn’t make me talk any more about my feelings.

It was quiet when I walked in. Mrs. Murray sat, legs crossed, waiting for me. I plopped onto the floor and tossed some popcorn into my mouth.

“We have about fifteen minutes left of our session, Demetri.”

She always did this, mainly because the first time we had a session I would ask how much longer we had, like every five minutes. Now she just told me, so I wouldn’t interrupt her.

“Okay.” I sipped the sugary soda. It was nothing like beer. It made my stomach almost sick, but ever since I quit all my addictions, I needed something to drink that wasn’t bad for me — not that high fructose corn syrup was good, but still.

My obsession with Starbucks had also skyrocketed over the last year. It was the only way to keep the cravings at bay. I would drink soda during the afternoon and evening, and in the mornings I had at least three cups of coffee. I added non-alcoholic Kahlua creamer in order to get my fix.

Keeping my fingers occupied, when all I wanted was a cigarette, also proved a problem. At nineteen, it wasn’t like it was illegal, but smoking went hand in hand with drinking for me. If I had one, I wanted the other, so I had to cut everything out of my life.

Nat had suggested licorice. It helped sometimes. Most of the time I just felt like beating my head against a wall.

“Demetri, did you hear me?”

“Hmm?” My head snapped up. I reached for more popcorn, but the bowl was empty. I really needed to start running or doing something so I didn’t blow up from all the stress-eating.

Mrs. Murray set down her notepad. “I think we made a lot of progress today, Demetri.” She cleared her throat. “I also think you’re right.”

“Pardon?” I sputtered.

“What you said about people making choices. I think you were spot on. Not only that, but it’s a very wise thing for you to say at such a young age.”

“I’m nineteen,” I growled.

Her smile was patronizing. The type of smile you give a kid when they hold up their hand and say, “I’m five now!” I closed my eyes and rested my head against the cold leather couch.

“Yes, you are,” she agreed. “I think you’d be a good group leader too, Demetri.”

Was she high?

“Um, you know I’m kind of in a group, right? As in, my brother and I are in a group, and I’m the lead singer?” I was looking at her like she’d lost her mind.

“Got that.” She winked. “I mean a group leader in group therapy.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “I think I’m a little too messed up in the head to lead anyone right now.”

“Which is why you’re perfect.” She stood and brushed her hands on her skirt. “The rest of the group will relate to you, and I think you’re ready for the next step.” She sighed and looked straight into my eyes. “Demetri, can I be honest with you?”

“Aren’t you always?”

She gave me a hand up. I was towering over her as she slipped off her glasses and wiped them on her shirt. “I don’t think you’re going to keep making progress until you start to heal, and I don’t think you’re going to start healing unless you deal with the grief you went through. I think you need to be around people who understand that grief. Maybe together you guys can work through stuff. Besides, you’re a natural leader, which makes you either the most powerful man in the room or the most dangerous.”

“Why the most dangerous?” I drew my eyebrows together and shoved my hands in my pockets.

Mrs. Murray returned her glasses to her face. “Because, you can lead people to success, or you can bring them down with you.”

“Kind of how Alec brought me down with the whole drugs and alcohol thing?”

She nodded and grimaced. “Yes. Though when you remind me of things like that, you make the mom side of me want to check up on him and Nat.”

“Nat’s fine.” I rolled my eyes.

“Right.” She patted my arm and led me to the door. “Just think about it, okay?” She pushed a small, yellow paper into my hand. Did that mean I had to read it?

I stuffed it into my pocket. “Fine. Hey, is Nat home?”

Mrs. Murray tilted her head. “She didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“One of the shows was canceled, so Nat flew down early to be with Alec.”

“Oh.” A stab of disappointment jammed my chest, irritating the hell out of me.

“Demetri?”

“Yeah?” I turned back around.

“You need to find some friends.”

Find? She made it sound like a Where’s Waldo game. Crap. At this point I’d even settle for Waldo, but there were next to no normal people in this small town. Most of them partied anyway.

How did a person even make friends without partying? I laughed and shrugged her off. “Story of my life. I’ll let you know how the search goes next time I’m out and about, singing my taffy song.”

“Okay.” She smiled warmly, and I left the house.

The warm summer air whipped my hair against my forehead. I pulled out my cell phone and sent a group text to Nat and Alec.