Pull (Seaside #2)(25)

“Sam.” I cleared my throat and stepped aside, letting him in.

“Thanks, Demetri.” Was he mocking me? Because it sounded like he was. I clenched my fist.

“No, problem, man. Grab a soda or snack or whatever. I left stuff out. I mean, you don’t have to eat, but if you’re hungry…” I bit my lip and cursed. “Never mind. Just…” I waved into the air.

Maybe the big dude would kill me early. One could only hope.

Laughter erupted from the living room the minute Sam stepped in. How was I supposed to facilitate a group about grief when every single member hated me or wanted to stab me with the closest pointy object?

I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall.

“Hey,” a familiar voice said from the door.

I opened my eyes. “Lyss. I mean, Alyssa. You came.” I hated that I was flashing the most ridiculous grin known to mankind.

She shrugged. “Parents made me.”

Of course. It had nothing to do with me. I mustered up the last ounce of confidence I had and nodded my head. “Well, I’m glad they did.”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Anyway, I’m just waiting for one more. Go ahead and make yourself at home.”

Alyssa walked by me so fast I nearly got windburn. Great.

Would I get no admirers? If this was some sort of trick in order to humble me, Mrs. Murray had another thing coming.

I was already pathetically humble.

Too humble, if you asked me. Loss had a way of doing that to you. It stripped every ounce of confidence you ever had, not only in yourself, but in the people around you.

I waited for five more minutes. Mrs. Murray called earlier that day to say we had another member. Apparently, he was a last minute addition. That was all the information she gave me. And now he was late.

The laughter grew louder from the living room. I was being a chicken. I wanted to stroll out my front door and walk headfirst into the ocean.

Playing at the Grammy’s had been easier than this.

I gave myself a pep talk and walked into the living room.

Directly into silence.

I cleared my throat and sat on the recliner, the only available seat, and nodded toward the coffee table. “As you can see, we have some name tags here, so everyone can get to know your name.”

Everyone grumbled in unison as I threw out markers for them to grab and use to write their names.

I was winning nobody over, that much was clear.

Well, hopefully I wouldn’t get in trouble. I was about to break a lot of rules. I wrote my name down and began talking.

“So, I’m your group facilitator…” Several eyes darted away from me. Eyes that held pain, doubt, insecurity, fear. God, how I knew what it was like.

Here went nothing. “I used drugs and alcohol to numb my loss and nearly killed myself, not to mention several others, in the process. I’m an ass. I’m a man-whore user, who, up until last year, slept with anything that looked at me. I used hard earned money to buy drugs and thought nothing of getting others hooked right along with me. Until I met someone… and everything changed. I would like to say it’s because of me that I changed. But clearly, I’m an idiot and an ass, and it took way more than just my own diminishing conscience to get clean. But in all of my bad choices I learned something valuable.” I cleared my throat; you could hear a pin drop in the room. Sweat pooled in my hands. “I learned that sometimes it’s okay to let others help you. Sometimes it’s not going to be you who takes that first step. It’s going to be the person who isn’t too scared to push you. The person who doesn’t care that they may lose you as a friend. I know that by myself I can never be strong enough to break free from the cycle I put myself in. And I’m okay with leaning on others. By the way, I’m Demetri, your group leader.”

The big dude, who earlier looked like he wanted to kill me, got up from his seat. Crap, this was where he was going to walk out.

I watched him tentatively as he made his way over to my chair and stuck out his hand. “I’m Aaron, and it’s great to meet you, Demetri.”

I felt my eyes widen just slightly. I grasped his hand and shook it firmly. “Nice to meet you, Aaron.”

“Holly.” The girl who had arrived with the bigger guy smiled warmly and held out her hand.

“You know who I am.” Sam waved from across the coffee table. His eyes flickered downward and then back up at me before giving a nod. The type of nod guys give other guys when you finally decide they’re cool enough to possibly hang out. At least he didn’t want to run me over with his car anymore.

All heads turned toward Alyssa. I knew it was a small town.

No doubt everyone in this room was aware that I had been pursuing the girl like some lovesick high schooler who’d never kissed a girl before.

I waited for her to say something. She wrote her name down on the piece of paper and smiled at everyone but me. In fact, her eyes quickly darted past me as she greeted the group. “I’m Alyssa.”

“I know you from school,” Holly said. “I mean, you were in a class below me, but it’s good to see you.”

Alyssa blushed and nodded.

Aaron pulled Holly tighter against him and kissed her forehead.

“Now that that’s out of the way…” I leaned forward. “I think it would be good for all of us to state why we’re in grief group. I’m not going to spout any crap about the circle of trust or anything, but you’re all aware you’ve had to sign gag orders, so everything that’s said inside this house, stays here. Are we clear?”