Priceless (Forbidden Men #8)(41)

“And don’t tattle my entire life to my brother, either.”

I sighed and eased the door shut behind me. Saying nothing, I approached her before sitting next to her until we were side by side, both staring at her closed door.

“I didn’t tattle,” I finally answered, feeling calm enough to be rational. “I simply tried to smooth the waters because you know he would’ve burst in here and demanded answers. But he’s not here, now is he?”

Sarah’s chin quivered as she watched the door, but her brother never breached the entrance. Finally, she blew out a breath and quietly said, “I’m sorry I’m pushing my pissy mood off on you. You don’t deserve it.”

I shrugged. “No reason to apologize. If you’re pissed, you should be allowed some pissiness.”

Sniffing, she wiped at her nose. “Not at you, not when you dropped everything to come help me.”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for.” Scrubbing my hands through my hair, I wished I knew how to pry the answers I wanted from her. But Sarah was a stubborn case. The more I prodded, the more she clamped shut.

I’d have to wait until she was ready to talk. So I just sat there, waiting.

And going f*cking insane.

About a minute later, she wiped at her cheek and said, “I know it’s selfish to want things, but...I just wanted to know what it’d feel like to date. To kiss. To...to f*ck.”

“To what?” I totally wasn’t expecting her to say that.

She looked at me, no apology or shame or even embarrassment in her eyes. “I’m sorry, but I’m curious, okay. Everyone else goes on dates, and kisses, and...and has sex. Why can’t I? I don’t want to die a moldy, old, crusted-over virgin.”

“Oh, whatever. You’re only twenty-two. That’s not exactly—”

“The way my life’s gone so far,” she went on talking over me, “no sex, ever, seems to be how it’s going to continue. I would give anything to know what an orgasm felt like that didn’t come from my own fingers.”

That’s when my mind blanked out. Call me a guy, whatever, but thinking of Sarah having an orgasm against her own fingers did it for me.

Unable to hear anything she said after that, my mind went on a mini porn party. All I could picture were her lips parted, head tilted back on a pillow, exposing her throat as her chest arched into the air while her own hand slid sinfully slow between her legs.

Damn.

I was as hard as a rock. The idea of Sarah masturbating...

Yeah. Just...damn.

I’d never thought of her that way before. I mean, okay, I’d thought of her that way, sure. I was male, she was female, I’d had plenty of sex fantasies about her over the years. But I’d never guessed she thought that way too. She never told dirty jokes, made sexual references, checked out other dudes. I assumed she was completely oblivious to what two people could do when they were naked and alone together.

Learning she did think that way and even masturbated kind of hurt. I mean, if she’d finally grown interested in sex, why couldn’t she have been interested in sex with me?

And f*ck, why did my brain keep going there? There were other reasons I’d always stayed away in that regard. I was too f*cked up to be anything else for her but a friend.

I tended to be a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy. One and done. Wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

When I thought about it, I realized I was basically a douche when it came to sex, so I usually shied away from thinking about it because I wasn’t exactly proud to be a douche. That was just how it turned out.

I didn’t date, reason number one why it had felt so uncomfortable to take Julianna out. I didn’t enter relationships. I hooked up with women who were also only interested in nothing but the nookie with me, and I didn’t stay friends with any of my past partners. I had Sarah for anything that wasn’t sexual, so I had no use for anything else but a good time from others.

That was why I was going to stay far away from all of Sarah’s sex parts. She deserved the best, and I had no f*cking clue how to be any kind of boyfriend.

But thinking of her dating someone else, knowing he would get to know what it felt like to be inside her and give her that orgasm she so earnestly craved, didn’t exactly fill me with the warm fuzzies. Honestly, it scared the shit out of me.

Sarah wouldn’t be with a guy until she felt comfortable with him, which meant she’d have to get close to him and like him. I didn’t want her getting closer to some other * than she was to me. I didn’t want some strange f*cker taking my spot in her bed.

She was mine.

Except I couldn’t claim her for myself, which was a dilemma that I could never tell her about because she’d probably punch me in the nads for even thinking what I was thinking. But I still couldn’t help it. And I still didn’t want her dating. All the while, I had to suck it up and be a supportive friend and maybe even help her out somehow, though f*ck, I couldn’t breathe so well.

I had a dooming premonition I was going to lose her because of her sudden desire to experience a sex life.

I suddenly hated sex.

Shit. No, I didn’t.

“Brandt?”

“Hmm?” I jerked my gaze up to find Sarah frowning in concern.

Her brow knit as she said, “You phased out on me.”