Previously Loved Treasures (Serendipity #2)(48)
“That might be,” Caroline answered. “But Max is family, and I can’t ask him to leave.”
In time the nervous, buckled-down conversation that took place when Max was seated at the table eased back to what it had been. Not all the way back to the frivolity of the chicken and dumplings night but back to a warm chatter that passed from one to another like a dish of butter or a bowl of peas. When the words were passed to Max he quickly moved them along, cautious of giving voice to any thought or intention they could use against him.
Hope and Fear
In the days that followed, Caroline and Rose settled into a relationship so comfortable one would pass the salt shaker before the other thought to ask. They worked side by side in the kitchen and shared the cooking duties with neither doing more than the other. Before two weeks had gone by, hearty beef stews and apple pies flavored with cinnamon began appearing on the dinner table. Biscuits, light and fluffy as a cloud, came piled high in serving baskets and were eaten down to the very last crumb.
While in the other rooms of the house Rose quietly observed life, inside the kitchen she came alive. In the kitchen there were no barriers, no subject untouchable. Caroline knew the secret of Rose’s identity, and she held tight to it. As far as the world was concerned, no one in Rose Hill had ever seen or heard of a Rowena Mallory.
They seldom spoke of it but on the few occasions when they traded whispers Caroline would assure her, “There’s no need to be afraid. You’ve got a new name and a new look. He’ll never in a million years find you.”
But having Joe find her was not the only fear Rose had. There was a dark corner of her heart where she hid a twisted thread of hope that he would come in search of her, and this time he would be a changed man, the man he once was. Whenever Caroline spoke of the past being forever gone, it caught hold of that thread and caused a strange weight of weariness to fall over Rose’s shoulders. Times like that she would turn to remembering something pleasant. Frequently it was a story of the early days when they first dated and fell in love. Despite the purple bruise that had now turned to a greyish yellow color, she remembered only the good times, the days when he held her gently and pressed his lips to hers. In the midst of just such a reminiscence Rose said, “I know I’m doing what I have to do, but the truth is I miss Joe.”
“Miss him?” Caroline asked. “How can you miss a man who would—”
“Joe’s not really like that,” Rose answered. “It’s only because he’s had a lot of tough breaks. He lost his job. He wasn’t ready for a baby—”
Caroline cut in with words that were crusty and sharp-edged. “He is like that. You don’t make excuses for someone like him!”
“I know what he did was wrong, but maybe if his life wasn’t so hard—”
“So life is hard,” Caroline said. “That’s not your fault. He has no right to…” Her lower lip began to tremble. The memories were back, memories she believed long gone. “For Joe to do what he did was wrong. How can you forgive him for such a horrible thing? Don’t you know that Sara watching her daddy hit you will stay with her forever? Do you want her to grow up like me? Fearful, afraid of everything?”
A flood of memories washed over Caroline, and she dropped into the chair. “I’m sorry if I sound harsh. But I know what that life is like. I had a daddy who was the same as Joe. He beat up on Mama until he got tired of doing it; then he walked off and left her. Left both of us. We had a miserable life with him, and once he was gone Mama kept right on being miserable.”
“I didn’t know,” Rose stammered.
“It’s not something I like to talk about,” Caroline replied. “It’s the sort of shame people sweep under the bed and hope nobody will notice.”
For several minutes neither of them spoke; then Caroline gave a sorrowful sigh. “The funny thing is Mama’s heart was so full of missing Daddy there wasn’t room for anyone else. We were flat-outt miserable in that New Orleans apartment, but Mama wouldn’t move because she kept believing Daddy would change his ways and come back home.”
“But Joe never left,” Rose argued. “I was the one—”
“Whether you leave or he leaves makes no difference,” Caroline snapped. “Joe is just like my daddy. Don’t think he’ll change, because he won’t!”
For a moment Rose stood there looking crushed. “But don’t you think it’s possible a man can change?”
With her mouth in a narrow hard-set line, Caroline gave her head a saddened shake. “Is that what you really think?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question. It was pointed and sharp; it demanded an answer.
The thought came at Rose like a razor blade slicing away whatever possibilities she’d hidden in the closet of her mind. She closed her eyes and saw the twin images of hope and fear. They stood side by side waiting for her answer. Choose me, they both said. Seeing them together, so alike and yet so different, she could at last see the truth.
Rose knew she had to choose neither, for to choose one meant she got both. If she chose fear, she would stay hidden and forever live with the hope he would one day come to her as a changed man. If she chose hope, she could return to him, give him yet another chance, and forever live with the fear of what might eventually happen.