Preston's Honor(42)

“So getting her pregnant at nineteen so she can be trapped here forever in this two-bit town working days at IHOP and spending her nights caring for a squalling kid who’ll repeat the process all over again was your plan?”

He jumped down the steps to stand right in front of me and it shocked me. I’d never seen Cole so enraged over . . . anything. “Oh wait, wait, maybe it’s your plan to marry her so she can live here on this dusty, godforsaken farm serving your needs for the rest of her life. It worked out real well for Mom and Dad. I actually can’t decide which option sounds better. Lia must be thrilled with all the choices suddenly opening up to her.”

I felt sick and confused by the things he was yelling at me. “It’s not like that,” I gritted out. But maybe he was right. Maybe giving in to my lust for Lia had been the most selfish thing I possibly could have done to her. He was right—she’d always wanted to leave this town. And strapping her with a baby would be a sure guarantee that I’d squashed that dream. My guts twisted with remorse at the sudden vision of Lia and her dream-filled eyes.

Oh God, please don’t let her be pregnant.

Please, please don’t let her be pregnant.

Cole’s fist slammed into my face. I let out a loud grunt at the shock of it, rage exploding in my blood at the sucker punch. I reeled back a few steps but caught myself, massaging my jaw and then working it to make sure there was no real damage. “I’ll give you that one, Cole, because I wasn’t honest with you. I broke our oath. I broke my word,” I said, my voice filled with the anger I felt, “but hit me again, and I’ll hit you back.”

“Fuck you, brother,” he spat out before his fist connected with my jaw again. I reeled back and then I threw my own punch, connecting with his cheekbone. He grunted and threw himself at me, and we scrabbled on the ground for a few minutes, sweating and yelling, fighting for dominance the way we’d done when we were boys.

I felt hands on my arms and someone was pulling me backward and when things cleared around me, I saw someone pulling Cole away, too. We simultaneously shook the hands off us, facing each other from a few feet away in a standoff. The men who’d separated us were two of the farmhands we’d been able to keep on the payroll and they were saying words about calming down and no way to solve problems. I tuned them out, not knowing if Cole was going to come at me again and preparing for it if he did. His right eye was red and already swollen shut and there was some blood dripping from his lip. I felt the sick punch of shame to my gut as if it was a second attacker. I wanted to start this whole conversation over, to do it better, to make him understand what I felt in my heart, but I’d fucked it up and now it was too late. We were staring at each other as the adversaries I never wanted to be.

I let out a harsh breath, stepping back as I nodded to the men. “We’re okay.” They glanced at both of us and nodded, turning away and walking back toward the fields where they’d been working the bone-dry, ravaged earth.

Running a hand through my damp hair, I took a second to calm my still-ragged breathing. “Jesus, Cole. I love Lia. You’ve got this all wrong. I loved her that day we ran the race for her. It wasn’t just because I thought she was pretty, or because I was sort of interested. It was never as casual as that. I’ve always loved her—as long as I can remember. I’m sorry I never told you.”

Cole stared at me from his one-sided gaze. “The day we ran the race?”

“Yes. I shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t just a contest to me. I loved her and I gave her up for the honor between us, the honor I tried so hard to hold on to despite my feelings. It’s tortured me for years, Cole. Please try to understand.”

He shook his head slightly as if he wasn’t computing what I was saying. He stared at me again for one silent moment, a myriad of emotions moving over his face, too quickly for me to discern. He took his head in his hands as if it hurt before he whirled around, striding away.

I suddenly felt as stripped as the land, standing alone under the blazing sun, as the sound of that damn rusted motorcycle sputtered to a start.

I caught sight of Cole as he rode out of our yard, his head turned strangely and I realized it was because he could only see out of one eye. “Fucking idiot,” I mumbled, feeling a stab of anxiety in my chest. It rumbled loudly down the dirt road in front of our house, dust flying up in its wake, until I couldn’t hear it anymore.

It was the last time I saw my brother alive.





CHAPTER TWELVE


Present Day

Annalia



It still seemed surreal that I was really back in Linmoor, that I’d gone to Benny’s diner the night before and had seen Preston for the first time in six months. It seemed surreal that I’d ever left. As if the last year and nine months had never even happened. As if I’d woken the morning after Preston made love to me, gone to work, and Preston had been waiting there afterward as we’d planned and we’d walked off hand in hand to begin our forever.

Oh God, if only. If only . . .

But it hadn’t happened that way. I’d waited for him on the bench outside IHOP, the time going slowly by, the dusk sweeping in and scattering a handful of stars into the sky, my heart thumping with worry and insecurity and fear.

And then . . . oh, then the sinking horror. The news that a man had been killed on the highway not too far from where I was. And the ambulances that had screamed in the distance earlier suddenly made sense.