Preston's Honor(34)

Yes, I loved two brothers—identical twins—but it was only one soul that spoke to mine. One soul I’d always belonged to.

I glanced at Preston again but didn’t allow my eyes to linger. I wanted to think and each time I looked at him, all my thoughts became jumbled and discombobulated.

The noise rose and fell around me, lulling me into a kind of trance where I could escape into my own head.

If I did make it clear to Cole that I only wanted to be a friend, would there be a chance between Preston and me? My heart raced with the possibility. For a moment, in this very barn, our hands had touched, and I’d thought maybe the attraction between us—that zing of electricity—might be mutual. And thinking back now, with the eyes of a woman, I wondered if maybe it had been there all along, especially that night in the Laundromat when we’d danced and he’d pulled me close. I’d been so uncertain, just a girl, and a girl who was so deeply in love that nothing seemed clear except the steady thumping of my own yearning heart.

Perhaps he’d given his blessing for his brother to pursue me once, but things changed, people changed, hearts opened. Even now, I was sitting across the room with Cole. But what if I got up and went over to Preston? What if I found the courage to help him see me in a different light than he had in the past . . . what if I made it clear that I wished he would? My heart began pounding more quickly in my chest.

The people around me suddenly exploded in laughter and I jumped slightly, coming back to myself and realizing Cole had said something apparently hilarious. I forced myself to pretend I’d heard, laughing along with everyone else.

When I looked back at Preston, he was talking to a redhead who had parked herself right next to him on the bench. He had a smile on his face and she was leaned in, talking closely, presumably to be heard over the noise. Jealousy made my tummy tighten, and I looked away again. I didn’t want to be here now. I had been right to think this might be a mistake. I could pine for Preston as I always had—it was a miserable familiarity—but I couldn’t sit here and watch him with other women, even if they were only talking. I hated it. I focused back in on the conversation around me and managed to listen for a few minutes before tuning out again.

When I looked back toward Preston again, it was just in time to see the redhead scoot even closer, put her hand on his thigh, and lean her head in to kiss him. Sick panic rose in my throat and ice filled my veins. Oh God, I couldn’t sit here and watch Preston kiss her. I willed him with all my heart to pull away, but he didn’t. He tilted his mouth over hers as their kiss went deeper.

For several horrifying seconds, I stared as they made out across the room before I stood, jostling Cole, and causing him to look up at me in confusion.

“Sorry,” I murmured. “I have to use the bathroom.”

“The house is open,” Cole said. “First door on the right. Do you want me to walk you over?”

I shook my head. “No, no, thank you.”

Cole looked at me for another beat before nodding, and I walked as quickly as I could to the door, making it a point not to look toward Preston as I left.

Once I was outside, I sucked in a big breath of the dry night air, holding back the sob that wanted to escape my throat. I didn’t want to go in their house. The barn was one thing, but the house was where their mother lived, and she had made it clear I wasn’t welcome. I didn’t want to go in, even to use the bathroom while she was out of town, just on principle alone.

The thought of their mother and how much she disliked me, along with the desperate clawing jealousy of just having watched Preston kiss someone, rose up inside me so strongly I could no longer choke it back. A sob escaped and I picked up my pace, running toward the road. I just wanted to get out of here. My stomach was twisted in a tight knot of pain. Oh God, I was an idiot. I’d just been sitting across the room, questioning whether Preston might have feelings for me. Trying to work up the courage to let him know about mine. I was going to be sick.

“Lia!”

I stumbled, glancing behind me to see Preston emerging from the barn. Oh no. Tears were sliding down my cheeks, and I felt desperate to get away from him, from the agony I’d just experienced. I picked up my pace, running aimlessly now, just needing to get away, away, away.

“Lia, Jesus! Stop.”

I was sputtering and choking now, horrified by my own reaction. Preston couldn’t see me like this.

“Go away, Preston,” I begged. But the pounding of his feet behind me didn’t cease, and just a few seconds later he slammed into my body, causing me to yell out in shocked alarm at the impact. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, halting my forward movement completely, and although I fought him, crying harder in his arms, I was no match for his strength. We’d been here before—just like this—that night in the Laundromat when he’d held me from behind as I cried. Was I doomed to repeat every painful, embarrassing experience in my life? Especially every moment with him?

He murmured my name over and over, his breath hot against my ear, and I finally went limp, my soft cries disappearing into the night around us. “Shh, Lia, what’s wrong? What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you? Was it Cole?”

I turned my head away, filled with self-hatred, because I was the one who’d hurt myself—by coming here tonight, by watching as Preston put his lips on someone else, by never quite figuring out how to let go of my love for him.