Poison's Kiss (Poison's Kiss #1)(40)

His gaze is still razor sharp and so I keep talking. “You and Deven sometimes disappear—I knew you had to go somewhere. You’re not as careful as you think. But I would never hurt you or him—no matter what you may have heard. Japa”—my voice breaks—“they’ll kill us if we go back.”

Mani begins sobbing and buries his face in my arm. Japa’s eyes flick between the two of us, a tangle of emotions playing out on his face. Finally he presses his lips together and gives me a small nod.

“Follow me,” he says.

He leads us to the bookcase at the back of the shop and then pauses to examine the shiny fingerprints on the side of the wood. He grumbles as he wipes them away. Then he pushes the bookcase aside to reveal a set of narrow stairs, which we follow down into a spacious underground room.

Shelves line one wall, and a desk piled with messy stacks of papers sits in the corner. Boxes of books fill half the room, and a map of Sundari is tacked to the wall.

“Mani can sleep here for a few days,” Japa says. “But then we’ll have to figure out something else.” Mani’s sobs have turned to wails now and my sleeve is damp with his tears.

“Please don’t leave me,” he sobs. “Please.”

Japa pats Mani on the back. “Marinda isn’t going anywhere,” he says. My head snaps up, but Japa is focused only on Mani.

Mani sniffles. “She can stay?”

Japa meets my gaze. “For tonight,” he says, then turns back to Mani. “But first I need you to rest while I talk to your sister. Okay?”

Mani nods. “Okay.”

Japa rifles through a cabinet and produces several blankets and a pillow. He busies himself making a bed on a wooden pallet in the corner of the room. Mani has stopped crying, but he is still struggling to pull in enough air. I rub circles on his back and remind him to breathe. Japa stands up and watches the two of us without speaking. Gradually Mani’s breath comes with less work. “You get some rest,” I tell him, turning his shoulders toward the pallet. “I’ll be right upstairs if you need me.”

He crawls onto the makeshift bed and wraps himself in a blanket. Japa and I climb the stairs, and before I can even pull the door closed, Mani’s breathing is beginning to deepen. Japa motions for me to follow him to the back of the bookshop. He leads me to a small table with two chairs. I sit down and put my head in my hands.

“Thank you,” I say without looking up.

Japa slides a chair out and sits heavily. “Start talking,” he says.

I’m exhausted. I can feel it deep in my bones—a weariness so complete it feels like resignation. I’m tired of worrying and sneaking and keeping secrets.

I sigh. “I’m an assassin.” I expect Japa to look shocked or angry, so I’m taken off guard by the sadness in his eyes.

“For how long?”

My throat feels like it’s closing up. “Since I was a little girl.”

Japa sucks in a sharp breath. “But that can’t be,” he says. The expression on his face is shocked, but the hard angles have softened and he looks more like himself. It gives me courage to keep speaking.

“It’s not a life I ever wanted,” I tell him. “I never really had a choice.”

Japa’s eyes are wet. He rests a hand on my forearm. “Marinda, we always have a choice.”

I shake my head because he doesn’t understand. “When I was five, the Raja gave me the option: become his assassin or leave Sundari forever. Where would I have gone at five? It wasn’t much of a choice.”

“The Raja?” Deep lines have carved themselves into Japa’s forehead. “At five?”

“Yes,” I say. “I had to be loyal to the kingdom or leave.”

Japa presses his lips together and stares off into the distance. “You had orders to kill Deven?”

“Yes,” I say.

“And so you meant to accomplish that by poisoning him?”

“No,” I say. “Of course not.”

Japa’s face is twisted in confusion. “Deven said you’d been slipping him doses of poison.”

Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. “I was trying to make him immune,” I say softly.

“Immune from what?”

“From me. From others like me.”

Japa raises his eyebrows in a question. I press the heels of my hands to my eyes. I don’t want to say it out loud, but there’s no other way to make him understand.

“My kiss is deadly,” I say. “I was supposed to kiss Deven, but I couldn’t do it. He was too good and too kind. But if I didn’t, I knew that my handler would send another girl, so I had to make him immune to protect him.”

“A visha kanya?” Japa breathes.

My pulse quickens. “You’ve heard of us?”

“Only in legends,” he says. “It’s not possible. And the Raja would never…” He shakes his head. “It’s just not possible.”

“I wish that were true.” We sit quietly for a moment, each absorbed in our own thoughts. And then I say, “Deven says Mani has vish bimari. Have you ever heard of that?”

Japa nods. “It’s clear that he does—the trouble breathing, the lack of energy, the way his eyes are always dilated. That’s why I told you to come to me if you needed help. I thought someone was hurting the two of you. I never suspected…” He trails off, but I can guess the rest of the thought. He never suspected it was me hurting Mani.