Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(9)

He smiled and then his mucky paws were all over her.

Mum pouted at me and Abby, more effectively than Cole.

“Come on, you two, I’m not getting any younger.”

I wrapped my arm around my wife. “We’re happy with the way things are for now,” I said, not wanting to put Abby in an awkward position if I said I wanted tons of them but she was more focused on her career.

She smiled up at me, and I felt like she’d jammed a knife into my heart. She believed what I said, even though we’d had a few conversations where I said I was ready, and so did she. What the fuck was wrong with women? How could you go from being ready one month to suddenly wanting to focus on other things the next? The last time she said she was excited to have a baby of our own was less than six weeks ago. What had changed so drastically in six weeks?

“We’ll give you another grandchild one day, Sarah, but we’re just enjoying being together right now.”

Just enjoying being together? When the hell were we ‘just together’? If we hadn’t committed to Miles’ birthday she would probably be out with her colleagues, and I would be at home. We hadn’t enjoyed ‘just being together’ in months.

I wanted to tell her she was being unfair, but I didn’t want to get in the way of what she wanted. If she wanted to wait another five years for kids while she concentrated on teaching that was fine, but she shouldn’t have told me otherwise.

My smile – which probably looked like a pissed off grimace – fooled everyone except my nosey sister.

“Uncle Jasper,” Everleigh screamed, and I wanted to thank her for interrupting right when I could sense Oakley asking for my help with something in the kitchen. “Come and help me and Leona make daisy chains! You said you would!”

I held my hands up. “Alright, diva, I’m coming.” How the fuck do you make daisy chains? I filled the cooler with beer and we headed back outside. “You have far too much attitude for a three-year-old.”

“I’m almost four,” she replied as if that made all the difference. Everleigh growing up sucked. I had no idea what I would do on my days off when she was at school. Me and Oakley rotated our shifts at The Centre, the place Oakley opened after the trial was done so we could look after Everleigh. I loved spending time with her, so it was going to suck when I couldn’t do that as much.

After handing Miles the refilled cooler, I let Everleigh lead me to the corner of Cole and Oakley’s perfectly cut lawn where Cole’s niece, Leona and Holly were sitting cross-legged on the grass. I frowned.

“They’ve not left you to be babysitter?”

She smiled up at me. “No, it’s okay. I like hanging with them.”

“You can join the adults when you want.”

“Really, it’s fine. I love spending time with kids.”

I sat down and prepared to bullshit my way through making a necklace out of flowers.

“You know how to do this?” I asked.

“Daisy chains? Everyone knows how to make daisy chains,” she replied, brushing her light blonde hair out of her face.

“Uncle Jasper don’t,” Everleigh said and sighed.

“Wow, really?”

“I’m a man.”

Everleigh giggled. “Remember when you wore Mummy’s dress? You looked like a girl.”

“Yes, thank you, Everleigh.” I winced as I watched Holly try not to laugh.

“Hey, I’m comfortable with my masculinity, that’s how I’m able to put on a dress and not have it shrink the boys,” I replied, giving myself a mental high five at changing my balls to the boys before I’d started saying it.

“Of course,” Holly said wryly. “Perhaps the stories I’ve heard about you were less about a broken heart and more about hiding in a closet.”

My mouth dropped open. Sweet, shy, innocent little Holly made a joke like that – and a good one. If it wasn’t aimed at me, I would have laughed.

“There’s nothing PG I can think of to reply so just imagine my response.”

She laughed and shook her head as Leona tried to figure out what we were talking about. She was at that age where she was starting to understand what we didn’t say.

“Will do. Ready to make a daisy chain, girls?”

Leona and Everleigh nodded. I was sure Leona knew already, but she looked up at Holly like she wanted to be her.

“Okay, take your daisy and with your nail make a small slit in the stem. Everleigh, do you want me to help you?”

I looked on at them, picking grass because I would rather boil my own head than make a daisy chain. Holly was great with kids; she would be an awesome mum one day.

“How come you’re so good with children?” I asked. “You don’t have younger brothers or sisters, right?”

“No, but I have a lot of younger cousins.”

“You want kids when you’re older?”

She beamed and looked prettier, even with the overly dark eye make-up.

“Definitely.”

Why couldn’t Abby be that sure? She had already taken back saying she wanted them now, and had postponed our family. What the hell was I going to do if she decided in a couple years that she wanted to wait another couple of years?

“You do too,” she said overly confidently. Did it show that much? I didn’t really care, having children was so important to me now. A few years ago I would have laughed if someone told me I would end up desperate to be a dad.