Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages (Silence #3)(50)

A baby.

A baby with a woman I’d shagged a few times. It didn’t look good. When I had a child, I wanted to be with its mum, living together and fully prepared – or as prepared as you could be.

I stopped in the living room and turned to her. My heart was in my mouth.

“So,” I said and realised I didn’t know what to say. “You’re…” I nodded to her stomach.

She smiled. “Yeah, I’m pregnant.”

“Shit.”

“That’s what I thought when I found out. I had a scan to check when it... happened.” She bit her lip. “I kind of lied to the doctor and told her I wasn’t sure of my last proper period so she’d book me for an early scan.”

Just like Abby.

“I… You’re pregnant with my baby?”

“Yes.”

If she’d told me she used to be a man, I would’ve been less shocked than this. Fear gripped my throat as she confirmed it. I was going to be a dad.

I ran my hands over my hair. “Shit!” I wanted to believe her so badly, but I’d had this ripped away from me before. I couldn’t get excited about having a child if there was a chance I wasn’t. “Are you’re sure?” I asked.

She reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope. “I have my notes and a scan if you’d like to see?”

I held my hand out. My pulse thudded in my ears. The picture was of a little bean thing, just like Abby’s. But this one had the outline of a forming head – a big looking head, and what something that resembled a fish tail. It was a different angle though, so I wasn’t sure whose bean was older.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, staring at it in awe.

“I know.” Holly was looking at me anxiously.

“Yeah. She’s the most beautiful weird looking little thing I’ve ever seen.”

She laughed quietly, clearly relieved I wasn’t angry. “I keep thinking it’s a girl too.”

“I bet we’ll both be wrong.”

“I don’t care really,” she said.

“Neither do I.” I shook my head and reluctantly held the photo out to her. “I can’t believe this. It’s really mine?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “You can keep that picture. I’ve got a copy too.”

I smiled and gripped the photo hard. My baby.

“Thank you.”

“I thought you’d freak out,” she said.

“Honestly, me too. I feel like I should, but I know I’d regret it. We did this together, why should I get to go out and wasted when you can't? Plus I think I’m in shock.”

She laughed.

I blew out a deep breath. “Okay, so what happens now?”

Jesus, I was in a rented flat and wasn’t even dating Holly. As happy as I was to be a dad, this wasn’t how I imagined it would be. It didn’t feel real at all.

“I’ve not thought that far ahead yet.” She sighed and sat down on the sofa. “This isn’t supposed to happen for a good five years at least. Thankfully I’ve finished year three at uni though; that would’ve been difficult if it was midyear. I can defer and go back once the baby’s here. Mum and Dad are being supportive. Dad even said he’d clear the junk room out for the nursery.”

Right, because we didn’t live together. My child was going to be somewhere else.

I frowned. “As soon as my old house is sold, I’ll buy a new place. You’ll let the baby stay over with me too, right?

“We’ve got plenty of time to figure all that out. This is all so sudden and unexpected; I’ve not really had time to think through all the details,” she said.

“Like how you’re going to finish uni? I know you said you’d defer, but when you go back we’ll have a baby. Where would you live then? You’re forty-five minutes away. God, Holly, you’re not taking the baby there, are you?”

She held her hands up.

“Stop, please. I’m getting a headache. Uni is the last thing on my mind right now; I’ve recently found out I’m having a baby! Whatever happens, I’ll never move away and take the baby with me. You’re half responsible for this-” she pointed to her stomach “-so you can bet your arse you’re going to be close by to help take care of it!” She sounded nervous. I couldn’t blame her. I felt like I was in a dream.

My shoulders relaxed in relief. “Okay. Good. I can’t believe we’re having a baby.”

“Me neither.”

“I thought you were on the pill?”

“Hey,” she snapped. “You didn’t wear a condom so don’t-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I wasn’t blaming you. I just thought you were. And I always wrap up, it’s just with us…” I was too into you to think straight.

She nodded. “I was, and I still was up until the day before I took the test. My doctor said the antibiotics they prescribed for an ear infection I had could have interfered with the pill.” She bit her lip. “I didn’t even think about it.”

I wrapped my arms around the now most important person in my life and pressed my forehead against hers.

“It’s okay. Happens, right? We’re just lucky it’s with someone that isn’t freaking out about it.”