Perfect Little World(60)

“I know how it is,” Mr. Tannehill said.

“You must think this is so strange,” Izzy admitted.

“I do,” Mr. Tannehill replied, smiling, “but the best kind of strange. You’re a different person, Izzy. You look good; your boys are sweet boys. If it takes this Infinite Family place to take care of you, then I think it’s great.”

“You’re still the best person I’ve ever met,” Izzy said.

“I’m not,” Mr. Tannehill said, his face blushing. “I used to be a pretty damned awful person. I drank too much and ran off my family. But you helped me realize that I could still be a decent person and so I try to be when I can. Ask anybody at the restaurant, though. They’ll tell you I can be a real sonofabitch.”

“Bitch,” Cap said, and then he and Maxwell repeated it, “bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.”

“See now?” Mr. Tannehill said, but Izzy leaned over and hugged him.

“Good to see y’all,” he said, “real good.”


On the way out of town, Izzy passed by her father’s market, the cinder-block building so squat and ugly, and so familiar. She remembered her father letting her take a package of candy cigarettes, all the soda she could drink. She remembered sleeping under the counter while her father worked. At the last possible second before she would cause a fairly substantial accident, she pulled into the parking lot at the corner of the building. From the car, she could see into the market, the counter in the middle of the building, and there was her father, wearing a flannel shirt that she recognized as his uniform. He was resting his head on his fist, reading a magazine. She knew that the right thing would be to step out of the car and introduce Cap to his grandfather. But what would she do with Maxwell? What would she say to her own father? She felt the uncertain terror that her proximity to her father could pull her back into her old life, totally alone, with no hope of something better.

And yet, there was her father, now making change for a group of teenagers, as close to her as he had been in two years. She could simply run into the market, give him a hug, and then drive home.

Maxwell started to whine, growing restless in the parked car, and Cap joined in, at a higher pitch, his annoyance even greater than his brother’s. Izzy felt something hazy grow in her brain; her tongue felt fat in her mouth. Suddenly, she felt so far away from her past life, as if it had all happened to someone else, as if she had arrived at the complex with Cap in her arms and no history to speak of.

But, strangely enough, she also felt disconnected from the Infinite Family. Here in her car, back in Coalfield, the complex felt like it was a million miles away and there was nothing that connected her to it. In this moment, who knew how long it would last, she was entirely free of her past, present, and future. It was just her, Izzy, in space, entirely at peace. And then she looked in the rearview mirror and saw Cap and Maxwell. She had the two of them, her two sons. She could go anywhere, do anything, and no one would ever know. No one would ever look for them, not her father, not Dr. Grind, no one.

She started the car, backed out of the parking lot, and got back on the highway. She was driving south, away from Coalfield, but also away from the complex. She would head south, as far down the coast as she could go, until she hit Key West. She would rent an apartment and get a job waitressing or tending a barbecue pit. She accelerated, the car now going eighty miles per hour in a fifty-five-mile zone. She was putting miles between her and the entirety of her life up to that point. The boys had fallen asleep in the back. Kenny and Carmen would not begrudge her having taken Maxwell with her. They still had eight other children to love. Dr. Grind would not begrudge her disappearance. He still had so many people to take care of. It would not matter. The project had to anticipate some measure of loss during the duration of the study. They would let her go.

She was breathing so rapidly, it felt like she was sprinting, as if she was moving the car forward by her own sheer force of will. Forty minutes later, she was in Georgia. No one had called her. No one knew where she was. She could not believe she was doing this. She reached across to her purse in the passenger seat and took out her wallet. She had eighty dollars. If she stopped at an ATM soon enough, she could probably take out a few hundred more without anyone knowing. She would be the best mother. She would love Maxwell and Cap as much as everyone else in the project combined. It could work, she kept reassuring herself. It would work.

And then Cap started to cry, fussing and fidgety in the car seat. He kept grunting, trying to get Izzy’s attention. “It’s okay, honey,” she said. “It’s okay.”

Then Maxwell awoke from his nap and began to fuss. “Izzy,” they both said. “Izzy!”

Izzy put her foot on the brake, slowed the car down, and pulled onto the shoulder of the road. A truck passed by, shaking the car. She took off her seat belt and turned toward the two boys. They held out their hands for her. She climbed into the backseat, barely enough space for her to fit between the two car seats. She unbuckled them, pulled them into her lap. She hugged them, whispering to them sounds that were not words, just musical notes to calm them. They held tightly to her.

She could not do it. If they had slept the entire way, maybe she could have managed it. The faster she ran from her past and present toward a new future, the present was always right there, always on top of her. There was no way she could separate the three of them from the larger family; the lack would be too intense. She did not know where she was, on a road in Georgia, her two boys in her arms. She slowly placed them back in their car seats. She climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car. Temporary insanity. That’s all it was. She would never mention it. No one would ever know.