Perfect Little World(23)
“It’s a him,” Izzy said. “I just found out today.”
“Congratulations,” Dr. Kwon replied. “Well, what things about yourself do you want to pass on to him?”
“I guess a love of literature and art,” Izzy said cautiously.
“Do you write or paint, Izzy?”
“Not really. I just appreciate it.”
“What else?”
“I don’t know, to be honest. I haven’t thought about this. I just want him to be kind. I want him to be kind to other people and I want him to be happy.”
“Okay, let me ask you in a different way. If someone asked you to brag about yourself, what would you offer them?”
“I would not offer anything. I wouldn’t brag.”
“Just suppose you had to.”
“I’m a hard worker.”
“Okay. That’s important.”
“Um.” Izzy could not believe that this was all, but it seemed like this was the sum total of what she had to offer.
Dr. Kwon offered her hand, palm out, as if to beg forgiveness. “We can move on, Izzy.”
“I can barbecue.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m really good at barbecue. Whole hog. I can prepare a pig and smoke it and serve it. It’s very good. I’m actually a fairly good cook across the board.”
“That’s wonderful. That’s what I’m looking for, Izzy. Great.”
“I can speed-read.”
“Excellent. That’s very useful, I would imagine. I wouldn’t mind having that skill.”
“I can whittle,” Izzy said.
“What does that mean?” Dr. Kwon asked, genuinely puzzled, it seemed.
Izzy reached into her messenger bag and produced the unfinished duck. She gently skidded it across the table to Dr. Kwon, who picked it up and inspected it.
“How did you make this?” she asked.
“I carved it with a knife.”
“This is impressive.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re more talented than you gave yourself credit for.”
“I guess so,” Izzy said, feeling slightly embarrassed that she was offering up these ridiculous talents as if they meant something. She felt like she was three years old, but she couldn’t stop herself.
“Can I keep this, Izzy?” Dr. Kwon asked, holding up the duck.
“It’s not finished,” Izzy said.
“I think it’s wonderful.”
“Well, yeah, you can have it.”
Dr. Kwon ran her thumb along the wooden animal and then placed the object in the pocket of her business suit.
“I know you’ve been reading about child development in preparation for the birth of your child, especially about attachment parenting, and I’m wondering if you have any fears or concerns about what you’ve been reading.”
“I’m terrified of just about all of it, really,” Izzy replied. The fact of the matter was that Izzy was already at a disadvantage, no husband to help shoulder the load, and she knew this. She knew what the books said about how important the early stages of childhood were and she knew that she was all alone in making this happen for her child.
“Why are you terrified about it?” Dr. Kwon asked.
“I have to work, have a job, in order to raise this baby,” Izzy continued. “I don’t have anyone else to help me. I can’t be there for the baby in the way that I think I should be. I’m going to always be deficient when it comes to caring for him. It makes me nervous.”
“This is an entirely personal view, Izzy, and it’s probably not professional behavior for me to interject those feelings into this conversation, but I’m going to do it anyway. You are going to be a wonderful mother, Izzy. I’ve got so much information and data here that I’ve studied and you are thoughtful and kind and you will do fine, no matter what happens.”
Izzy just nodded, grateful for those words, knowing, however, that they meant nothing once the baby arrived and Izzy was forced to care for him.
“Okay, I just have a few more questions, Izzy. If you and your child were chosen for the project, would you be willing to move? The project will be located in La Vergne, which is just outside Nashville, so could you foresee yourself moving in order to participate?”
“I guess I could do that. I’d at least be willing to consider it.”
“Great. And your father? How problematic would it be to see less of him?”
“I see him every day. I live with him.”
“If the project required you to move, would you be able to handle not seeing him every day?”
“We live together, but he’s not an active part of my life, unfortunately. He helps me with money sometimes and gives me a place to live, but we don’t interact all that much. It’s been that way since my mom died. He’s a little afraid of me, I think.”
“Okay. I have to say, Izzy, that you offer a very compelling case study for the project. I’ve very much enjoyed talking to you and I hope we’ll be in touch in the near future.”
“Is that all?” Izzy asked. “You don’t have anything else to ask me?” Izzy wasn’t sure if she was happy or disappointed by this possibility.