Owned & Untamed (Back Down Devil MC #11)(15)

I turned the corner in the kitchen and looked toward the living room. Jim sat with the television off and a bottle of whiskey in his hand. I entered the room and walked to a chair and plopped down.

He looked at me, looked away, then looked again. “What the f*ck?”

“Jim,” I said.

He held out the whiskey bottle and studied it. “What kind of whiskey is this? It makes ghosts come to life.”

I leaned forward and plucked the bottle from his hand. “I’m not a ghost, brother. I’m right here.”

“Brother,” Jim said and laughed. “You still think of yourself as that?”

“Cut the bullshit. What the f*ck are you doing drinking this shit?”

“Tastes good,” Jim said. “Like the old days.”

“Sitting out behind the shed sipping Big Jim’s whiskey is different than this. You were choking on your puke, huh?”

“My sister f*cking called you?”

“She might have.”

“You both can go f*ck yourselves.”

Jim wrestled to get to his feet. That’s when I saw the prosthetic leg for the first time. His jean leg pulled up and I saw the skinny metal bar that used to be a functioning limb. It took my breath for a second as Jim stood there.

“Yeah?” he asked, obviously noticing I had been staring. “Look.”

He pulled his jeans up even more.

“Christ, man,” I said.

I couldn’t tell him I was sorry. That would only add to the tension. We didn’t want to hear that shit. We didn’t want to hear that it was going to be okay. That anyone was sorry.

“Again, Duke, go f*ck yourself.”

Jim walked to the kitchen and kept going. He exited the back door and slammed it shut. I held up the whiskey bottle and shook it. There was still plenty left in it.

So I took a drink.

What the f*ck was I really doing there?

**

I saw Belle standing in the hallway, arms crossed. There wasn’t much light on her, but I could see the stress in her eyes. I was a nightmare to her. I used to be her dream.

“How’d that go?” she asked.

“Don’t worry, sweetie, we’re just warming up.”

I took two steps toward the door when she called my name in a shaky voice. I looked back and she was closer to me.

“Thank you, Duke,” she said. “For coming up here tonight. I was terrified when I found him passed out. And throwing up. He has these pills… for pain… and I’m so afraid he’s going…”

“Easy, Belle,” I said. “I told you before, you’re too beautiful to cry.”

Christ, I needed to check myself.

Going back in time was not going to help anything.

I went to the back door and found Jim sitting on the back steps outside.

I sat down next to him and looked out to the dark yard. First thing I saw was a big ass tree on its side. I thought for a second it was cut down but then I saw the massive roots sticking up like a million skinny fingers.

“What’s with the tree?” I asked.

Jim scoffed. “Fucking thing fell in a storm. Belle wants me to cut it up. Firewood.”

“Yeah? What’s taking so long?”

Jim looked at me. He curled his lip. “Asshole.”

“What?” I asked. “If you don’t want to do it, call for help.”

“I don’t need any help,” Jim said. “Not for the f*cking tree. And certainly not from you. Jesus Christ, Duke. Where the f*ck did you come from?”

I bounced the whiskey bottle off his arm. “Have a drink with me, brother. For old times. Then I’ll talk.”

Jim threw the bottle back and smacked his lips after taking a very hefty drink.

“Talk,” he growled.

“I heard about everything,” I said. “I got a f*cking medal for what happened. People shaking my goddamn hand. Telling me I was some kind of hero. They f*cking had the fire trucks out and shit for me. Like a goddamn parade. But I couldn’t get that scene out of my head. What you said to me. What all happened. I lost my edge, Jim. That’s truth. I figured you would recover, no matter what. You had Big Jim on your side. Shit, I wished that man was my father. And your sister. You had her. I didn’t want to come crashing into your lives with my stuff. Fuck, listen to me. I sound like a f*cking bitch right now.”

I stopped talking. I wasn’t going to sit there and throw excuses around.

So then there was silence for a little bit.

We passed the bottle back and forth.

Then Jim asked, “How’d the MC thing happen?”

“Brotherhood,” I said. “Long story. Saved me.”

“Can’t ride with one leg, huh?” Jim asked.

“You could do anything you want,” I said. “But you don’t need me to tell you that. You’re choosing this right now. You’re choosing hell.”

“I went to hell and it never left me.”

“We all did.” I paused. “You saved two men’s lives. They have families now. They’re happy. Healthy.”

Jim looked at me. “I couldn’t get to Bill.”

I felt my heart starting to race. I didn’t like to do this share your war story bullshit. I gritted my teeth. Rage filled up inside me. I had to stand up. I wanted to take an ax to that fallen tree. No. A gun.