Out of the Ashes (Sons of Templar MC #3)(86)
I nodded slightly.
“Mia,” he began.
“Someone died today,” I said quietly. Zane’s body stiffened. “Right in front of me someone died,” I whispered.
“Mia,” he tried again.
“People shot at me today. With bullets, with real, people killing bullets.” I don’t know why I said that; what other kind of bullets were there? “People shot at my daughter today,” I continued.
“Mia.” His voice was tortured.
“She is my world,” I stated, cutting him off. “The center of my universe. My everything. My baby. And she almost died today.” My voice cracked slightly at the end.
Zane twisted my body so he was lying half on top of me, his hand cupping my jaw. He reached over and switched on the light, flinching at what he must’ve seen in my expression. He searched my face in desperation. “Mia, tonight. We got them, made them pay, I won’t let anything like that shit happen again. I’ll protect you. And Lexie, I f*ckin’ swear,” he declared firmly.
I shook my head sadly. “It’s my job to protect my daughter,” I said quietly. “Protecting her means I don’t ever put her in situations where her being the victim of a drive by shooting is actually a possibility. Put her in situations where she lies to the police to protect your club.” Zane’s entire form stiffened when I said that.
I was silent for a moment longer, my heart preparing for the necessary break. “No matter what I feel for you, what we have, my daughter comes first. Always. I’ll do anything to protect her.” Even break my own heart. Tears welled in my eyes as I locked gazes with Zane once more. His jaw was hard and his eyes for once were unguarded. They were dancing with emotion that usually only glimmered below the surface, hinting at the depths below. It was exposed now for the world to see and I had to squeeze my eyes shut a moment.
Zane’s touch was feather light on my face, trailing down on my temple.
“Open your eyes Mia,” he whispered.
I couldn’t help it, I did.
“What happened today will never happen again.” His voice was fierce. “Shit’s taken care of. You need to know this though. The club’s a part of me. It is me. I am who I am, ‘cause of that cut.” He nodded to the floor where the leather lay.
He was telling me he would never leave it. Never leave the club that killed his brother today. Got people shot today. In a weird way, I got it. The things you love are never perfect. Sometimes they’re downright ugly. But that’s the way of love. It’s not about sense or aesthetic or even reason. And Zane loved his club. His brothers. No one could ever rip him away from it. Like he said, he was the club. You loved him, you loved the club. I loved him, every inch of him. I loved the broken parts he seemed to only be able to give me. I even loved the club. The sense of family, the loyalty. But it wasn’t just me. I didn’t get to be selfish. Didn’t get to throw reason and sense out the window. I had to hold onto that shit, because of the being downstairs.
He must have seen it in my face because his whole body tightened, shut down, his eyes closing for a moment. I reached up to touch his face, memorizing what it felt like.
“Zane,” I whispered, and he opened his eyes. “If it was only me I’d be there with you, at your side no matter what. I’d trust you with my life,” I promised. “But it’s not just me. I know you promise this won’t happen again, but I can’t take that chance. I could for you, for us, with me. But not with my daughter’s life,” I finished quietly. I didn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t.
His fingers gently lifted my chin to lock my eyes with him. I braced for the fury. For the glare I had only just said goodbye to. But it wasn’t there. There was a hardness to his eyes, hiding something. But there was also tenderness. Love. I nearly choked when I saw it.
“You’re a f*ckin’ good mom, baby. Protecting your girl. I get it,” he ground out, like it was physically painful for him to say. “Gonna f*ck you now,” he murmured. “Taste every inch of you one last time, so I can imprint it into my memories. So you’ll feel me for weeks after this,” he growled.
Then it was nothing. No words. His mouth claimed mine. Different than any other time before. I didn’t think it could be better. But it was. Zane wasn’t holding anything back; he was giving me everything. Taking everything. I clutched to him for dear life. Wishing this moment, this night, could last forever so I never had to say goodbye. That’s what it was. Goodbye. Countless times he made love to me, worshipping every inch of me, possessing every inch of me. Then in the early hours of the morning, he bundled me into his chest, surrounding me with his warmth, his strength.
“Sleep, baby,” he commanded softly.
And although I didn’t want to, didn’t want to surrender to the force dragging down my eyelids, I did. I was too far gone to hear him murmur in my ear.
“Love you, baby, to the moon.”
And when I awoke, he was gone. Most of me was gone too.
The moment the first gunshots sounded was the moment his heart stopped entirely. His eyes had already been on Mia and he had been bursting with fury. Not because Gage had his hands on her, although that did contribute, but mostly because it wasn’t him. He couldn’t smile and laugh while twirling her round to some stupid f*ckin’ song. One Lexie could sing the shit out of, no matter how silly it was. It grated him that he couldn’t be the one that made her laugh, give her what Brock gave Amy. Even Cade, who didn’t dance had Gwen curled in his lap, murmuring to her. Bull couldn’t even f*ckin’ do that. His past, his demons had screwed him up so bad he couldn’t even give the woman he loved what she deserved. Be the man he was before. He was watching Mia make her way over to him with a small smile. Even knowing what he couldn’t give her she still smiled, still took what he could give. Christ, if he didn’t love her even more.