Out of Bounds (The Summer Games #2)(109)

“So you make up.” She shrugged. “It shouldn’t be a big deal for you guys—you seem to be pros at makeup sex.”

I shook my head and dragged a hand through my hair, feeling the tension building up inside me. I felt like a volcano about to erupt.

“Wait…this isn’t about?” Rosie asked, coming to stand beside Lexi. She was so small, but the way she looked at me like she was studying a specimen under a microscope made me shiver. “You’re pushing him away. Why?”

“No. I’m not. That’s not what this is. I just think it’s crazy that he would move to Texas for me.”

She shook her head and narrowed her eyes, trying to unravel the hidden truth behind my words.

“I think you’re sabotaging something good so you won’t get hurt…so you won’t get left behind.”

I shook my head vehemently. “That’s not the case at all.”

“Yes it is,” Lexi said with fire in her eyes. “Let Erik come to Texas with you because he loves you and wants to make you happy. Don’t spend so much time trying to figure out how you’re supposed to feel, and focus on what you do feel. If you are scared, you don’t have to push him away forever. Take it step by step, and if you guys aren’t happy, then you break up. It’s not the end of the world.”

No.

My stomach tightened and my heart dropped.

It would be the end of the world. That’s what no one understood.

I was already in love with Erik. Over the last few weeks, I’d let myself fall into the fantasy of him. I’d believed I was worthy of a man like Erik Winter and I’d fallen in love, not by choice, but because eventually I lost the fight against him. Even still, I’d always prepared myself for the end. In the last few days, I’d pushed him away, blaming it on gymnastics and my need to focus on the Olympics, but really, I’d tried to build a wall between us so that when he left, I wouldn’t be crushed by the weight of his absence. As it was now, Erik still lived in that fantasy world. He was a fling I’d had during the Olympics, a memory I could think back on like a dream once I returned to normalcy.

If I let him come back to Texas and he infiltrated my everyday life, it’d be a different story. I’d have to adapt to him being around. I’d have to get used to spending time with him and building a life with him, and if he ever left me behind, I wouldn’t survive it. I wouldn’t be able to get back on the bus and share a tiny apartment with my mom and pretend my old life was good enough anymore.

It dawned on me that the flipside to being spared the pain of losing someone I loved would also manifest itself as a defense mechanism, to keep men I might love at arm’s length. If isolationism had served me well in the past, I reasoned it would be a useful policy moving forward—and it was, that is, until Erik came crashing into my life.

“So you think I should let Erik come to Texas with me and see how it goes? Just throw myself off a cliff and pray for the best?”

Lexi reached out and thumped me on the forehead. “Yes, you idiot. That’s what love is. Now freaking call the man before you lose him for good!

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Call him!” Rosie insisted.

“Where’s my phone!?”

I tried calling three times, pressing the phone to my ear as it continued to ring and ring with no answer. Either he didn’t have his phone near him or he was purposely ignoring my calls.

“You really screwed up this time, Watson,” Lexi said, shaking her head as I paced the living room. “And if you think about it, you were really each other’s only chance at love. You’re both so freaking stubborn and annoying, no one else on earth would touch you with a ten-foot pole.”

Rosie laughed and shook her head. “That’s not true.”

Lexi leveled her with a glare.

“Well the stubborn part was true,” Rosie conceded, trying to hide a smile.

“He’s probably already on his way to the airport,” I said, stuffing my phone back into my purse and heading for the door. “I’ll just find him there!”

“UH HELLO?! Thanks for the goodbye hug!” Lexi shouted after me.

I squeezed my eyes closed and turned around. “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!”

“Wait!” Molly said, rushing out of her room with her suitcase. “I’ll ride with you to the airport, Brie!”

“Then I guess it’s just us you have to hug goodbye,” Rosie said, rushing forward to wrap her arms around me. I squeezed her close and pressed my face into her hair. She smelled so sweet and my heart broke at the idea of leaving her.

“You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, Rosie. Don’t ever change.”

She grinned as she pulled back and Lexi took the opportunity to rush forward and collide with us. We nearly toppled to the ground with the weight of her assault.

“Rosie and I will come down to Texas soon. I like that save a horse, ride a cowboy mantra they’ve got going down there.”

I laughed at Lexi and hugged her back. For the next few minutes, we said our goodbyes and promised each other we’d keep in touch. There was talk of a mini-reunion and even June poked her head out of her room before I headed for the door with Molly.

“I’ll see you later, June,” I said with a soft smile.

She nodded. “Yeah, have a safe flight and…uh, sorry about being so rude those first few weeks,” she said, mostly speaking against her shoulder.