Out Of The Blue (The Wrong Bed #12)(37)

She just didn't like that she'd fallen for him, when falling for him hadn't been a smart thing to do. Oh sure, they would have phone calls in their future. E-mail, faxes, etc. Maybe even the occasional stolen weekend.

Maybe.

But Zach was a cop, which statistically speaking, meant he was married to his job. She had his last case as hard evidence, when he'd gone undercover and hadn't surfaced for one year, and only then because he'd been shot.

"Definitely not dealing with this well," she muttered, startled to realize it was nearly dark and that she'd come a mile down the beach, to the secluded little bay Tara jokingly referred to as Make-Out Rock.

By the time she walked to the far side, near the bluffs, the sun had disappeared completely, leaving an incredibly dark, gorgeous night sky.

She felt it again, that little shiver of awareness that told her Zach was near. She turned, finding him only ten feet away; tall, dark, gorgeous and silent.

Any light she might have used to determine his mood was gone. He was silhouetted by an early moon, his face in the shadows. All she could see was his concerned gaze, which stoked the tornado of feelings just beneath her surface.

"As you can see," she said calmly, "I'm not swimming in a storm. I'm not in danger of drowning. I'm perfectly safe."

"Yes."

Oh fine, he was going to be the reasonable one. "And actually, if I wanted to swim right now, I would. And you know what else? After you're gone, I might even…"

"What, Hannah?"

Never be the same.

She was never going to be the same.

Her throat burned with the tears she refused to shed because she didn't dare give in to them or she'd never stop.

There was no one around, no lights, nothing but the moon and the stars. The two of them were in their own little world, protected from view by the bluffs. A breeze danced over them, making Hannah's skin turn to gooseflesh, and while she stared at the bumps covering her arms, Zach shrugged out of his denim jacket and held it out.

Somehow, that small, chivalrous gesture, the one that meant he hadn't listened to her when she demanded he stop caring about her, broke her control. "Once again, I'm taking something from you," she said. "Let's see … first it was your body, and now—"

"It's just a damn jacket." He placed it around her shoulders.

"I'm fine," she said in a much smaller voice now. "Really I am. I don't need you, I just somehow … think I do."

"Is needing me so bad?"

"It is when I have no idea how you feel."

"I need you more than I need my next breath."

"You … do?"

"Yeah." He zipped up the jacket, his fingers lingering at her neck, then her jaw. Slowly he cupped her face, tipped it up and smiled. "I know how fiercely independent you are. I even know why, but that isn't what this is about."

"What is it about?"

"You. And me. Enjoying each other, wanting to be together. Sharing, laughing, talking, touching. We're drawn to each other, helplessly drawn, you can't fight it."

"Guess I haven't had much experience at this."

"Neither have I," he admitted, and at her startled look, he let out a rueful laugh. "Not with meaningful relationships, that is."

"You haven't had time?"

"I haven't made time." He hadn't taken his hands off her, and now he ran them down her arms to her hands, linking them together with his. "I've never wanted to until now."

Somehow that admission touched her unbearably, because she thought maybe he was saying if things were only different, he would have wanted a meaningful relationship with her.

She liked knowing that.

In fact, once he was gone, it would be all she had.

"Maybe making time is something I haven't done either," she said, wanting to be honest. "I always thought it was because I was too busy, but I think maybe I did that on purpose. Used the demands on my time as an excuse not to let anyone close."

"Life can get awfully lonely that way."

"I kept myself busy, so busy I never really noticed. I had Alexi and Tara. And the lodge."

"So what changed?"

"You. It was you. Everything changed that night you came back. I decided to go for it. To, for once, let someone in. Only it got out of control so fast." She shook her head, her throat tight. "I couldn't stop the feelings, the emotions, and even when I told myself over and over again it was all temporary, I still couldn't stop them."

"Me, either." The moonlight glinted in his hair as he brought one of their joined hands up to his mouth, brushing his lips over her skin, softening her heart all the more. "I'm learning sometimes that's okay. You have to trust yourself."

"I … trust you."

"That's good." He leaned close to stare deep into her eyes. "Because I trust you back."

"But I don't want a long-distance relationship."

A half smile curved his lips as he drew her close against his wonderfully warm body. "Well, at least you're admitting you want one."

Oh yes, she wanted one. She hadn't even realized it, not until he'd come back into her life and shown her what she was missing, but she wanted that with all her heart.