One Was Lost(54)

“Better,” he says, and his sudden smile surprises me as much as his soft words. “I don’t talk about it because I’ve seen the way people react to my dads.”

“Is it hard?” This from Lucas. His soft sincerity surprises me.

“Not always. Lots of people want to be supportive, and most people try. But there’s always this moment when they hesitate. They’re thinking about it, trying to sort it all out. Should Pop go in the dentist box or the gay father box?”

“More labels,” I whisper.

He shrugs. “I was born into a stack of them. Cello prodigy. Person of color. Gay dads. I just want this part of me to be mine for now.”

My chest blooms with warmth, and I try to bite back my smile. And fail spectacularly. “I think I get that.”

“No, you don’t,” he says, but he smiles just enough that his words don’t sting.

There’s a rustling across camp, and I see Emily waving her hands gently, softly encouraging Madison to head out. My stomach flutters. Tightens.

“What’s happening?” Lucas asks.

No one really answers. Madison checks Hayley one more time, pushes a hunk of her own sticky hair behind her shoulder, and stumbles into the trees. Her footsteps are loud at first but then softer and softer until they fade.

I lock on to Emily’s gaze, and for one split second, I think this is it. We’ll all run. We’ll be out. Then Emily struggles to her feet, like she wants to approach. Her ankle buckles, and her face contorts. Jude swears, and we trip over each other trying to get to her.

I crouch down next to her, smelling sweat and blood and fecund things from the forest floor. Emily’s letting out short puffs of air with a little whine at the end of each one.

“What can we do?” I ask.

“How long do we have?” Jude asks.

“She’s using the bathroom,” she says. “Stomach issues, but who knows.”

“I’ll carry you,” Lucas says. “We’ll run.”

“No.” Emily pushes his hands away hard and closes her fingers around my wrist. “You need to go. I can’t leave Hayley.”

“We can’t leave you,” I argue. “After the way Hayley acted, we can’t let you stay here with Madison.”

“She’s right,” Jude says. “Something’s very wrong with that girl.”

“Yeah, everything that’s happened is wrong with her. She’s crazy, but she’s not behind this,” Emily says. “I’d bet my life on that.”

If we leave, I’m afraid that’s exactly what she’ll have to do.

“But everyone from her camp is dead or in very real trouble,” I whisper softly. “And she has a thing for Lucas.”

“If it is her, it’s the two of you this is about,” she says. She gestures at us. “More reason for you to go. Just send help fast.”

“What if she hurts you?”

“If Madison is after someone, it’s not me,” Emily says, voice hard. “I know when someone’s going to hurt me.”

I study her red-rimmed eyes and stringy hair. I think about the old bruises I saw in the tent, the ones on her arms.

They were shaped like fingers, and I know why now. My throat feels thick. Emily catches me looking and clamps her hands over her biceps.

“Emily.” I say it like a prayer.

“Please go,” she says again. “I’m fine. Just hurry.”

“They can go. I’m staying,” Jude says.

“No,” Emily says.

“Yes.”

“You should be looking out for yourself,” Emily tells him.

“Excuse me for evolving some empathy.” Jude’s words bite, but his look is gentle. “We can watch her better together. If she tries something, she’ll have two of us to deal with.”

Tears are glittering in Emily’s eyes, and I can’t do this. I can’t leave them here. We are supposed to stay together. I wrap an arm around my aching middle, wincing against the throb in my hand. I try to speak, but Emily looks right over my head to Lucas.

“Get help,” she tells him. “Be careful. Don’t die getting out of here. Hayley looks stable, but she’s going to need serious antibiotics. You two have to stay alive, or she won’t.”

My breath sticks halfway in. “Emily, I—”

Lucas curls his fingers around my arm. He should argue. Ask something. But he doesn’t, and I knew he wouldn’t because Lucas believes her. Us getting help is the best shot we have.

He takes my uninjured hand and eases us back toward the path. Thank God the trees are thinner here. There aren’t leaves and sticks and things to pop under our every step. Before we’re out of reach, I take a breath because I feel like I should say something important. Meaningful.

All we get is a long look at one another. Jude’s hair is springing in a million directions, and Emily’s got dark smudges beneath both eyes. They look like the kind of people the world forgets, but they aren’t forgettable to me.

Lucas pulls me slowly and carefully through the trees, and I let him. I know this is our best chance. But I can’t help feeling like I’m betraying them.





Chapter 22


The light’s gone golden, and there’s an afternoon sleepiness to the air that makes my bones ache. I’m exhausted, we’re low on water, and we’re backtracking thanks to the steep slope of the mountain in front of us.