One Was Lost(48)

“What do you mean you couldn’t? I thought you were cleared.”

“It doesn’t matter. No more sports. That was what they decided—my parents and the coaches and the school board and probably some asshole PTA members. They loved that mighty we. We think it’s best. We all want the same thing. We all know you don’t mean to be a danger.”

I don’t know what to say. Nothing will help. Nothing will change what happened. I think of touching him, but he looks as if he might implode, so I stay still.

Lucas closes his eyes. “I never gave a shit what the rest of them thought, but when my parents decided I was a danger? Screw it, you know? If everyone’s determined to be afraid of me anyway…”

“That’s when you decided to fight back,” I guess.

“Maybe. Or maybe I decided I believed them too.”

It’s not what I thought about him. It’s worse because it makes me feel more. Pain spreads up from my middle, squeezing tight in my chest. I think that’s my heart. But hearts lie.

I can’t stand the idea of who I am right now, the girl with shaky knees and stars in her eyes. But when Lucas turns to walk away, I can’t stand that either. I’m torn between impossibilities.

“That word on your arm isn’t you,” I say.

I don’t even know if it’s true, but it means something to him. He draws closer, and then his hands move to my hair, thumbs tracing the line of my jaw as he looks at me. “I’m going to get you out of here, Sera. And when we are home, I’m not going to sit by and shut up if you vanish again.”

My knees turn to jelly. To liquid. To nothing at all. Any second, my legs will turn to dust, and I’ll drop.

“I don’t want to make promises out here. Let’s just get through this,” I say, but it comes out like a whimper.

His thumb drags down the column of my throat. “You don’t have to promise me anything.”

I kiss him this time, my good hand finding his, lacing our fingers together. Our palms connect, and Lucas tightens his hold around my waist, and everything just…disappears. No forest, no killer, no danger. It’s magic. I don’t care if it’s a trick of the light; I am spellbound all the same.





Chapter 19


When we get back to camp, time crawls. Mr. Walker sleeps fitfully, and we stare at each other under filtered moonlight, waiting for the right time. It’s colder tonight. I’m shivering, and sometimes, I can hear a faint tapping that’s probably Emily’s teeth chattering.

I scoot back and catch my left hand on my hip, hissing. It’s a combination of scrapes and blisters from the sled handle, and it’s turning into a real problem. I’ve had plenty of time to dwell on the pain and softly touch around the worst of the scrapes in the darkness. It’s a little warm to the touch. Emily didn’t say much when I asked earlier for her opinion, but I don’t think it’s good. Lucas ripped off one of his T-shirt sleeves for a bandage. It’s better than nothing, I guess.

Jude discreetly dragged a six-pack of water away from the cooler when he headed off for another bathroom break. He’s earning all the letters on his arm tonight. Between the water and telling Emily, I have no idea how he’s pulling it off without getting caught. I never saw them speak, and Emily hasn’t strayed from Mr. Walker’s side, but she knows the plan. I can tell by her expression alone.

Mr. Walker starts to snore low, deep rumbles. Jude lifts his hands in question, but Emily raises one finger. We wait for days. Years. I count the snores because there’s nothing else to do. I’m at eighty-three before Emily finally stands up.

It’s time.

The four of us inch backward from the camp in slow motion. Jude’s fashioned a pack out of an extra shirt I don’t remember seeing, and he’s got the water strapped to his chest like a baby in a sling. The food is gone, save the cracker set and yogurt we left behind.

Maybe twenty yards away, Lucas snaps a stick under his boot. We freeze, and the hair on the back of my neck rises. Did Mr. Walker hear us?

My ears ache, straining for noise. Crickets sing. There’s a muffled hoot in the distance. Mr. Walker snores on.

We tiptoe slowly, inching from tree to tree, following the sound of each other’s footsteps. North. God, I hope it’s north anyway. I’m totally trusting Lucas and Jude on this one. They referred to the sun setting and a couple of other things, and it was all blah, blah, science, blah in my ears.

I scrape my arm across branches and trip over roots at first, but soon enough, I figure out a way to move that doesn’t feel so dangerous. There isn’t much light, but there’s enough to see the tree trunks, columns of black interrupting the gray. I drag my good hand along the bark of each one to steady myself, keeping my steps light until I’m sure there’s nothing to trip on.

Lucas holds the lead, but he moves faster than I’d like. I don’t complain. I want out, and we can’t get out if we tiptoe from one tree to the next. He doesn’t slow until we’ve been walking for at least an hour. I think. Honestly, how would anyone know out here, but when we cluster up around his back, we’re all breathing hard and smelling ripe.

“Are we lost?” Emily asks.

Lucas shakes his head. “No, I just thought…”

Jude snickers. “Please tell me you still remember where north is.”