On the Rocks(67)
When the organ music started, I exited the church vestibule, clutching my flowers like a security blanket and feeling as if everyone in the room was staring at me. Not that that made me any different from any other maid of honor in any other wedding on planet Earth, but the attention made my knees shake so badly I was worried that I might actually fall in the middle of the aisle. As bad as that humiliation would have been, I wasn’t entirely sure that Katie would wait for me to get up before she began her procession, and I’d most likely end up a giant pink speed bump on her way to the altar.
I tried to bury the emotions that were brimming with each step I took. I knew it wasn’t meant to be for me, not yet at least, but it didn’t make attending my first post-breakup wedding any easier. I stood at the altar next to her, holding her bouquet, fluffing her dress, watching her float past me in this important stage of life. It was like I was being left behind all over again and forced to watch every moment of what could have been in slow motion, with a smile plastered on my face. When the priest asked if anyone objected to the marriage, I realized that maybe I was lucky that Ben had called off the wedding when he did. The only thing worse than canceling our engagement on Facebook would have been if he had objected to his own nuptials from the altar. If that had happened, I’d have had to spend the summer somewhere much farther away than Newport to rebuild my emotional switchboard. Like Guam or something. I guess I was trying to find the silver lining here too.
After the ceremony and innumerable pictures, most of which involved my mother attempting to stand in front of the bride and groom, we headed to the reception at the Boston Public Library, the venue I had booked for my wedding. I had attended dozens of weddings over the years, and no one had had their reception at the historic Boston site. It was one of the things I loved about it. It was different, it was original, it was going to make my wedding one that everyone would remember. In my dreams it was going to be perfect. Of course, in my dreams I was also skinny and wearing the white dress. It’s funny how things turn out sometimes.
We entered the reception hall, and I stopped in my tracks. The long rectangular tables were covered with white damask tablecloths and dotted with huge topiaries of roses and hydrangeas. Candles covered every surface in sight, and the high vaulted ceilings and dramatic paned windows made you feel like you had walked into a veritable wedding wonderland. On a table off to the side was a dramatic four-tiered wedding cake, covered with vanilla buttercream and adorned with pink and white sugar flowers. I didn’t have to wait for the cake to be cut to know that it was red velvet, Katie’s favorite. At the very least, provided I was able to stomach it, I knew I’d enjoy dessert.
I took a glass of champagne from one of the trays and turned to say hello to some of the guests. I was approached right away by Charlie, my brand-new brother-in-law.
“Hey, Abby,” he said as he leaned down and kissed my cheek. “You look beautiful, you really do. Have you lost weight?” he asked. Katie had clearly trained him well.
“Thanks, a little, yeah. I’ve been trying to at least,” I said as I reached up and straightened his boutonniere. “Let the record show that you’re officially my favorite brother-in-law.”
“Listen, I hope you don’t mind my saying this, but I just want to say that I think it’s really great how cool you’ve been about this whole thing. I know it’s been hard. For what it’s worth, it’s been hard on Katie too,” he said with a strained smile.
“What do you mean hard on her? She seems fine.” I caught sight of my sister out of the corner of my eye, playing the part of the perfect bride. You’d never guess that we had been mere minutes from a full-blown fistfight just a little while ago.
“You know, getting married so soon after everything happened to you. Ben’s an *, by the way. It’s his loss.”
“Yeah, I’ve figured that out already,” I answered, though hearing Ben’s name in this setting made my stomach churn.
“She loves you so much, and she’s been so torn up about this whole thing. I feel like I’m responsible. If I had known what had happened, I would’ve waited to propose. I’m sorry that the timing of this sucks so badly for you.” Charlie stared at the floor as he spoke. I realized he felt guilty, something he shouldn’t feel on his wedding day. No one in this room was to blame for what had happened, not even me. I think I believed that.
“It’s not your fault. And I’m happy you didn’t wait to ask her to marry you. That wouldn’t have been right either,” I said.
“I just love her so much, and I want both of you guys to enjoy today.”
“You do, don’t you? Love her,” I asked, looking at the expression on Charlie’s boyish face. It was one I’d never seen on Ben’s, not once in the ten years I was with him.
“I can’t imagine my life without her.”
“Me neither,” I said honestly. “Now go mingle. You don’t need to spend your cocktail hour over here talking to your new sister-in-law. We have years for that.”
“Okay. Promise me you’ll at least try and have fun,” he said as he hugged me.
“I will.” I meant it. I think.
Charlie smiled sheepishly as he walked away, and I smiled in spite of myself. I had been dreading this day since I found out Katie was engaged, and the truth was, this had nothing to do with me. Apparently, life did not stand still for everyone else just because my own world stopped spinning, and that’s exactly how it should have been. Now if only someone could explain that to my mother, we’d be all set.