On the Rocks(58)

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

“How’d she get your number?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know how she found out about me.”

“She’s not stupid, Grace. When he told her he was leaving her, she probably went through his phone or something. Men rarely leave their wives unless there’s someone else for them to go to. They can’t be alone. Ben might have stayed with me as long as he did simply because he didn’t know how to work his washing machine. Eventually she had to find out about you if you guys are going to be together.”

“I was prepared for eventually. I wasn’t prepared for today.”

“I know, babe. I know. I think you need to get out of there. Can you go home?” I asked, checking my watch again and watching the minutes tick by.

“I already left. I’m on my way home now, except I walked the wrong way. I feel like I’m spinning in circles.”

“Go home, take a hot shower, and curl up on the couch. I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

“Don’t tell anyone, please. No one else understands the way you do. I’m so ashamed.”

“I won’t, I promise. Everything will be okay.” I tried to sound soothing. I don’t think it worked.

“Hurry up. I don’t want to be alone right now,” she cried, so desperately I actually winced.

“I will. Just sit tight, I’m coming.”

She hung up, and I threw my phone in my bag as I mentally switched gears and hurried into the salon. My heart broke for her, and I was nervous about leaving her alone when she was so hysterical, but there was no way I could miss Katie’s appointment. Grace had single-handedly nursed me back to sufficient mental health, and now when she needed me most I had to make her wait. Why did everything always happen at once?

I stared at the floor as I walked to the back of the room and met my mother, sitting in a chair, looking at herself in a compact mirror, fixing the makeup she probably applied with a spatula. My mother had apparently been doing some maintenance on herself in preparation for the wedding. She looked like a wax figure that escaped from Madame Tussauds.

“Hey,” I said as I slouched down next to her in my long black cotton dress, baseball hat, and dark sunglasses. I gave her a peck on her Restylane–filled cheek “How are you?”

My mother eyed me curiously. “Why do you look like you’re about to rob a bank or something?” she asked.

“I’m afraid the salesgirls will recognize me. I’m pretty sure I’m banned for life from this store. I probably could be arrested.”

“You could be arrested for walking around looking like a homeless person, that’s for sure. You would feel so much better about everything if you dressed nicely and got a new haircut or something. It’s been months, Abby. When are you going to start taking care of yourself again?”

“Not today, Mom. Definitely not today.” I sat on the chair that Grace had occupied eons ago, only I didn’t have the luxury of slugging champagne like she had. I was too embarrassed to even look at the salesladies, never mind ask for a cocktail. If I’d been smart I’d have packed a flask.

“Did you take my advice and look into ordering a juice cleanse?” my mother asked. “I don’t want to upset you by asking, but you never call home and tell me anything so you leave me no choice.”

I’m trying to save money, and long-distance calls to the underworld are pricey, I thought.

“No. But I started running again. That should help,” I said. I heard my aunt Patrice in my head, reminding me that my mother was trying to help me, and tried very hard to keep my composure.

“Well, if you don’t want to do a cleanse, why don’t you do what I did and become vegan?”

“I don’t even know what that is.” And I don’t care, I thought.

“It’s simple, really. You eat mostly vegetables and soy products. You can’t consume anything that once had a mother and a father.”

“Lucky for you vodka is everyone’s favorite orphan,” I said flatly. Bye-bye, composure.

“What’s with the attitude?”

“Honestly, I’m trying to lose the weight, but you constantly reminding me that I’m fatter than usual isn’t helping. And really, who cares? No one will be looking at me.”

My mother shrugged, finally acquiescing. “Okay, suit yourself. We’ll just buy you some extra Spanx, maybe a full body shaper. I’m sure we’ll find something that’ll help.”

“Gee, you’re the best mom in the whole world.”

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but let me remind you that I am your mother. It’s not my job to make you feel better about yourself. It’s my job to tell you the truth.”

The sick thing is, she actually believed that.

“I’m almost ready!” Katie chirped from behind her velvet curtain. “I can’t wait for you guys to see how amazing this dress is!” I found it hysterical that Katie got herself a designer gown and threw me in a giant pink garbage bag. Just in case I wasn’t self-conscious enough as it was. Bobby was right. Bridesmaids probably were supremely easy targets.

“What are you wearing to the wedding anyway?” I asked my mom, trying to change the topic of conversation.