On Second Thought(74)

There it was, the little flash of gold in his left iris. “I would,” I said taking my hand back, and I felt myself smiling. Why, I wasn’t sure. Wine. Stress relief. Suddenly, our conversation in the Algonquin, all of us looking like Blue Man Group rejects, seemed funny. “He’s become a grade-A dick, hasn’t he? But honestly, Jon, he wasn’t always like that. He used to...I don’t know...need me.”

I took a bite of risotto and thought. Jonathan waited.

“And I loved that. Then when he got sick and he was so scared, I just kind of...stepped it up. Took care of his appointments, his medications, went to the doctor’s office with him—”

“Yes, I know,” Jonathan said. “You still have minus fourteen days of vacation.”

“Thanks for reminding me, boss.” I pushed my excellent risotto away. A place like this would have boffo desserts, and I wanted to save room. “When Eric had cancer, I was completely...necessary.”

“I would imagine you were completely necessary well before then.”

As was so often true, his formal language kept a distance between the words and the sentiment. I thought it was a compliment.

I thought it was a very, very good compliment.

Jonathan looked steadily at me, not blinking, the impeccable suit, the muted tie. One hand was on his wineglass, his long fingers graceful on the stem.

Suddenly, I could feel my heart beating. My skin seemed to tighten at the same time my bones grew hot.

Jonathan Kent was smiling at me. Just a little. Just enough.

“Did you read the piece on the pumpkin farm?” I blurted. “That’s pretty interesting, right? All those...pumpkins.”

“Yes.”

“Was it okay? The piece?”

“It was fine. Very good. I liked the bit about the dogs. That was your addition, wasn’t it?”

I nodded.

“You’re not as bad at your job as you pretend to be, Ainsley.” He was still looking at me. His voice seemed to creep under my dress and caress my skin.

Clearly, two glasses of wine on top of a martini was way, way too much for me. He hadn’t said a single thing that was even in the same neighborhood as flirty or dirty, and I...I was just overly emotional tonight.

“Would miss or sir like dessert?” Carl asked.

“No, thanks,” I blurted. “I need to get home.”





Chapter Eighteen

Kate

On Friday, I went to my parents’ house for a family dinner. Ainsley had to be in the city for work, which may or may not have been coincidental. My mother often held family dinners when Ainsley was out of town. Every summer, when Ainsley and Eric were off on vacation with the Fishers, Mom held a neighborhood picnic, too.

I wondered if Nathan and Madeleine had ever gone on vacation with his parents. I’d never asked.

I hadn’t read those emails yet, either. I just couldn’t, and now the thought of them sat in my mind like a tumor.

Being with my family would be a good distraction.

My parents’ house had been redecorated since the last time I was over, before Nathan died. Everything was now white, save for the abused “pop of color” notion that embodied itself in orange throw pillows—three in a line on the couch, one on each white chair.

I went into the kitchen. “Hi, everyone.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” my mother said. “We all want to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m okay,” I lied. There was no way in hell that I’d tell them about finding the emails.

“One month is usually a turning point,” she said. “Especially since you really didn’t know Nathan very long.” She poured herself some wine and fluffed her stiff hair, ignoring the fact that her words had just stabbed me.

I remember going to one of her book signings, where people would break down, telling her how her wisdom and kindness had changed their lives. She’d take them in her arms and often wipe away her own tears. Genuine tears.

She’d always been better with strangers.

“Hello, my darling!” said Gram-Gram. “Oh, you look so pretty! Shall we have lunch together sometime?”

“That would be really nice, Gram-Gram.”

“I have a wake to go to tomorrow. Would you like to come to that? We could get sushi afterward. Did you know sushi is raw fish? I just found that out!”

“Yes to the sushi, no to the wake,” I said, forcing a smile.

“How’s my princess?” Dad asked, coming inside from where he’d been avoiding the rest of us. He squeezed my shoulder.

“I’m fine, Dad. How are the Yankees?”

“Horrible this year. The Orioles, though—shockingly good so far.”

“Nice call the other night. At second?”

He grinned, the eternal boy of summer. “Thanks, babe. It was a close one, but the replay proved me right.”

“Hey, Kate,” Sean said, giving me the requisite fraternal half hug. Even better, he gave me Sadie.

“Hi, sweet pea,” I said, kissing her head and breathing in her smell. “Hi, Esther, hi, Mattie.” The other kids gave me dutiful hugs. “God, Matthias, you’re getting tall.”

“So good to see you,” said Kiara, kissing me on both cheeks. “The kids have missed you!”