On Her Master's Secret Service (Masters and Mercenaries #4)(36)

“I don’t think they’re healing for him, sweetie.” Grace looked out to the patio where the men had gathered. “They’re tough men. They like to pretend they don’t feel things, but it’s an act.”

“I think I understand,” Serena said. “You want him to focus on you, on your relationship.”

Finally someone got it. “Serena, after it happened…” God, be brave, Eve. Just f*cking say it. “After I was raped…”

“After you were tortured,” Grace prompted. It was obvious to Eve that Grace was taking the big-sister role, and she wasn’t about to let Eve sugarcoat a damn thing. She should be annoyed, but she only felt a deep sense of gratitude.

“After I was tortured, Alex shut down. He said all the right things, but he wasn’t there for me. I’m not saying he didn’t sit with me and hold my hand.”

“He pulled away,” Avery concluded. “Yes, I do understand that, but not the way you would think. I understand where Alex is coming from.”

Eve sighed. “Of course, I know that it’s a typical reaction for the loved ones of a victim to pull away due to an overwhelming sense of guilt and a fear that the world won’t be the same again. I’ve seen it in a lot of people.”

Avery wouldn’t let up. “But you haven’t felt it, Eve. I know you’re smart and you’re so educated and experienced when it comes to people’s motivations, but you can’t know what it feels like to be the one who didn’t die.”

But Avery did. “I didn’t die, Avery. It wasn’t as bad as that.”

“No, she’s right,” Serena argued. “A rape is something traumatic. The only thing I can think of that’s worse than it happening to me is knowing that it’s happening to someone I love and not being able to stop it.”

“He was helpless, Eve.” Avery’s eyes closed and opened again as though she was briefly reliving what she’d had to go through. “I was helpless. I was trapped in that car and I listened to my daughter die. I watched my husband bleed to death. Alex didn’t have to watch, but I can imagine that it was horrible for him. He had to sit there knowing that you were hurting. Can you imagine the scenarios that played through his head? Have you told him what happened? Have you really talked about it?”

“I didn’t want to burden him.” She’d talked to her therapist but only in general terms. She’d told the police, but that was a clinical thing, divorced utterly from the emotions she’d felt. “It should have brought us together. I thought we were strong enough that it would bring us together, but he drifted away from me.”

“And you’re so angry about that,” Grace said. “I would be. I would feel abandoned.”

“He didn’t want me anymore. I wonder if he thinks I’m dirty, Grace.” She’d never said it out loud. “He wouldn’t touch me for the longest time and then it was different. I hated how different it was, like I wasn’t the woman he’d married anymore but he was too honorable to leave. So I divorced him, but we fell into this stupid contract and we haven’t been able to move on. Just when I thought I could, Michael Evans pops back up.”

“He was always going to come back.” Serena sat back, her face thoughtful. “That’s what Jake and Adam said.”

“I don’t think so. I know Alex has it in his head that Michael Evans is out there plotting against him, but I disagree. Evans was satisfied with the revenge he had against Alex.”

“But Alex isn’t satisfied that the threat is gone.” Grace took a sip of her wine. “He can’t be until Evans is in jail or dead. Eve, you think this is about revenge, but I think you’re wrong. You’re too close to the situation. You both made mistakes, but the first one is not talking about this. I know it’s hard, but you’ve both tried to find ways around the situation. You didn’t divorce Alex because you’re not in love with him.”

Eve let her eyes close, unwilling to look at them while she admitted her sins. “No. I did it because I needed him to notice me again.” A hand slipped over hers. She looked down. Grace. The words seemed to come more easily now. “I wanted him to fight me, but he didn’t. He told me if that was what I needed, then he understood.”

“Dumbass,” Serena said under her breath.

They’d both been stupid. “But I don’t know that I’m willing to jump back into this with him. I think we might have made too many mistakes. It might be best to just let each other go and start over again.”

“You can’t until you sort some things out,” Avery argued. “And I don’t know how you do that from here when he’s in Florida.”

“I’ve tried to make him stay.” It was the first time she’d asked for anything in years, but she had to acknowledge that it might be too late.

“Oh.” A little gasp came out of Serena’s mouth. “Oh. Now I don’t hate that idea at all.”

Grace leaned forward. “She just got a plot idea. When she says she doesn’t hate something, it’s usually really good.”

Serena got very animated as she talked about her writing, her hands fluttering as she spoke. “Look, sometimes when you’re writing, a good plot is right in front of you, but it’s in these weird little pieces. So, Alex needs backup, but he’s afraid to take Eve. We all hate Amanda, and let’s face facts, I don’t care that she’s a cop, she’s a ho-bag and she’ll throw him under a bus if some hottie comes walking by. Our men are involved in this potentially dangerous operation and wouldn’t we feel safer if there was a sister on the inside? There’s one solution to this problem. You have to kill Amanda and take her place.”