On Her Master's Secret Service (Masters and Mercenaries #4)(22)

His eyes narrowed. “You don’t talk about your shit.”

She didn’t before, but he severely underestimated how much she cared about him. “I was raped.”

His gorgeous face went tight. “Don’t do this to me. I already know the story.”

But it was what he needed. He needed to open up and the only way she could make it safe for him to be open was to be open herself. Ian might know the facts, but he’d never heard her say them. “I was raped, and Alex couldn’t handle it and he turned away from me. It nearly killed me, Ian.”

He closed his eyes, but his hand came out as though it had a mind of its own. He touched her hair, drawing her closer.

“I thought he cared more about punishing the man who hurt me than he wanted to be with me.” The words were nearly stuck in her throat, but it was easier because she’d made the decision to give them another chance. She had to talk about it.

“Eve, he loves you.”

But he might love revenge more. It didn’t matter now. Michael Evans was a million miles away. “I’m thinking about renegotiating our contract. Now, I’ve talked. Why are we listening to hair metal?”

He frowned, those full lips turning down. “Because I like it.”

“It doesn’t seem to be making you happy.”

“Can you leave this alone?”

She laid her head down on his lap. She knew just how to manipulate Ian Taggart. What the other subs didn’t understand was that Ian responded to tenacity, gentle, loving tenacity. “Yes, I can leave it alone.”

She gave him a couple of seconds of quiet. She knew he would make the right decision. He would never leave her hanging.

“Manipulative little brat. You know me far too well. Fine.” His hand soothed back her hair. “I had a woman I…cared about.”

Well, of course it was about a woman. And he wouldn’t talk about it normally. He would hide it. She was catching him in a vulnerable moment, but she thought he needed to talk. She didn’t know about any woman he’d really cared about except his high school girlfriend named Holly. From what she’d been told, they’d been engaged, but Holly had broken it off during his first stint in Iraq. As Alex explained it, one day he’d had a fiancée and the next he had a Dear John letter.

That was right about the time he’d discovered BDSM. Had he been mourning her loss for all these years? As long as Eve had known him, he’d always been surrounded by subs. He was a sub magnet, but she’d never seen him fall for a single woman. If he said he’d cared about a woman, then he had very likely loved her with his whole damn soul. “Is this about Holly?”

He snorted a little. “Holly? No. I thought Holly was the queen bitch of the world. Then I met Charlotte. No. I’m not pining over Holly. I wish Holly and mid-level lawyer husband number two all the f*cking best in the world.”

Charlotte? She didn’t know a Charlotte, and she couldn’t very well push him. “Charlotte is a nice name.”

She could only soothe him. Any aggression or outright curiosity at this point would send him into his shell.

“Yes. A lovely name for a lovely woman. But she was a crazy bitch.”

For Ian, that was practically a term of endearment. He was a man who appreciated a righteous bitch. She softened her voice and hoped she wasn’t going too fast. “What happened to her?”

It couldn’t be good.

His expression never changed. It stayed a careful blank. He took a long drag off the Scotch. “I can’t make her leave. She’s in my head. I can’t get her f*cking out. Never met anyone with skills like Charlotte. She could make me run in circles and I liked it. Do you know what’s it like to not be able to get a woman out of your head?”

So he’d been in love. God, Ian in love was probably a sight to see. “Why don’t you call her?”

There was a long pause. She couldn’t imagine that a woman wouldn’t fall madly in love with Ian Taggart. He was gorgeous and had that crazy, impossible wall up that seemed to call to most women.

He took a long breath before answering. “No point. If you and Alex can’t make it, there’s no hope for a dumb shit like me. You two had it all. You were what I was aiming for.”

She felt tears blur her eyes. Ian never talked like this. Just looking at him, she wouldn’t really guess he was plastered. His hands were steady and his voice was perfectly controlled, but the words coming from his mouth proved it. When Ian was sober, he would very likely never admit he wanted more than sex from a woman. “Well, we’re just human, Ian.”

“Nah. You were more. You were happy, and then shit happened and it all died.”

It was a little more than shit. She’d been brutalized, and Alex couldn’t handle it. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find a good relationship.”

He laughed a little, but there was nothing humorous about it. “Good? You think I can find a healthy relationship with some nice woman out there? Maybe raise a few kids? Hey, we could find a four bedroom with a white picket fence and a dog named Cuddles. Who the f*ck do you think I am, Eve?”

It was then that she noticed the envelope on the floor next to him. She recognized it from this morning. It had been delivered along with the flowers. “I think you’re one of my oldest friends and you deserve some peace.”