Off the Record (Off #3)(5)

I listen as my dad coughs, then wheezes. Finally, he says, “No. I’m just taking some stuff I got at the drugstore. I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t sound fine, Dad. You sound terrible. Maybe I should come over and get you right now. We can go to an urgent care clinic.”

“You’ll do no such thing. You are in the middle of a party and have guests. You stay your ass there.”

I smile. My dad is such a tough son-of-a-bitch when it comes to his own health, but he has a heart of gold when it comes to the happiness and well-being of his own kids. It’s always been that way.

“Fine. I’ll call you later tonight to check in.”

“There’s no need. Stop worrying.”

“Whatever, Dad. I’m hanging up on you now.”

My dad laughs but before we say good-bye he says, “You still coming out next weekend with Nix and Emily? Figured we could fire up the grill.”

“Absolutely! That is if I don’t have to drag your sorry butt to the doctor’s before then.”

My dad chuckles, which leads to another coughing fit. “You’re not too old for me to take across my knee now, sonny!”

“Yeah, right. You’re too soft to even think about spanking me.”

And it’s true. My dad never laid a hand on me and Nix growing up. He never had to. It’s not that we were angels or anything, but for some reason, after our mom died, we really respected our dad. Whatever he told us to do, we did. Whatever boundaries he placed, we abided. Oh, we had our little rebellious times, but our dad would always talk those things through with us rather than seek to physically punish us.

He is, just simply, the best parent a man could hope for.

“Alright, son. I’m hanging up and heading to bed. See you next weekend.”

“Okay, Dad. Love you.”

“I love you too, Linc.”

Hanging up, I smile. I hope I turn out to be at least half the man my father is.





“So, have you heard from your ex-douchebag?” Emily asks as we drive into Hoboken.

I laugh easily. “Language, Miss Burnham. Where did you learn such a word?”

She takes her eyes off the road to grin at me mischievously. “It’s what Nix calls my ex. It just seems appropriate.”

Emily is one of the very few people that knows I caught Marc cheating on me. She and I had become good friends since we met in a journalism class at Columbia over a year ago. She’s down to earth and smart as a whip. She also had a sympathetic ear for me when my engagement came to a screeching halt.

Turning my attention back to her original question, I tell her, “Well...as a matter of fact, he came by just a bit ago to pick up the engagement ring.”

“He wanted it back?” Emily asks with shock.

I shrug my shoulders. “I didn’t mind. It’s not like I’d ever wear it again.”

Emily snorts. “I would have hocked the damned thing then bought a lifetime supply of condoms so I could screw my way through every hot guy I came across.”

I’m the one that snorts now, which turns into the type of laughter that makes my ribs hurt. “Now that is a thought. Too bad I already gave him back the ring. Still...now that I’m a full time, working woman, I can afford my own condoms!”

“Yes,” Emily shrieks in laughter. “I’m a firm believer in using a good orgasm to put a smile on your face. It’s a plan!”

Our hilarity dies down into chuckles and then Emily glances at me again. Her face is full of kindness. “Seriously...how are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” I say. And I mean it. “Haven’t even shed a tear over him.”

Emily is silent for just a moment then she says, “That’s not good, Ever. You need to grieve.”

“I can’t,” I admit frankly. My heart lurches just a tiny bit, then settles back down in its casing of ice.

“Can’t or won’t?” Emily has a sage wisdom that no twenty-one year old should have.

“I can’t. I think I may be broken or something.” My words come out matter-of-factly, and there is no bitterness or pity. I really do think I’m broken, but there’s no sense in lamenting about it.

I look at Emily and she looks back at me with worry. Taking one hand off the wheel, she reaches over and grabs mine. “You’re not broken. You just need some time to come to grips with what happened.”

Oh, if only she knew. I had come to grips with it already. This was not my first rodeo as Marc was not the first man to betray me. My heart had been crushed once before, and the pain of it nearly killed me. Now, that man caused me to grieve...hard.

So hard, I thought about ending it all. Luckily, I had the fortitude to push past it.

After going through that much pain and misery, it was a miracle I had even opened myself up to Marc. I had been so closed off, so remote, that I didn’t think it was even possible for me to exhibit love. But Marc had managed to break through those walls I had so carefully built after my first heartbreak, and I had basked in what I thought was true love.

Silly me.

The moment I saw Marc in bed with Kelli, I felt those walls take shape again. It was like cinder blocks and mortar stacking up around me, hardening fast and making the way to my heart impenetrable. And while it kept all of the external hurt away from me, it also kept all of my emotion inside. There wasn’t a single crack or crevice through which my tears could escape.