Off the Record (Off #3)(21)
Admittedly, my feelings about Linc are conflicted. On the one hand, I have accepted the fact that I misjudged the situation that had occurred last Friday. He wasn’t the complete man-whore I thought him to be, but he’s by no means a monogamous angel either. I have not been able to get out of my head when he told me that he had f*cked that woman, and f*cked her hard. My sensibilities say I should be offended. Instead, I’m a little jealous and that bugs the crap out of me. The way he said that to me—his voice low and vibrating with promise—had me imagining the dirtiest of sexual scenarios.
On the other hand, I am still having a hard time reconciling that Linc is quite the playboy. He has every right to be but it grates on my nerves. I cannot help but wonder what would have happened had we gone out to dinner that night. If I had just said yes, rather than sensibly saying no.
I’m not stupid enough to even look at Linc as a potential love interest. My walls are still firmly in place and I don’t expect I’ll be letting them down again. Twice burned, and all that. But the young and sexually curious part of me is looking at Linc differently.
Yes, it bugs the crap out of me. And frustrates me. And confuses me.
Last night, after we ate dinner, Linc informed me that he had to go out for a bit. He didn’t invite me to go with him and I didn’t ask where he went. The fact that he didn’t invite me, particularly when he seems to want me with him at every other moment in the day, leads me to believe he was going out on a date. Which in my mind equates to sex.
And yes, that bugs the crap out of me, too.
I stand from my chair and Linc looks at me questioningly.
“I’m going to go talk to Emily,” I tell him and he just nods, turning his attention back to Congressman Burnham.
Emily had walked out of the room a bit ago, followed by Nix. I assume she’s still around as she didn’t bother with telling anyone goodbye.
It doesn’t take me long to find her. She and Nix are standing in the lobby, their arms wrapped around each other in a hug. Her face is buried in the crook of his neck and his chin is resting on top of her head. They look utterly content with one another, an emotion I am not in the slightest bit jealous over.
Nope! Committed relationships are for suckers and fools.
As I walk up to them, I know I’m intruding on something personal, but I need to take this opportunity to tell Emily that I’m sorry for what I did.
She sees me as I approach and pulls away from Nix. Her look is not welcoming but it is resigned to talking to me. Nix turns to see me and leans down to whisper something in her ear. He gives her a kiss on the temple, shoots me a wink and then leaves.
Emily crosses her arms over her chest and says, “How could you do that, Ever?”
“I know. It was awful. I’m awful. And I’m so sorry I did that.”
I’m taken aback when she practically hisses at me. “Sorry isn’t good enough. I trusted you with my family and you abused that. You of all people know what it’s like to have a friend abuse your trust.”
I don’t know what to say to that. She’s talking about my friend Kelli sleeping with Marc. It’s apples and oranges...the two scenarios, but the abuse of trust is the same. I know exactly how she feels right now.
“Lay off of her, Emily. She said she’s sorry.”
I spin around and see Linc behind me. He’s glaring at Emily and I’m shocked into further silence. Linc is the last person that should be speaking up for me.
“Fine,” Emily huffs. “But if she screws you over a second time, don’t come whining to me.”
Emily walks away without another word to me. I can feel tears prickling in my eyes and I blink several times to push them back. I never once considered how my actions would affect Emily and I’m kicking myself right now.
Linc lays his hand on my shoulder. It’s comforting and I have no right to be seeking that feeling from him. “Don’t worry about Emily. She’ll cool down.”
I look into his eyes and they are filled with kindness. Kindness that I don’t really deserve and I am immediately suspicious. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
Linc squeezes my shoulder and laughs. “I’m not really. I just don’t want to give you any reason to write a bad article about me. It’s not good for my image. Now come on...let’s go get some lunch.”
Linc turns to walk toward the elevator but I grab his hand to stop him. He reflexively squeezes mine back. My skepticism has now morphed into utter confusion over this man. “Seriously. Why are you being nice to me? I don’t deserve it.”
He tilts his head at me in sincere curiosity. “Why don’t you think you deserve it?”
“Because of what I did to you. I’m the last person in the world you should be nice to.”
He looks at me with patience...like I’m a child almost. “Did you apologize to me?”
“Yes.”
“Were you truly sorry?”
“Yes.”
“Are you putting forth an honest effort to get to know the real me?”
“Yes...but—”
“Well then...why shouldn’t I be nice to you? I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, why don’t you do the same for me?”
I feel a little of the guilt that I’ve been harboring ease up in my chest. His words are so simple, yet they have a major impact on me. A smile overtakes my face, one that I am powerless to hold back.