Obsidian and Stars (Ivory and Bone #2)(66)

“I do mean it. But the decision isn’t mine to make. I could be selfish and say that what we want is all that matters, but you know a High Elder can’t decide like that. Though I honestly wish that I could.”

“Just like your brother wished he could let Lees marry Roon.”

He drops his hands to his sides. This mention of my brother—of my brother’s regret at having to make hard decisions for the clan—feels like a double insult. An insult against my brother for the way he led and against me for being like him.

A voice comes from beyond the trees. A groan of someone carrying a heavy load. Morsk. Without another word to me, Kol walks away to wake his brother.

I step beyond the shade, striding toward the place where Morsk has placed the body of my brother on the ground. Leaves still stick to his parka and hair. I’d hoped he would look like he did when he first died—like he was only sleeping—but his skin is so sickly gray there’s no pretending he is anything but dead.

I drop to my knees beside Chev’s shoulder. I wonder how he would feel if he knew how I was suffering under the burden of leadership. Would he sympathize with me, pity me? Or would he feel I’d gotten what I deserved for undermining his authority and taking Lees away?

I look at his face and I remind myself that he came here to bring us back. I remind myself that he loved me, and I feel the sympathy he would give me if he were here.

It doesn’t take long before we are ready to climb down to the boats. Before we do, I tell them all I have an idea I hope will help us avoid the Tama. “Rather than rowing directly east and then turning south when we come to shore,” I say, “I propose we row south for a distance before we cut in toward the coast. It will be riskier—without a view of the shoreline, the chance of disorientation is greater—”

“But it will help us avoid the eyes of the Tama,” Kol says.

I’m relieved when everyone agrees.

Morsk and Pek work together to carry Chev’s body down the cliff, then Anki’s. Noni has gotten enough strength back that she is able to climb down without help. Kol follows her, with Seeri right behind him carrying Black Dog. Then Lees starts down the cliff—Thern ahead of her and Pada behind.

I’m last to descend the rock face. It’s slow going, but I’m in no hurry. This day we will return the body of Anki to the Bosha and tell them of Dora’s death. Thern and Pada will admit to their clan what they did to help Dora and Anki seek revenge. What will the Bosha do? Will they react with shock and shame? Will they punish Thern and Pada? Or is Kol right not to trust them at all? Could it be that all the Bosha elders have been on the side of Dora and Anki all along?

I could go back on the promise Chev made. I could say that as High Elder, I refuse to allow the Bosha to rejoin our clan.

And Kol would have made his first decision on behalf of my clan. I would have allowed someone outside the clan to decide the best course of action for the Olen.

What’s so bad about that? What’s so bad about letting Kol influence the Olen’s relationship with the Bosha? Doesn’t he have the best interests of the Olen at heart?

I remember when I pushed out with Lees, Kol agreed to speak with Chev on my behalf. He said he was happy to speak for me. I’m your betrothed. Our interests are one now. Our actions are one. Isn’t that what he had said? So why can’t that extend to decisions for the clan?

I talk to myself about all these things, telling myself it’s my choice to make. But I know it’s not.

I could never let another clan’s High Elder have a say in the Olen leadership. Not even Kol. It puts the survival of the Olen as a separate and independent clan in jeopardy, and the survival of the Olen is too valuable to risk.

These are the thoughts that loop through my mind as I push out a double kayak that I will share with Lees, just as we did the day we left. When we pushed out that day I was hoping to teach my brother a lesson. Today I head home, feeling that he is the one who taught me.





TWENTY-SIX


Once we have all boarded the boats—Anki’s body lying in a canoe paddled by Morsk and Thern, and Chev’s body lying in another paddled by Pek, Pada, and Kol—I begin watching the sea for signs of the Tama. If they’ve been waiting for a moment to attack and take Noni back, now would be the time.

Noni shares a double kayak with Seeri, but we are all vigilant. Lees and I stay to one side of them and the canoes stay to the other. Even once we are far enough south that we feel safe enough to row closer to shore, I still throw frequent looks over my shoulder. I notice Lees does, too. But the water is always empty. Seabirds dive for their meals, but otherwise, the sea rolls unbroken to the horizon.

Nothing to be afraid of, I tell myself. But fear hovers over me, like a shag that won’t fly far from its young.

And so I row. All day, as the sun rises and crosses over into the western sky, I row, and I try not to think.

We are in sight of the Manu’s bay when Lees calls out to me. “You look at him so often,” she says.

“Who?” I call back, though I know. As we’ve traveled south, I’ve stayed aware of Kol’s canoe, whether they were ahead of us or behind. I’ve tried to gauge how well he was by watching the movement of his oar. At times he seemed strong; at others I thought he might drop the oar into the sea.

“Your betrothed, of course,” Lees shrieks. “I can’t blame you. I would be the same way. I can’t wait until Roon and I are betrothed.” Her voice scatters on the wind, breaking on the waves. Of course she assumes she will soon be betrothed to Roon, and why shouldn’t she be? Chev was ready to agree to it, too. So Lees will become betrothed, but my betrothal will be broken. I should have just accepted Morsk’s proposition and never gone away.