No Weddings (No Weddings #1)(59)

Floodlights kicked on from her neighbor’s roofline. A door opened and banged shut behind a large figure who stared at us. He was downwind from the smoke.

Hannah took another swig from the bottle, then passed it to me while she watched her gawking neighbor. “We won’t get arrested for this, will we?”

I snorted. “They can haul me away with a grin on my face. No way in hell I’m stopping now. We’ll tell them I coerced you.”

She shook her head hard. “Uh-uh. We do the crime together? We do the time together.”

I ruffled her hair. “Thanks for the solidarity, Bonnie.”

“Anytime, Clyde.”

The flames faded as the fire ran out of fuel to burn. Hannah’s gaze grew pensive. All I could think about was how we’d taken another giant step toward each other.

I kicked a foot up onto the top of the brick wall rimming the pit and leaned back, grinning. “Good. I like us rulebreaking together.”





As the fire died down into glowing embers, our past vanishing into nothing but ash and smoke, the air grew heavy between us. What used to be a comfortable silence among friends now carried a thread of tension.

I knew where mine came from. Thoughts about how to move forward from here rattled inside my head. With no road map, I didn’t have a clear direction on how to proceed. But the woman sitting next to me deserved careful consideration about every brave step we took.

Hannah broke the silence with soft-spoken words. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Dread filled me. I hoped she hadn’t read my mind and I hadn’t frightened her with the seriousness of my thoughts. I glanced at her, diving off the cliff. “Do what?”

She sighed, staring straight ahead into the smoldering pit. “Do…us.”

Breathe. I closed my eyes, forcing air into my lungs. I’d already fallen too deep into whatever was between me and Hannah to come out of this unscathed. “How do you know until you try?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know if I’m even capable of trying. One shock from the past and I had a total meltdown. I…I think I’m broken, Cade.”

My heart lurched, and I opened my eyes, twisting toward her. A lone tear tracked down her cheek. Her pain was a thousand times more devastating in person. It burned through my chest, and still, I preferred being here over the alternative. There was nowhere I’d rather be, even if it meant getting hurt again.

Setting my jaw, determined to break through to her, I slid my palm over her freezing hand that gripped the arm of her chair. I pried her fingers loose and turned her hand over, tangling my fingers with hers.

“You are not broken. Neither am I. Damaged? Yeah, we’re damaged. We’re survivors, though.”

When several seconds passed with no response from her, I pointed dramatically toward the fire. In the best theatrical impersonation I could manage with absolutely no stage experience whatsoever, I gave it my all to lighten the mood while delivering a message. “Be a phoenix with me. From the ash at our feet, let’s rise up, reborn.”

“That’s so corny.” She glanced at me, a tiny smile breaking through the serious expression that had darkened her face.

I chuckled. “That’s what you’re gonna get with me. Corny.”

She wrinkled her brow, pulling her hand away. Her hesitancy underscored how hard her foundation had been rocked. The road ahead was going to be a long and arduous one.

“I just…I can’t.” Pinching her eyes shut, she shook her head, dropping her chin to her chest.

“Can’t? Or won’t?” I reached over, tucking a finger under her chin, gently lifting until she faced me again and opened her eyes. “You’re scared. We can deal with scared. I’m scared too.”

Her face softened. “You are?”

“Yeah. I’m scared to death. I don’t want to get crushed again. I’ve been there before. It nearly killed me, and I’m not sure I could survive going there again. You want to know what gives me courage?”

“What?” Her eyes were locked onto mine, widening, full of hope and curiosity.

“You. You give me the courage to take the chance. Not only because of where you’ve been, but more importantly, who you’ve become in spite of it—the amazing woman I’m just getting to know. Out of all the women out there in the world, you’re the only one I’ve wanted to burn the list for. You’re the first person to make me feel alive again. You make me brave.”

She took a deep breath. “What if I can’t commit? I’m so scared right now, I’m not sure I can let myself go again, truly fall for someone and enjoy it without flashes from the past tainting it.” She shook her head. “God, listen to me.” Tearing her gaze away, she focused off into the distance. “I sound like a pathetic wreck.”

Needing her closer to me, I pushed out of the chair and crouched in front of her. With my hands on either armrest, I caged her in, forcing her attention on me. “You are my pathetic wreck. And I’m yours. Fractured and flawed, beautiful and kind, you are mine, Hannah. I’m laying claim now. I don’t care how long it takes us to get there. This is our journey, and we make it together.”

On a hard swallow, she spoke, her words soft, her hazel eyes staring hard at me. “I can’t lose you as a friend, Cade.”