Night Watch (Kendra Michaels #4)(71)
“No. This is later as far as I’m concerned.”
“Kendra…”
“You said I might never be normal, and that’s all right. I’ll be what I’m meant to be because I’m going to get to know who that is.” She stepped closer to him. He was so important to her. She had to make him see what she was seeing. She was willing him to understand with all her heart. “I’m going to experience everything that comes my way. I’m going to drink the wine. I’m going to reach out to people. I’m going to understand how they think and why they think it. I’m going drown myself in music. I’m going to sing and not mind if I’m not perfect at it. I’m going to live.”
She drew a deep breath, staring desperately up at him. “You mean so much to me. I’ll listen to you. I don’t know if you can convince me, but if you tell me that I’m wrong, I’ll listen, and I’ll think about it.”
He slowly shook his head. “I refuse to lose credibility in your eyes. I value your respect far too much.” He smiled ruefully. “Besides, you’ve already made up your mind. I stood here watching you, and you almost swept me away with you.”
“You understand?” she insisted. “It’s not because I don’t realize what I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me anything. I was paid in full when I watched your face that day you took off the bandages.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’ll accept the correction. Perhaps you owe me a bit more, but you have to accept that I received a huge gift that day, too.” His smile vanished. “So I refuse to collect any more compensation from you in any form. Get the hell out of here. Right now.”
She shook her head. “I’m going to do this one last speech. I won’t leave you to make awkward explanations.”
“I’m told that I’m capable of handling situations like that.” He tilted his head. “But you appear to have a plan in mind.”
She nodded. “I’ll do this speech, and when I’m done, I’ll walk off the stage and step through those doors to the parking lot. And that’s the last I want to hear about the Night Watch Project for a long, long while.”
“A fine plan.” He leaned forward and brushed a kiss across her brow. “And I hope it works out for you. I’ll miss you, Kendra.”
And she’d miss him. She wanted to reach out and touch him, keep him with her. Tell him once again how much she cared that he’d come into her life. But he’d stepped back, and the moment was gone.
She turned to go onstage.
“I want you to promise you’ll do everything that you told me you were going to do just now,” he said softly. “It will mean a good deal to me if I can look back and think of you joyously tearing full tilt through life.”
She looked back at him. “I promise. Everything I said and more.”
She went another few steps and stopped and turned to face him. From where she stood he was only a shadow-silhouette against the light, but it was a strong, purposeful silhouette. The silhouette of a man who had changed her life and made her believe she could conquer the world. “This all sounds so … permanent. I told you I want to live. But that doesn’t mean I want to do it without you. I won’t have it.” She smiled as she felt the blood pumping through her veins, the excitement of the adventures to come bringing a flush to her cheeks. “Tonight my first stop is going to be Santa Cruz. If you don’t have anything better to do, then come and have one of those ice-cold beers with me. You can toast my new life.” She turned and walked toward the stage. “And I’ll toast the existence of miracles.”
*
BUT WALDRIDGE HAD NEVER shown up that night in Santa Cruz. And she had been so absorbed in tasting everything that life had to offer that she had let him slip away when she should have kept him close to her.
“Hey, are you okay?” Jessie was gazing quizzically at her, and Kendra realized her silence had become noticeable. “I didn’t mean to insult that super-duper memory. I’m just trying to put things together. Nothing makes much sense.”
“It’s not super-duper. I only tend to apply myself and try to retain what I’ve learned.” She shrugged. “But I don’t have to try with Charles Waldridge. You don’t forget someone who changed your life the way he did mine.” She got to her feet. “So what are we going to do? Go back to the hospital and talk to Powers?”
“If we can get past that lawyer.”
“It was like battering against a wall talking to Powers last time. We need something to use to break through that wall.” She headed for her bedroom. “I’m wondering if I may have that battering ram and didn’t even know it. Give me ten minutes to wash my face and get my thoughts together. It’s been quite a morning. You might make us a cup of coffee.”
“Just a kitchen slave,” Jessie said as she strolled toward the kitchen. “Did you use Lynch like this? No wonder he ran out without his gun or his toothbrush.”
“I think you’ll both survive,” Kendra said dryly. “And I’m certain Lynch had a spare for anything he left behind.”
“Including you?” Jessie asked over her shoulder. “I’m not too sure about that. You may be one of those irreplaceable items.”