Never Have an Outlaw's Baby (Deadly Pistols MC #3)(15)

“Damn it, Joker!” I whispered, jerking my face away. “I can't...I can't do this.”

“Babe?”

Before he could grab me, I was up, climbing over the hill as fast as I could go. I didn't care how serious his kiss seemed, or how good it tasted.

I couldn't let him do this to me again. Not after all the heartache and disappointment.

This kiss could work wonders, like a spell that could charm me, make me believe he'd changed. But it couldn't make me stupid, reckless, ready to be destroyed by him a second time.

“Fuck, Summer, come back!” he yelled after me, plodding down the hill.

After all the things going upside down in my life, I hadn't changed enough.

I'd stepped up and taken more responsibility, sure.

Mama, Uncle Robby's bar, and the family house were all history soon. My meager wage couldn't begin to pay the bills that would've let me hang onto the place – not with her collectors hounding me for every last penny.

I had a head start on Joker, and he couldn't move as fast with his bigger body, taking the steep hill in slower strides. I used my advantage to put more distance between us, heading for the broken down storage shed I saw in the distance.

For the first time since we'd gotten here, I wished for fewer stars. The ones hanging overhead showed too much, made it all too easy for him to trail me like a wolf, across the curvy countryside and the winding fields.

My legs gave out just before the shed. Rather, something on the ground caught me, spun me around, and slammed me down so hard every bone in my body shook.

The pain ripping up my ankle didn't hit my brain until a second later. Wincing, I grabbed the muscle, right about the time he ripped me up in his arms, pulling me close.

“Put me down already – it hurts!” I whined, flailing against him.

“Bullshit, babe. You're gonna settle the hell down and tell me why the f*ck you just took off screaming.”

I stopped fighting him. There was no use hiding the hurt anymore.

He'd already seen how easy it was to get close to me. He had to know about the fantasies I'd nursed for three years, the memories I'd held onto from that lonely night when he'd brought me home from one tragedy, only to get my hopes up before he brought disaster down again.

“I told you! I can't do this again. I can't have you come in like a tornado for just one night and leave me hanging. Too many things have gone wrong. I've lived too many nightmares, Joker.”

My body went limp. I bit my lip, fighting the pain spiking through my ankle.

Damn him, he tightened his hold, wordlessly wrapped me up in his biker embrace. My chest rattled as I tried to breathe, inhaling his scent for the first time in three years, that strong, heavenly smell of raw masculinity I thought I'd lost forever.

“I ain't a toy,” I snarled in his ear, when he rested my chin on his shoulder. “It's not fair, treating me like one, coming back in my pants without a hello – and no, don't you dare give me another lecture about life. I'm telling you, I need something nice to happen for once. Not another train wreck.”

“Quiet, babe. Quit moving. Only time I wanna see your lips moving is when they're on mine.” He pushed my cheek into his, making me feel the sandy stubble there. “Didn't realize I did so much damage last time we hung out. I left for your own good, just like I told you that night. You were too young. Too f*ckin' pure for me, Summertime. Too damned innocent.”

That word! Anger flashed through me, and I shook, trying to pull myself away while he continued to talk to me like a kid.

“I don't do girlfriends and I don't fall in love. I still don't.” His voice softened. “I f*ck, baby girl, and if you want something to happen, that's gotta be the end of it. You oughta ask for more, but your body's telling me something different. Only thing worse than getting f*cked is not getting f*cked at all. I can give you that, Summertime.”

He was giving me an ultimatum. A wicked, ridiculous one – but at least it was honest.

Could a man be a complete bastard and still talk like he cared?

“I haven't ever been with a man,” I said, slowly pulling away from him. This time, he let me.

His handsome face lit up like I'd just offered him three wishes. “You're an *, but I like you, Jackson. You scare me because I can't stay away. I'm sorry I freaked out.”

No, really, I thought. He didn't deserve an apology. But I didn't deserve to lie to myself any longer, living on nothing except fantasies and fears.

Choosing my next words very carefully, I looked at him softly, and let honesty roll.

“Whatever else this is...maybe I do want you tonight. Just to get it over with. Get rid of this stupid crush, and get on with my life.”

“We can make it happen, babe. Make all your dreams come true tonight, and so much more.” He smiled, stepping toward me, running his big, powerful hands up my shoulders again. His fingers curled up my neck, cupped my chin, and held me. “You're too damned beautiful to waste another night a virgin, Summertime. You give that * up, I'll make it purr. I'll make you scream. I'll make you come on my cock so f*ckin' hard you see more stars up there than dim lit sky. You'll forget all about the shit that's eating at you, and you'll walk away a woman, no worse for wear.”