Never Giving Up (Never #3)(30)

“Breathe with me Ella, in and out, slowly.” I took a few over-exaggerated breaths to get her to sync up with me. She shook, trembled, and I knew she was slipping away from me. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you or the baby. Do not give up on me now, Ella. Stay with me here, breathe.” We sat there, breathing in each other’s breaths for a few minutes until I felt like she wasn’t going to hyperventilate or go into some sort of shock. When I finally looked over at Dillard, I saw sympathy in his eyes and that went a long way to make up for some of the shitty things he’d said since we got there. He was a hard ass, that was clear, but in that moment, when he looked at my wife like he wanted to help fix her, I felt confident that he would keep his word and protect her as best he could.

“Let’s get your address to the Salem PD and get you home,” Dillard said, handing me a pad of paper and a pen. He left to make the phone call and Ella’s head found my shoulder. She was calm and quiet, both hands resting on her belly. Her silence was equally comforting as it was alarming. In the quiet, she found the terror. I put my hand over hers and tried to remind her that I was there.

“I don’t want you to worry about this, Ella. I’m going to take care of everything.” She didn’t say anything in response. I would have preferred to hear her crying or yelling. The silence was killing me. “Babe, talk to me. Please.”

“This is a hopeless situation.” Her voice is calm, cold, and still—like stone.

“No it isn’t.”

“You can’t protect me from a man with a gun, Porter.”

“Yes, I can.” I knew what she was saying. If he found her and got anywhere near her, it would be hard to stop a bullet from hurting her. But I wasn’t going to let her out of my sight, wasn’t going to let anyone near her, not until we knew for sure the police had him in custody. “Look at me, Ella.” My hands found her face and I pulled her to look at me. “You’ve got to think positively. We will make it through this.” My eyes searched hers, looking for a key to alleviating some of her anxiety. “What’s going through your head?”

“I want to run.”

Her words were like boulders settling in my stomach. Her flight instinct had kicked in. The danger was here so her mind told her to leave. I rubbed my thumbs across her cheeks.

“I know you do,” I whispered. “I want so badly to make this go away for you, but we’ve got to stay. We’ve got to fight. I won’t let him near you.”

A new wave of panic flooded her eyes. “What if he gets to you first? Oh God. Porter, I can’t lose you. Please . . .”

“Shh . . .” I pulled her back into my shoulder and smoothed down her hair. “It’ll all be ok.” I knew I couldn’t promise her that, but it was all I could say in the moment. Dillard came back in the room and his eyes flickered to my wife crying into my neck. “You better find this guy, and fast. If I find him first I can guarantee you never will.”

Dillard nodded. “I’d be thinking the same thing if it were my wife.”

“Good. Then we’re on the same page.”

“The Salem PD are going to be making rounds past your house and for the next few nights a cruiser will be positioned on your block just until the dust settles.”

“Thank you,” I said, sincerely.

“Do you have a license to carry a concealed weapon?”

“Yes. We got one last year after her abduction.”

“Good. Remember, if someone comes into your home, you have every legal right to shoot them. No questions asked. Take them out.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, Detective.”

“Ok. Well, I will keep you updated on our progress. This case is my first priority. If he’s in the state, I will find him.”

I believed him. I gently stood, trying not to jostle Ella too much. I shook his hand. “I appreciate it.” I led Ella out to our car, flanked by two uniformed officers. They made sure we got into the car safely and I watched them disappear in the rear-view mirror as I drove away. Merging onto the freeway, my hand found Ella’s knee.

“How are you holding up?” I asked softly.

“I just want to go to sleep.”

I nodded, understanding she was tired, exhausted—both physically and emotionally. “I need you to promise me something, Ella.” Her head turned and she looked at me, eyes half closed, near sleep already.

“Hmmm?”

“If you’re going to run, you have to take me with you.” I looked her in her hooded eyes, trying to be very clear, to make sure she understood me. “I want to stay here and see this guy captured, but if you’re going to run, we run together.”

“You’re not safe with me,” she whispered.

“I’m dead without you.” She took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “Please, I need to hear you say it.”

“If I feel the need to leave, I promise I’ll tell you. I won’t leave you behind.”

“Promise me you won’t give up the fight, Ella.”

“That’s just it, Porter; I’m not sure how much fight I have left in me.”

We rode the rest of the way in silence, my hand wrapped around hers. When we pulled up onto our street, I spotted the cruiser a few houses down. I could see the outline of two officers in the car and admittedly was a little relieved to see them. I just hoped Ella would sleep better knowing they were out there.