Never Far Away (The Never #2)(68)
“I’m sorry, Baby. I’m not trying to scare you. Please. Don’t push me away right now. Don’t. Please let me in. Let me help.”
She tried to shake her head but he still held it in his hands.
“What happened in there, Ella? Why are you so scared?”
She pressed her lips together, smashed them together so hard she could feel the indentions forming on the inside of her mouth from her teeth. Her instincts urged her to tell him, but the fear of something happening to him was the overriding factor that kept her from giving him what he wanted.
“I can’t be with you right now,” she whispered.
“I can’t be without you,” he whispered back.
She knew he wasn’t going to let her out of his sight. She sighed loudly and put her hands over his which were still on the sides of her face. She gently pulled them down until her face was free and she leaned away from him.
“It’s not good for us to be together.”
“Why would you say that?” She could think of no lie to tell him, couldn’t bring herself to utter something that wasn’t true.
“Because I love you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Porter
“Please get in the truck, Baby. Let me take you home.” Something had happened in that hallway; he knew it. What he didn’t know is why she wouldn’t tell him about it and why she was now nearly hysterical talking nonsense about them not being together. She looked at the ground and finally nodded her head in agreement.
“Do you have any of the pills the doctor gave you for your panic attacks?” He asked gently.
“No,” she shook her head. “But I’m not supposed to take them with alcohol anyway. Besides, this isn’t a panic attack.” She turned and headed towards the truck. He silently followed, racking his brain for anything he could say to try and bring her back around.
She was silent all the way back to her apartment and she sat as far away from him as possible, which killed him. When they finally parked in front of her apartment, he noticed that her breathing became hilted and quickened. He wasn’t surprised, seeing as how sometimes just seeing her apartment triggered her anxiety. He slid across the seat to her side and she looked at him with wild and frightened eyes.
“It’s never going to end, Porter,” she said between labored breaths. “I’m trapped and I’ve trapped you.”
“Shhh, Baby. Calm down. We’re not trapped. We’re fine. Let’s just go inside and go to bed.” His concern for her was growing, and he thought he might need to find Dr. Evan’s business card and call the emergency number on it. If she didn’t calm down soon, he was going to have to do something. The ER wasn’t out of the question either. He was thoroughly and completely worried about her, but he didn’t know what to do about it besides hold her. “Do you think we could just go inside? We’ll lie down and try to just forget about everything for a little while and sleep? Everything will look better tomorrow, I promise.” She gave him a look that read ‘doubtful’, but eventually moved to get out of the truck.
He unlocked the door and opened it for her, flipping on the lights after she walked in. He watched her walk to the back of the apartment and go right into the bathroom. He exhaled loudly as he closed the door and rubbed his hands up and down his face. He walked into the bedroom and stripped down into his boxers then put on a pair of sweats. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Ella to emerge from the bathroom.
When he heard the door click open, he raised his eyes to the door to see her enter the bedroom. She had taken off all of her makeup, leaving her face raw from washing but also red from crying. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, with strands falling down every which way around her face. She had taken off her clothes and was left standing in front of him in only panties and his unbuttoned shirt. He knew she was in the middle of some sort of crisis, but he couldn’t help his eyes from wandering up and down her body. Instead of becoming aroused though, which he was fully expecting, he become protective and possessive. Someone had hurt her tonight and he wanted to know who. Someone had caused the pain that he saw so clearly etched across her face.
She fidgeted with her fingers, playing with the buttons on his shirt.
“I took one of the valium the doctor prescribed to me. I don’t think I drank enough alcohol to really make a difference. Right now I just want to go to sleep and forget everything.”
“Ok,” he said, apprehensively, half expecting her to ask him to sleep on the couch. He wasn’t sure which Ella he was dealing with at the moment: the one who said she loved him or the one who said they shouldn’t be together.
“Do you think, I mean, could you…” her voice trailed off as she tried to formulate her thoughts. “Would it be ok if you held me?”
Porter let out, quite possibly, the biggest breath of his life. The love of his life was asking him to hold her while she slept. Relief coursed through him at her words and all he could do to answer her was hold open his arms. His relief was mirrored in her by the way her shoulders seemed to sag a little at his acceptance, as if a tight string that had been holding her up were snipped, allowing her to relax.
She came to him at the side of the bed and straddled his lap. Before he could reach around her she peeled away at the shirt she was wearing, letting it trail down her arms and float to the floor. Their eyes met for just a moment before she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her naked body into his chest. He felt her nose and mouth settle in the crook of his neck and he heard her inhale deeply. He used his hand to smooth the loose tendrils of her hair down and held her by the back of her neck, pulling her close.