Never Doubt Me: Judge Me Not #2(12)

“Chase and Will had it out,” I admit. “But they’re getting along great now.”

Father Maridale nods, seemingly deep in thought. He knows all about Chase’s past, and he’s fully aware of how important it is to Chase to rebuild his relationship with his brother, a relationship that was shattered four years ago.

Will refused to speak to Chase the entire time he was in prison. Will was angry, just like everyone else. Too many people gave up on Chase Gartner. But not Father Maridale. He always believed in him. He was one of only two people in this town willing to give Chase a second chance. I was the other, but not at first. Not until I met Chase—through a chance run-in, quite literally. It was at that moment, when I saw truth in his eyes, that I realized giving Chase a second chance was the right thing to do. Before that day, I had made the same assumptions and cast the same judgments as everyone else.

Since then, though, I’ve since learned a lot about forgiveness and starting over.

Sometimes you have to give others a chance to redeem themselves, like how I’m striving to do with my mom. I’m hoping to find some middle ground with the woman who disowned me four years ago. I have to admit, however, it’s not easy.

I sigh loudly, and as though Father Maridale can read my mind, he asks, “Is your mother still keeping up with you like she promised?”

“Yes.”

It’s the truth. She’s been calling and keeping in touch, to nobody’s bigger surprise than my own. See, my mother blamed me for my little sister’s death until just recently. It’s ironic that a couple of days after Sarah’s funeral, my mother cast me out of her home…and her heart. But almost four years later to the day, she allowed me back in. Last Friday, she sought me out at the little cemetery behind the church where Sarah is buried.

My mother wants to start anew, rebuild our relationship. But after all she has taken, I only have so much to give. She tells me she wants to learn about my life. But there are so many things she’s already missed—my graduation from college, my first day as a teacher, all the highs and lows I’ve experienced. She’s missed all that and more, and it’s not so easy to dig back in time and resurrect the past.

“But I’m trying,” I say to Father Maridale, answering my own question to myself, not one he has posed.

Father’s pale-brown eyes fill with compassion. He knows me as well as he knows Chase, and that means he’s aware of all my good and all my bad.

He places his hand on mine. “Forgiveness may come in time, Kay, or it may not. I can counsel you in one direction, but only you can decide on your path.”

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit. “It scares me. I don’t even know how to take the first step with my mother.”

“You’ve already taken it,” he assures me. “Just the fact you’ve allowed her back into your life—albeit limitedly—proves your heart wants to forgive.”

“Maybe that’s true,” I say, “but what’s the next step?”

“Give your mother an opportunity to earn your forgiveness.”

I nod, contemplating his words, and he adds, “Do you find her overtures thus far to be sincere?”

I think it over. “Yeah, I think so.” I pause, and then I admit what’s really bothering me. “It’s just, she’s missed so much, Father. And I don’t know how to let it all go…”

As I trail off, he sighs. “We can’t move forward, Kay, when we’re staring back at the past. Try focusing on the here and now. Build for a possible future with your mother. Give her a chance to be there when you need her most. Who knows, maybe she’ll come through.”

“Yeah,” I say slowly, “I guess.”

I hope he’s right, and I thank Father Maridale for his wise words, then I say, “You always know what to say to make me feel better.”

He pats my hand reassuringly. “That’s why I’m here, my child.”

Father Maridale then leaves me to my thoughts. And what I’m thinking is that maybe I’ve been making this far more complicated than it has to be.

The past cannot be changed; that is a fact.

So do I keep staring back at it? Do I allow myself to be held captive by what’s behind me, like I’ve done in the past?

Or do I try to do as Father Maridale has counseled—focus on moving forward?

I’ve already taken the first step, right?

I gather up my things and decide to look to the future, which requires opening my heart…to my mother.





Chapter Three


Chase


The old drive-in out on Route 7 is packed. But we luck out and find a spot smack dab in the center of the front row.

I back my truck into the narrow space and shut down the ignition. “Okay,” I say, “let’s get set up in the back.”

Kay, who’s next to me, and Will and Cassie, back in the extended cab area, reply a chorus of “okay” and “cool.” Minutes later we are standing by the bed of the truck.

I place my hand on a stout pole with an old-time speaker that appears clunky and outdated, leading me to conclude it probably barely works.

“We won’t need it,” Kay says when she catches me frowning at the antiquated sound system. “I grabbed a portable radio from your gram’s old bedroom. We’ll use that.”